Last week in group therapy we talked about trying to find things we enjoy that have nothing to do with our partner. Some women listed cooking or dancing or entertaining people in their homes, but most of us agreed that it was hard for us to determine what we like without feeling unsure if it was really “us” talking or one of the people in our lives.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this over the past year (can you believe it’s been a year?!?) because it is one of the main tenets of divorce recovery – find things you enjoy doing by yourself or just for yourself that make you happy. May sound weird but it’s hard when you are a people pleaser. So after much reflection, here are some of mine:
1. Reading – there is nothing I love more than a good book. I just joined a book club and am about to dive into this month’s selection. Yay!
2. Singing – I grew up in the choir. While my mother is a professional singer/songwriter and my brother got her voice, I can sing and I enjoy it. I love music and always have iTunes playing on my Mac when I’m home or one of the music channels on the TV.
3. Dancing – One of the classes I took in university was ballroom dancing. I really, really enjoyed it and would love to take more classes. My grandparents used to go out dancing every Tuesday. So sweet.
4. Writing – Growing up, I was a consistent journaler. That is, until my brother would find them and share them with his friends. Or until a middle school classmate found the ones I hid at school to avoid my brother and read them out loud to class.
Hence the blogging. My mother always said I should be a soap opera writer because I have a flair for melodrama. Whatever. She’s a narcissist. Writing is my only “safe” way to get my feelings out without feeling like I will be attacked. And I’m a much more effective written communicator.
5. Travel – My weekend away in March to see my friend was one of the best times I have ever had and it reminded me of how much I love to get away and see new places. My parents used to take us on weekend trips all the time when I was young and we moved a lot so I really enjoy exploring. When Pumpkinhead was a baby, I convinced Chapin to let me take him to Boston to visit one of the girls I had met on a birth board. Sweet freedom! Pumpkinhead was three months old and we flew to an airport about an hour away from my friend’s house and rented a car to save significant money on the flight. We had a blast driving around Massachusetts, New Hampshire, etc., and exploring the old towns, the outlet mall, the parks, etc., just me and my little guy. I love the peacefulness of getting lost in a place where no one knows me. Not to mention the chance to see new architecture, accents, ways of interacting, art, food, etc. So much fun!!
Mr. V is from Michigan and has mentioned a possible trip up there. Other than Chicago, where I have been several times, I have never been to the rest of that state, so that sounds like fun. I’d also like to visit Arizona sometime. Love desert areas.
6. Movies/Theater/Opera/Museums. I really like the arts. Living in DC was awesome because I could go down to the National Gallery of Art at lunch and just wander around for free anytime I wanted. When we lived in PA and my mother was in university training, she sang with Pavarotti and others and we got into the opera free regularly. It rocked!! I remember seeing Evita when I was little and then being totally obsessed with Eva Peron. LOL. And don’t get me started on how much I loved the score to The Phantom of the Opera. As for movies, I will go anytime and I will go alone. Chapin never understood that and would get mad at me so I stopped doing it. But you know what? I love movies and, damn it, if no one will go with me, I’ll go alone. Hell, before we got married (last time I was single), I even went to a George Strait/Kenny Chesney/Sara Evans concert and sat in the stands with a book and a beer just chilling all day and enjoying the music. PERFECT DAY! Who gives a crap if you are alone if you are having fun?!?
That’s it for now. But I’m going to keep thinking about things to add to my “happiness list”. What makes you happy?