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On a Roll

31 Aug

My head hurts. And I can’t sleep. And when I lay down, I burp vomit. And people are pissing me off, making me cry and generally upsetting me. And the worst part is that I know some of it is me feeling irrational. I need a deep dark hole. More than that, I need to vent. Hello blog world!

So the illness continues. What else is new with me, huh? DVT blah, blah, blah. Was doing okay, working from home, rolling with it. Then the severe headaches and vomiting began. Next thing I knew, it was 6 days in the hospital and a week at home face down in my pillows trying to just think a coherent thought. Already missed Pumpkinhead’s birthday. Yep, you guessed it, also missed meet-the-teacher and first day of second grade. Mommy FAIL.

After a bunch of different meds, I am back on a lower dose of the anti-seizure meds for my general neuropathic pain (and my leg feels better – hey, a good news item!) and spent the past week on high-level oxygen, steroids and Zofran. The steroids make me sweaty and apparently are what is causing insomnia (well that and the baby that decides it’s time for kickboxing every single time I lay down and the head that aches with tiredness and yet won’t go over that sleepy edge.) The steroids finally took the throbbing/severe vomiting part away but my head still feels like someone has it (and my neck) in a vice grip 24/7. Vicodin helps some. If I try and go anywhere or get up and do much more than say, change the laundry over, I regret it. This is getting really freaking old.

Work? Hah. Well I started to draft this post yesterday when I was heading back (online from home) after two weeks with zero work contact. Bwahahahaha. Of course I completely overdid it and woke up today feeling like someone had pummeled me with a 2×4. That just made me more cranky, depressed and irritated and frustrated. Then I had a meeting set for 1 p.m. with three coworkers. They had flipped out on me yesterday about a project that I had to drop while I was in the hospital so I worked for about 4 hours last night and got them info, revised drafts, charts, etc., at 1 a.m. for a 1 p.m. call today. 1 p.m. comes around. Senior staff member gets on phone. Asks if Paralegal Do-Minimum-Necessary (“P-DMN”) and Temp have joined the call (we’re all phoning in and doing a WebEx). I say no. She goes down the hall to see where they are. Nothing. At 1:15, she calls P-DMN and puts her on speakerphone. Know what she says? “Oh, my work ran late this morning so Temp and I have gone out for lunch and I am running some errands.” WTF?!?!?!?!?! Um, we had a meeting? Is my time not important? Are you freaking serious? Do you have any idea why this is so completely wrong? You couldn’t even e-mail and reschedule?!?

And this after we had a 1.5-hour meeting yesterday with IT so I could explain some VERY basic technical concepts to my internal team (they were planning on ripping IT a new one when, in fact, they just didn’t understand the tool). At the end of the 1.5-hour call when they realized that they had no flipping clue what they were talking about and that, in fact, the project is just fine, P-DMN (who Boss has asked to run this project so that she actually has work to do) tells ME to write Boss a summary e-mail. Heh. Okay, P-DMN. Boss gets very detailed, concise, summary e-mail memo at 1 a.m. when I finally finished the work (copied to all) that starts with “Dear Boss, P-DMN asked me to send you a summary of our meeting this afternoon.” The worst part is that I had several conference calls after that 1 p.m. call today so I insisted on showing senior person the work I completed last night and now I have to hold an entirely different WebEx tomorrow for the two who bailed on me. F&^%!

As for going back to work, not looking good. I have to see a high-risk maternal/fetal medicine specialist Thursday to check the baby because my vitamin levels are all out of whack and I keep losing weight. And the neurologist now wants me to start physical therapy three days a week here near my house. Shit. And I have to see my OB weekly now!! Boss and Big Boss are telling me “No Big Deal” and encouraging me to just work from home, where I’m more productive and can do work in spurts of 3-4 hours, nap, 3-4 hours, nap, etc. But the driven part of me freaks out by that. Still… I am such a fucking mess. When I try to do anything, I get so sick. Honestly, I’m not sure I could drive in every day even if I wanted to and they let me! So the question is whether I go ahead and continue to work from home. Or take full-on disability and just go off the radar completely so I don’t fuck stuff up. Or try to go into work and risk relapse or worse illness issues or whatever. I think what I may do is try to go in on the day each week that I have my OB appointment for a few hours so I have “face time” if the doctor clears it. The good/bad thing is that work is halfway between home and my OB so it wouldn’t be a big deal to stop there for a couple of hours before/after an OB appt. I’m hoping that’s a compromise we can work out.

