Archive for the ‘Single Parents’ Category

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September 21st, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Divorce, Single Parents
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So men are really pissing me off today.

First it was my boss who kept insisting I invite a coworker who is in the middle of an international relocation/vacation to several meetings this week. I finally said, “Um, boss, not to be rude or out of line, but isn’t [coworker x] on vacation?” His response? “Well all of us are expected to check in on vacation.” Okay… Sure, for urgent matters. But for the technical training I can provide her with in a week when she’s back in the office? Um, no. Asshole.

Then Mr. V is totally on my bad side. He lost a huge client last week (1/4 of his annual revenue). In order to help out, I am taking on a second job. So I spent 1.5 hours on an orientation call this evening for this ethnography service (you follow people around a store and observe their shopping habits, offering gift cards in exchange for survey responses). Anyway, in the middle of the conference call my Dad called and asked if he could come stay the night. Am I the only one who thinks turning down a family member is akin to sacrilege? So of course I said sure. I thought he was on his way to the UAE Sunday but he ended up stating three more days and will fly out Wednesday night. Anyway, Mr. V was pissed. Said the house was a mess (I cleaned the living room/entry way/dining room last night and cleaned out the guest room/made the queen bed upstairs). Then when my Dad arrived, he stayed quiet and ignored him. Finally, when my Dad went to get a snack before bed, he let out the biggest sigh.

Excuse me? I live here. I pay part of the bills, too. My Dad is perfectly welcome to eat the food my money buys and sleep on my bed in our house. Grrr. WTF?!?! Seriously, do you think Mr. V would have told his family the timing was inconvenient and that they couldn’t spend the night? I understand that the last-minute nature of the request was rude but it is my Dad. And I love him. And he’s off to the Middle East for God knows how many years. Geez!! If he wants to open our fridge without asking, well, that’s how I was raised – mi casa es su casa. My parents brought strays and random church folks and hippies and crazy people over all the time. Heck, sometimes I even had to share a room. It was just how we were. If the man wants to be with me, he has to accept both me and my family, quirks and all.

Grrr….

September 19th, 2009  Posted at   Family Stuff, Single Parents, Women in Law
   |   2 Comments

I am very unhappy. Work is stressful. Life is stressful. Future uncertain. Bad dreams. Daddy leaving tomorrow to live indefinitely on the other side of the world. Boo! :( That is all.

September 13th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Divorce, Single Parents
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I need new perfume. I’ve been out of my signature scent, Sensuous, for a few months now, but I still have body cream. Unfortunately every time I put it on it makes me think of Blue Eyes and this last year of difficult divorce recovery. So I don’t wear it. I have the same thing with men’s scents. Chapin wore Chrome and always smelled amazing. I love a good smelling man.

Yesterday I was at garage sale #2 trying to make some money getting rid of some of my stuff. As I stood there folding my son’s baby clothes, I inhaled and was immediately taken back to late nights rocking him to sleep. And I knew I had to reclaim some of those precious items. Even after washing them they still had his amazing baby scent.

Am I the only one who has such a strong reaction to scents? To this day I cannot smell certain soap without thinking of my Gramy. My mother also has a very specific and yummy scent – she’s always prided herself on smelling good. My Granddad was super allergic to creams and scents so he always smelled like talcum powder. Just inhaling that makes me cry.

So I need a new perfume. A signature scent with no associated memories for a new life going forward. And I think it’s definitely time to toss the Sensuous cream. No matter what, every time I try to wear it, I get flashbacks. Done…

September 13th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Single Parents
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Have I mentioned that I love Mr. V? Totally, completely. :-) I fell for him the moment we met when he walked into the restaurant on our first date, came up to the bar where I was sitting, and kissed me until my toes curled. That’s when I knew.

Since then it’s only gotten better. He picked me (bonus!) and told me I “might be the neatest person I ever have the chance to meet.” Awww. For the past few weeks he’s watched Pumpkinhead most every evening while I’ve worked an insane amount of OT. When I come home, he has a fresh bottle of wine waiting for me or some other sweet thing. He’s called and left me a voicemail singing a cute love song or Facebooked about how great I am. Yep, swoon!

He’s romantic, funny, stubborn and generally amazing. He keeps me smiling, laughing and happy. Best of all, he complements my sensual side perfectly. He’s up for most anything and has taken me to places I never thought I would go.

No narcissism, no anger, no violence, no jealousy. Sure, we have our disagreements, but our style of conflict resolution is soooo much more healthy and balanced than in any of my other relationships. With as much as I’m stressing out over other parts of my life, my life with Mr. V keeps getting better with every passing day.