I was doing well working from home before the headaches/vomiting started. But that just totally incapacitated me and now I feel like a bumbling freaking idiot. Mind you, it’s only been two days since I’ve “been back” so maybe I’ll get better. I sure hope so.

Any words of wisdom from you seasoned career professionals? Honestly I guess I have no choice but to take it day by day and roll with the punches but, shit, can it stop already?!??!?!?!? And can people stop pissing me off?

(Don’t get me started on my family, ALL of whom completely failed to show for my baby shower on Saturday even though 1) they all live in town, 2) I dragged my sick ass and oxygen tank two blocks to FSIL’s for the damn thing and regretted every minute in terms of how I felt physically, and 3) several of them said yes and then didn’t come, leaving FSIL out money, time and effort (so rude!!). And half of them have RSVP’d “no” to my wedding!!! Including my uncle, whose wife apparently thinks divorce and Protestantism are both sins to be avoided. I am really feeling hurt at this point but, again, there is only so much a girl can take and I am spilling over. Got to focus on what is right in front of me today.)

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Posted in Engagement, Family Stuff, Health, Pregnancy

Medical/Work/Life Update

12 Aug

Starting to wonder if half this blog might be medical updates? LOL.

So ever since I was diagnosed with DVT in my left leg, I have been doing shots in my belly twice a day. Unfortunately I have also been on bed rest. The pain continues in a seriously insane way and the specialist I saw last week could still feel a palpable mass, resulting in 10 vials of blood drawn to figure out a cause. I heard from her yesterday and she said bed rest until at least September. She also said that the blood tests showed a clotting factor problem but they want to re-run the tests when I’m post-partum and off the blood thinners for a month. Fun. The Lovenox is $6k/month (I pay $40, thank goodness!) and the blood work was $2k!!!

So how do you work an insanely busy job in the legal department of a large corporation and deal with bed rest? Well… thank God for understanding doctors, awesome bosses and cutting edge technology. The doctor cleared me to work from home as long as I keep my leg up and my boss has had no problem with that. I’m surprised and grateful (my former boss would have been a total asswipe about it). But I’m also trying hard to hold up my end of the bargain. This week I overdid it a bit. I’m supposed to work 9-3, take a pain pill and nap, and then work 7-10 or so. All week I’ve been working 9-7 or 8 with no break except potty and food prep breaks. Today I hit a wall. I need to cut that out. But fortunately my being out has allowed other people to show their stuff (or not…) and has hopefully illustrated what I do for them. I was worried at first, especially as the bed rest kept being extended, but fortunately my company has great tech and most of the people I interact with are overseas so I’ve pretty much would interact with them by phone, WebEx and email anyway. I’ve managed to finalize a huge contract negotiation that I’ve been working on for months (hopefully GC will finally sign off tomorrow) and have worked on several reports and other projects. Big Boss has even been asking me for things consistently and, fortunately, I have been able to turn them around quickly. That said, I have had days, like today, where I have had to say, “too much!” to direct boss and rested more. But I hope I am making up for it on the other days.

In the long-term, can you really know if bed rest will affect you professionally? There is not a whole lot I can do about it. Doc says no driving (and it hurts like hell) or walking for more than 10 mins or so unless you want a clot to break off and go to your baby’s placenta or to your lungs. Somehow it’s easier to take a step back when it’s not my own health but also the baby’s at stake. Still, the real test will be at review/raise/bonus time, won’t it?

Unfortunately because of the medical issues, my Ob/Gyn has to induce me at 38 weeks. So that means wedding 10/10 and baby 10/21. Yeah… I was really hoping to have one last month at work after the wedding. That said, I was such an unproductive mess at that point in my pregnancy with Pumpkinhead that perhaps it is a blessing in disguise? Wedding planning is going well. Some RSVP disappointments (you know who you are), some pleasant surprises and some etiquette breaches (like my mother’s friend who is single, not dating, and added a guest to her RSVP – when called on it, said she wanted to invite her daughter as a “special surprise.” Um, we’re having a kids-free wedding and, as much as I’d like to pay for extra guests, we just can’t afford it!!) My MOH and bridesmaids threw me an awesome shower last weekend. Mr. V drove me (and my ottoman and pillow) over to the place (only 5 minutes away) and I had a blast with friends and family. Great food, fun games, awesome gifts, amazing company. I am very lucky to have such good friends in my life.

So it’s not all bad. Trying to look on the bright side. Baby is kicking up a storm, seemingly unphased by the shots. I get to spend more time with Pumpkinhead since he is home for the summer – what a wonderful blessing since these are our last few months alone. I get to rest, which is always nice when you are pregnant and uncomfortable. And I have more time to work on last-minute details of our wedding, which is coming up in less than 2 months!!!

And now, a 27-week belly pic:

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Posted in Engagement, Health, Mommy stuff, Pregnancy

Wedding Fun/Pregnancy Agony

18 Jul

Last week I harassed my graphic designer into moving her ass and getting us our invitations by Thursday night (instead of Monday). And, since she rocks, she did. I am sooooooooo excited!

My favorite element is the Pine Forest Family – meant to represent me, Mr. V, Pumpkinhead and baby Jacob.

Mr. V’s sister and brother-in-law met us yesterday morning and helped us get them all addressed and to the post office. I can’t wait to start getting RSVPs!!! My bridal shower is scheduled for August 8 and should be awesome fun, too. My BMs and MOH asked if I minded the toilet-paper wedding dress. I said as long as there are no “guess the girth” games, I will submit to any bridal torture they can dream up.

Speaking of torture, I could use a hacksaw about now. Ever had a Charley Horse? Yes? Ever had one that goes on and on for THREE FREAKING DAYS?!?! Yep, my left calf is soooooo sore that I wake up crying, cry walking on it, cry getting up from the toilet and standing on it, etc. I’ve tried stretching, swimming, Biofreeze, heat, ice and nothing helps. There is no redness or swelling, just severe pain. I finally called my doctor’s office last night and the OB on call told me to try Vicodin. Of course that didn’t really help much – just made me itchy and uncomfortable and I was still in pain. Fuck. So I’m going to follow up with my OB on Monday because this is just miserable. Surely she has some recommendation. I’ve been doing extra bananas and other potassium-laded items. Adding in extra calcium. I already drink like a camel. Maybe I need compression stockings or something? I didn’t have this with Pumpkinhead – just the occasional Charley Horse but they always came and went. And damn sciatica but that was my entire leg, starting in my right hip. This is different but equally sucky.

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Posted in Engagement, Pregnancy

Totally Unmotivated

05 Jul

Feeling work guilt this weekend. Yes, I stayed until 6:30 Friday even though everyone else left at 3. But the work I brought home (that should have been done Friday) is still sitting in my bag and I have absolutely zero motivation to get it done. During the week, I am still productive. But when the weekends come I am so exhausted I can’t stand the thought of pulling my work laptop out or even checking email. This is new – used to check regularly. The problem with this weekend in particular is that the week ahead is filled with early morning meetings. Big Boss is in town and I have a TON on my plate. So if I don’t get this project started/completed today, I will be even more conspicuously late with it next week. Argh… Guess I’d better get started… sometime. Zzzzz…

On the plus side, Mr. V, Pumpkinhead and I had an awesome weekend. Spent Saturday scrubbing the house to prepare for a July 4 pool party. Weather cleared up Sunday and our party was wonderful. Good friends, good times and we got some great pictures. Fortunately all the mess was cleaned up last night so now I’m just completely beat and, except for the aforementioned work project, have nothing to do but put my feet up today!