September 7th, 2009  Posted at   Blogging, Dating, Single Parents
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1. When you go to Walmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration? Chocolate

2. What is something that people are currently “into” that you just don’t get or appreciate? Reality television – bleech!

3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel “ho-hum” about? I am a bit of a Facebook fanatic, especially since Mr. V introduced me to Mafia Wars. I don’t usually play games but that one is fun!

4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car? I’m not consistent but I love to sing and do it more so in the car.

5. A really great salad must have this ingredient: Mushrooms

6. What advice in a nutshell would you give to new bloggers? Don’t blog anything you wouldn’t say out loud. I know, I know, I blog a lot of wild crap. But I would say it out loud. I would!

7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you? Bronwyn Mary. I think it is beautiful but I like my name. I was ultimately named after my late Godmother and I appreciate being named after such a wonderful woman.

8. What in your life are you waiting for? This, this, this, this, this (business travel) and this

9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from? A book from an Amazon Marketplace seller.

10. Today–what song represents you? I’d like to say “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child. But in my neurotic state it’s probably “If You Had My Love” by Jennifer Lopez

11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself? I’m a little nutty. :-)

12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you’re wearing today? What do they say about you in general or specifically how you’re feeling today? I had to go for a midnight dive into the pool to rescue my glasses. They fell in after an unexpected sexy afternoon skinny dip with my man. (hubba hubba) I didn’t realize they were in the pool until we were leaving for dinner so I went out to eat blind and then jumped in when I came back. Picked my clothes because they were dry and warm. It’s almost noon and I’m still wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt.

To participate in Sunday Stealing, visit the blog and add your link.

September 7th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Single Parents
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I’ve been in a funk lately. Working too much, too stressed, and feeling unmotivated to blog. That said, I do have some news.

My Dad finally got a job this week. But it’s in the UAE. The good news is that it’s what he wants and he is super-excited. He saw his psychiatrist before he left and will be getting set up with one overseas.

My mother will also be joining him. And, woohoo, she has FINALLY (19 years after her diagnosis with bone-on-bone arthritis) decided to have her left knee replaced. This is a good thing.

But. They are offering my brother and his fiance the chance to move down and live in their house for the next few years. For free. This concerns me for several reasons. 1) Remember my brother is the one who stole from my mother after pushing her over the edge into a heart attack less than two years ago? 2) If my parents are in the UAE, who will be here to “fix” things if something goes wrong? Oh yeah… that would be me. So part of me really hopes that future SIL says no. But the realistic part of me knows my brother will probably be down here soon. Hopefully he really is on the right path and doing better. Sigh…

I’m also reverting back to my old needy ways. Mr. V and I have fallen into a bit of a rut. You know how men do romantic things when they are dating you and then stop when they “have you.” Yep… And his backing off those things makes my silly anxious head worry about us. Which is ridiculous because I’m living in his house and I love him and I know he loves me. Why do I need constant reassurance? I think part of it is that old saying… “Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?” And part of it is his last long-term girlfriend. Also ridiculous but he lived with her for three years and then, just when she thought he was going to propose, he dumped her. Mind you, it wasn’t working and he made the right choice. But the fact that it went down that way makes me worry about what he is NOT telling me. See how my crazy mind works?

I think I’m sinking into a bit of a panic for several reasons. First, my parents leaving. We moved a ton when I was a child and they were the only constant in my life. The idea of them living so far away, while probably good because my mother is driving me nuts, is also somewhat devastating. Second, I am feeling very dependent on Mr. V and I hate that. I hate that I am so broke right now and I hate that Pumpkinhead and I will now be so dependent on him. The worrier in me feels like the bottom could drop out at any time and then what?!? Third, I’m feeling a bit of work insecurity. I’ve been the “go-to” person for so long and I tend to thrive in that role. We have two new paralegals starting in the next two weeks. One is a very experienced paralegal and the other is a friend of mine. While I definitely need the help, the crazy part of me worries about giving “my stuff” over to someone else (friend – don’t read this and worry – just venting) and having them do it faster, better and in a more impressive way. Isn’t that ridiculous?

To top it off, I am becoming a serious “girly girl”. Which is crazy because I am soooo not that way. Got married the first time in a green dress in front of a judge, went out for Mexican after and never gave it a second thought. But now I’m turning into a mushy fool, coveting the blessings of others and feeling anxious about the future when I should just relax and let things go at the proper pace. My friend, John, is shopping with his girlfriend for a ring. He and I went on one date last year and now we’re in similar spots romantically but he’s “leap years” ahead. LOL. Mr. V’s sister is getting married and all of her planning and prep makes me swoon. She wrote her vows last night. Sigh… Then my brother is getting married. Remember how I was guessing that he would have gotten her a basic Walmart special for an engagement ring? Um, no… He had his high school friend’s father custom design something gorgeous for her. Yeah… the green-eyed monster is coming out loud and proud. Bad PT-LawMom. I should have guessed. My brother broke his leg one year when he was 11 and made me trudge through the snow to give his girlfriend a rose. He’s always been a romantic.