Oh, and the graphic designer who is doing my wedding invitations emailed to say they are all printed. Envelopes go to press next week and then we’ll get them to start labeling and mailing. So psyched! She’s also invited me over today to borrow her books so I can start looking at wedding programs, placecards, table tents, etc. Weeee!!! And she’s coming up with something cute for baby announcements also. She does such beautiful work that I’m delighted to see what else she develops for us. P.S. This is the same talented lady that delivered the most romantic present ever from Mr. V early on in our relationship.

2 Comments

Posted in Engagement, Women in Law

Rings

27 Jun

Mr. V and I went wedding ring shopping this weekend. There is a great local jewelry store that will let you trade in old jewelry and get credit for new. Fortunately the old diamond ring I had from my former marriage was worth a decent amount. Mr. V and I looked at a lot, mostly ring wraps to go around the beautiful solitaire engagement ring he had gave me. But my heart immediately got stuck on this gorgeous vintage ring I saw as we walked through the door. And it fit… I have really large fingers (8 1/4) so that is rare.

But Mr. V liked one of the ring wraps we found and I was worried that the less traditional, vintage look would turn off his Mom. So we bought the diamond ring wrap with our store credit, planning to come in two weeks before the wedding to get the solitaire turned to white gold and soldered to the ring wrap. I was okay and Mr. V and I set off to find something great for him, putting a deposit down on that so we could come back and order when his fingers have stopped shrinking from the surgery.

Unfortunately when I got in the car, it took about 5 minutes for me to burst into tears. Apparently I really, really, really wanted the vintage ring. Mr. V immediately turned the car around and took me back to the store, telling me to forget what everyone else thinks and get what I love. And you guys, I really do love it. The ring is wide so the solitaire won’t fit with it. We looked at mounting the diamond on top but it won’t work with this style so we think we may convert his grandmother’s engagement ring into a diamond solitaire pendant or have it re-shanked and styled with additional stones down the line. The concern is that the solitaire’s band is starting to bend/break because my fingers were so large and it was stretched too far. The ring wrap would have helped. Now we just have to wait and see if it breaks and consider either paying $160 to recover it with more gold or looking into melting it down into a pendant. Not today’s issue though…

I keep staring at my ring on my iPhone and smiling. I love it and I will work on not caring what anyone else thinks.

P.S. Have I mentioned lately that I adore Mr. V? So sweet, supportive and encouraging. I have to remember that he’ll love me no matter what – including if I don’t pick something he favors. He didn’t dislike this ring – just liked the ring wrap. And I, people pleaser that I am, decided to go with his instincts rather than trusting my own. Thank God for pregnancy hormones and great men!

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Posted in Engagement

Wrapped

20 Jun

Tonight Mr. V wrapped me from butt to boob in duct tape. It was quite the experience. My future MIL has a Julliard-trained dressmaker friend who is going to make my wedding dress. As part of that exercise, she wants a dressmaking form to help her and, for that, she sent us these instructions. It took about 45 minutes but was actually really fun and turned out well, not to mention giving me a great 20-week baby bump mold.

Can’t wait to see how the dress turns out at the end of all of this!

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Posted in Engagement, Pregnancy

Depressed

02 May

So today has been all kinds of sucky so far and now I can’t stop crying.

I’m already feeling super-fat, ugly, etc. (didn’t feel this way when pregnant with Pumpkinhead) and then Mr. V just made it worse. First he was talking about how my breasts are off limits during lactation. Then he says that if I actually make him be in the room during childbirth, the other end will also be off limits until he can “get that image out of his head.”

THEN I ask him to put my wedding dress on Craigslist. He sees the pictures for the first time and says nothing. Not “What a beautiful dress.” Not “Oh well, you wouldn’t have looked good in this anyway.” Not “Hmm.” NOTHING. Instead he tries to convince me I should sell it for peanuts even thought it is arriving at Alfred Angelo this week. Hasn’t even left the store! Surely I can get close to purchase price for it. He asks why I can’t sell it myself. Well, first, he is constantly buying and selling on Craigslist so he can monitor. Second, this is freaking hard for me! When he started working with the pictures to prepare for upload, I lost it. Starting sobbing and couldn’t stop. And he’s all like, “What’s wrong?” I called him a dumbass and went to my room. Um, I am going to look like crap on my wedding day, don’t know if I will find a dress I even like, and am honestly not sure it’s even worth the expense for a photographer when I’ll be freaking 37 weeks pregnant!

Went to lay in bed and pull myself together. Unfortunately I hadn’t had breakfast (and it was 11) so I had to get up and eat. Geez. Come back in and he’s all like, “You going to be okay? Anything I can do?” Yep, more waterworks. I’m such a hormonal mess.

Goodbye pretty dress.

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Posted in Engagement, Pregnancy

Whoops

28 Mar

So this week was surprising, to say the least….

Remember last summer when I was sick for about two months and threw a ton of money down the toilet on home pregnancy tests to be sure that wasn’t the case? Well it wasn’t and, after a scope, the doc diagnosed IBS and said to take Benefiber and a probiotic every day. I have been doing that religiously ever since.

So almost a month ago when I started vomiting at random and feeling sick pretty much all day, I presumed I was just going through a stressful period and my IBS was flaring up. Added in more fiber and finally went to the doctor last Wednesday to see if he had any tips after almost throwing up in the lobby at work (made it to the bathroom, thank God!) Since last year’s scare (when we were just using condoms), we’ve been religiously using the Ortho Evra patch. It’s supposed to be 98.6% effective. Even my doctor was convinced I had stress-induced vomiting but decided to run a test almost as I was walking out the door because I mentioned, laughing, that Mr. V was convinced I was pregnant. The doc and I laughed over that.

Until Thursday morning when his office called to give me test results. Holy shit.

So, shocked, stunned but still figuring Mr. V (who has never had a child of his own) deserved to get the news in a nice way, I left work mid-day and went home to tell him. Bought an HPT from Target and a “Daddy’s Little Princess” outfit. Peed on the stick and it INSTANTLY turned positive. When I got home, I put the stick in a ziplock and laid it with the outfit on his pillow. Needless to say, when he arrived home a few minutes later and saw it, he was just as shocked as I was. In fact, he thought I was punking him.

His mother REALLY thought we were going to call back and say April Fools. She is exceptionally concerned about the wedding, appearances, the fact that I now have a gorgeous dress I have to sell because, even though Alfred Angelo hasn’t delivered yet, it is Final, No Exchanges, No Refunds. Okay, so I’m super bummed about the wedding, too, but geez! She even sent an e-mail to her friends hoping she has their support during this rough time. Her friends came back and suggested a shotgun wedding and a reception later. Hmmph.

I did tell Mr. V that we should totally do a wedding picture with my Dad holding a fake gun to his head and me there with my pregnant belly. As for my parents, they were just happy to have a new grandchild. {unexpected reaction from them, actually!} They also said that if we want to move the wedding to August, they will deal and make it happen. They are supposed to help with some of the money and there’s the whole flying-from-Dubai thing…

Long story short (haha), because we were using birth control regularly, we have no idea how far along I am. I’m seeing the OB tomorrow morning and hope to have answers then. But best guess has me due sometime in November, which means I will be VERY pregnant on 10/10/10. I would rather move it to August but we will lose our entire deposit and have to repay to set another date. Mr. V wants to stick with 10/10/10. I warned him that pregnancies are unpredictable but, for now, I suppose we will go with that. And NOOOOO, I do not want to push it back.

So I understand that this is a blessing and I am getting happy about it but my first reaction was “Oh Shit!” I am super-busy at work, planning a wedding, etc. Don’t have time to be pregnant. Wah! But I’m adjusting. It would help 1) if I knew how far along I was and what the effect of continuing to use birth control when I had no idea may have had; 2) if I wasn’t feeling so crappy; and 3) if I had had time to prepare. I’m worried about vitamins and nutrition and hopeful that the folic acid in my vitamin was sufficient. Also hopeful that the few glasses of wine I had in the past few weeks haven’t hurt anything. Being in control (or thinking I am) is something I prefer. This has really tilted my world on its axis…

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Posted in Engagement, Health, Mommy stuff

Wedding Progress!