Anyway, all of the above – parents leaving, job stress, my covetous nature combined with general insecurity and anxiety – has me not blogging and just trying to get through. I’m hopeful that I will rally and start being happy for all the blessings in my life rather than worrying so much.

Yes, someone should take me out back and shoot me.

August 29th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Single Parents
   |   1 Comment

Since I was already off work yesterday because Pumpkinhead was sick and had to go to the doctor’s office, Mr. V and I decided to hit the bank and take yet another step in our relationship. We opened up a joint account. I think this is a good thing. Mr. V is really good at tracking all of his expenses in Quicken. I’m really good at making sure the bills get paid. And, in the wise words of Michelle Singletary:

Landover, Md.: The old saints have said that when you marry you should have a joint account for household and family expenses; and each spouse should have their own for personal use; and have a 2nd personal account with a little secret stash of Mad $ or whatever for yourself. Does that still fit for today’s times?

Michelle Singletary: Old saints were wrong.

I encourage joint accounts and full disclosure. If you want to keep so much separate and spend the way you want then this new saint says stay single. You want a roommate not a lifetime mate.

That said, we are still each going to have our own “mad money”. Plus Mr. V has his business account because he is a small business owner. But money was a huge issue in my marriage. Chapin had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and even though he was convinced he carried me throughout the marriage (even though I always made twice his salary), he would usually refuse to help or know what was happening and then freak out about once a year over how I was handling things (usually when he wanted to buy a big ticket item and it wasn’t in our budget).

Anyway, no, there’s no ring but we are sharing a house and planning a future and having a joint account at least for the main household bills makes good practical sense.

August 29th, 2009  Posted at   Mommy stuff, Single Parents
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Pumpkinhead started First Grade at his new school this week. He was concerned that it wouldn’t go well because it wasn’t his same school from Kindergarten but all those concerns were obviously assuaged when he came bouncing home Monday afternoon telling us it is was a “short and awesome” day. LOL.

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Unfortunately he ended up right back home on Wednesday. The school nurse called and said he had a 102.2 degree fever. :( Mr. V picked him up and watched him until I got home… at 10 p.m. I stayed home Thursday and took him to the doctor where, an hour after giving him a dose of Tylenol, he still had a 103-degree temperature. Just when I was starting to really freak out, his fever broke and now he’s back to running around like his normal goofy self. Weird.

I worked 10,000 hours this week. Pumpkinhead stayed home Thursday and Friday as Mr. V and I traded off childcare duties and I worked an insane amount from home. Fortunately my sick kid only wanted to sleep and watch TV or read so I was very blessed and able to get a lot accomplished.

I’m excited to see Pumpkinhead get back to school and get into a routine. Mr. V and I are joining PTA and I’m planning to be a lot more involved this year. Fortunately because we live right next door to the school and because I now live much closer to work, it should be easier to do so. We’re also going to work on a chore chart and a homework schedule for him to help him get set into a schedule. I’m paying for weekly care at the YMCA but only using it Tuesdays and Thursdays (cheaper to pay by the month than to pay for each day). On Mon/Weds/Fri, Mr. V picks him up. I love that because he gets to relax at home rather than being in care. I always felt guilty that he had to stay at the daycare so late last year because I couldn’t pick him up until after work and he was always one of the last to leave. This situation is soooo much better. :)

August 22nd, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Mommy stuff, Single Parents
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My brother is in town. With his fiance. I haven’t met her and I haven’t seen him for a year and a half since he angered my mother so much she had to physically send him back home (he was visiting) and, a day later, she suffered a massive heart attack. He has since been arrested and gotten probation for “smacking his bitch up”, then “found Jesus”, got a full-time job and, by all appearances, has turned his life around. We’ll see… Anyway, my son completely adores his uncle and begged to go see him Thursday night. Bugged Mr. V all day long until I got home to drive him to Mimi and Granddads and then stayed up until 10:30 when their flight was delayed. Pumpkinhead spent the night with his uncle and then swam all morning with him until my parents took him to stay with his father’s girlfriend until I could pick him up.