20 Mar

Venue secured? Check!
Dress ordered? Check! Check!
Save the Dates Mailed? Check! Check! Check!
Wedding photographer selected? Check! Check! Check! Check!

Mr. V and I are making progress. Flew up to DC a few weeks ago for work and visited my MOH while there. She got me a bridal book (who knew you needed a book?!) and since then I have been inspired to actually progress in my planning.

Mr. V is going to join me in WLS world and have gastric bypass surgery in May (my issues aside – and I’m an odd duck, really – he does need it and it’s a good thing). Today, while he still can, we’re going to go taste cake. I will probably be laying on the floor shaking after a bite or two but he’s excited to check out the flavors and Pumpkinhead can’t wait! I’ve reminded Mr. V that my intention is to go with whatever the country club offers and call it a day because neither of us will be able to eat more than the traditional bite and because I’d rather spend money on the actual food. Good meat? Yep. Great cake. Nah…

I do need to finalize bridesmaid dresses. A, if you are reading, let’s just make time and go pick ‘em. You can set the trend, girl. My bridesmaids are wearing floor-length black dresses. My MOH is wearing a claret/wine color, but she hasn’t bought the dress yet. My MOH gave me the greatest gift of a “something borrowed” in the form of a gorgeous necklace that was her mothers. Her mother passed away from breast cancer when I was pregnant with Pumpkinhead and was the most amazing woman. Both of us cried when she lent me the necklace. I can’t wait to see it with the dress!

Also need to get shoes but I have read that if I wait until June, dressy shoes will be on clearance as part of post-prom overstock. Hey, I’ll wait a while for a deal!

Now we just have to work on flowers and a DJ. Our food tasting is set up for June at the Country Club to set a menu for the wedding.

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Posted in Engagement

Update for Shels and Anon

07 Mar

Okay, okay, so apparently people think I’m lost and gone forever, abandoning the blog. Perhaps… Reality is just that my life is racing at warp speed and I can barely find time to breathe right now. So here’s the update:

Health

Except for a flareup in January, my pain is being managed quite well with the Zonegran and Cymbalta. I’m trying to sleep, eat well, take my vitamins and drink plenty of water.

Love

Purchased my wedding dress. Long, princess-like, with rhinestone pickups and a beautiful fitted bodice. Made me cry.

Purchased the Save the Dates in December. They are still sitting in the dining room waiting for me to have time to hand address them… Yeah. My love is sweet, considerate, amazing and Pumpkinhead adores him. I’m happy. And I think happy people blog less.

Work

My boss just got canned. Yee-haw! Not sure if this will work out well or end up being a bad thing but more guidance and direction will be welcomed. Micro-managing not so much. We will see how it shakes out… Lots of exciting projects right now but my “promotion” and new exempt status have lead to me working 10-12-hour days routinely. I’m pretty beat but enjoying the challenges. We’ll see how it goes…

Pumpkinhead

I took the whole week of Spring Break off only to find out that Pumpkinhead would prefer to spend that time on the truck with Chapin. Fine! Seriously, though, it is fine.

Pumpkinhead is doing amazingly well in school. His math scores are amazing, which surprises me because he is also fantastic at reading and typically people seem to only do well at one or the other. Or at least I did… Math just kills me. But he is thriving, little smartypants. The only downside is that he loves books so much that he will sneak books into bed and stay up reading. I’m getting t the point where I’m threatening to remove his bookshelves from his room. I hate that!! But he needs sleep, too. We’ve started giving him a 30-minute warning for bed and allowing him to read, then telling him “lights out.” Hopefully he will start to obey and not get lost in book world. I understand — did it myself — but I do need to be the mama.

Family

Parents are happy in Dubai. They are returning in May for my brother’s wedding and have decided to take back the car they gave us. Then they are kicking out the people who are living there for free, have told my brother and future SIL that they cannot, in fact, move in, and are going to leave it empty until my wedding and then look into renting it out. We’ll see how that goes. Love the family drama!

That’s all for now.

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Posted in Engagement, Family Stuff, Mommy stuff