I still haven’t seen my brother but he promised Pumpkinhead a trip to Chuck-e-Cheese tomorrow so I’m supposed to pick him and his fiance up after church and take them back to our house so they can do the Chuck-e-Cheese trip with Pumpkinhead and swim in our newly refinished pool. Then my mother is making lamb so I get to torture Mr. V with some quality family time. LOL. With any luck there will be very little judgment and it will be peaceful and pleasant and I won’t leave wanting to physically harm either my brother or my mother. And I do actually look forward to meeting future SIL who appears to be wonderful. With any luck he has really turned his life around and will treat her right. Can’t wait to see what her ring looks like. Maybe he saved some of the $14,000 he drained from my parents’ bank account during my mother’s post-heart attack hospitalization to pay for something super-nice… Like this
Or this
Or this
Or this
Or this
Or this

But he probably went with this

In the meantime, I spent the day cleaning up the house to make it semi-presentable for guests. Mr. V is super-anal (comes from a long line of OCD housecleaners, whereas I come from a long line of clutterbugs) and has been losing his shit since we moved in because there are boxes everywhere! Fortunately I got Pumpkinhead’s room and bathroom cleaned and the kitchen, living room and dining room cleared of all clutter. Even cleaned up the kitty puke stains on the carpet (Mr. V’s nasty cat gets stress-induced hairballs… blah!) Smells halfway decent and looks much better. Now I just need a haircut so that *I* will look a bit better. ;-)

Tomorrow morning I have to meet Mr. V’s sister so we can plot and plan his 40th birthday party. Old man hits the big one on September 30 so we don’t have much time. Looking at fun cakes, fun presents and a surprise element to the party. Glad I have a partner in crime! Mr. V’s sister is also getting married this year in November so we’ve got a lot going on in the next few months. Her bridal shower is September 26 at a nearby casino and I’m thrilled that she has offered to share a room with me. I think she likes me. Woot! :-)

August 16th, 2009  Posted at   Family Stuff, Health, Mommy stuff, Single Parents, Women in Law
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Yesterday was Moving Day. Pumpkinhead and I are now officially living in sin with Mr. V. LOL. Of course the house is a disaster area and my back/arms/legs are in enormous pain so that won’t change anytime soon. I have to go back to the old house and finish painting the cabinet doors I removed and promised to paint before the new tenant gets back. Waah. I just want to go back to bed. I also have about four hours of work to do for my boss who, due to a sudden push for a ton of different projects, has removed the “no overtime” restriction and is now pushing me to work nights and weekends. Fortunately the new paralegal should start in a few weeks and, with any luck, my workload will go back to “normal”.

Good thing because Pumpkinhead has one more week of freedom before he starts school. He’s with his Dad this weekend so he’s not having to deal with the mess, thank goodness. I took a few hours off last Thursday to get him registered and go to the doctor. Registration plans were foiled because I need a notarized statement from Mr. V (even though he was with me) that we live with him and a copy of the divorce decree since my name doesn’t match Pumpkinhead’s anymore. Ugh. So I need to find time to go back up there this week during their limited hours. And of course they are having “meet the teacher” from 11-12 on Tuesday. WTF?!? Thank God for Mr. V, who has promised to take Pumpkinhead over for that.

The new pediatrician is now the fired pediatrician. She totally sucked. Pumpkinhead got a third chicken pox vaccination because she didn’t read his immunization record properly, even though I insisted he had already had two (she said he couldn’t go to school without it and insisted he HAD to have it – of course when they then gave me the printout after the shot, I immediately saw TWO varicella injections. One was combined with MMR in 2007 – grrrrr!). She also couldn’t answer questions that Mr. V and I had about Pumpkinhead’s body odor (weird child – despite baths has some strange BO issues for a 6 year-old!) and sleepwalking. Fortunately she did reassure me that, despite the fact that the Vyvanse Pumpkinhead takes makes him lose weight, he is still just fine. He’s at the 90th percentile for both height and weight at 6 years old – 48″ and 56.6lbs. I have the shot records to register him for school and will be finding a new pediatrician before the next visit.

As for me, I need to go back to the neurologist. While my pain has been doing well, thank God, my numbness has not. My middle and ring fingers have been very numb lately and I’ve been having a lot of tingling in my shoulders and feet. I need to at least report that even if the answer is, yet again, “so sad; not much we can do.”

Now I need to get myself braced for more hours of hard labor. Took a pain pill last night to help me sleep but woke up this morning in excruciating pain. I am going to try some Aleve and see if that helps.

P.S. Still no child support from Chapin but he did get a new job finally. They didn’t pay him week one (they apparently pay a week behind) but he has promised money as soon as he gets paid and has asked for the child support office’s phone number so he can call and figure out how to get straight with the arrears. As for Blue Eyes, he met me late last night in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant to give me a little cash and promises more soon.

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