My DivorceCare group tells us to adjust our expectations of what our ex-husbands/co-parents should be doing in relationship to our children and in dealing with us so that reality isn’t as harsh and disappointing. As Jeff Mac would tell you, if what a man says and what he does are different, ALWAYS ignore what he says.

My favorite new bloggess, T, sent me over to Manslations today to check out the hilarious advice column written by Jeff Mac. This one, about the imbalance between male and female expectations and understandings was my favorite. Chapin never did understand why a girl likes flowers, an unexpected gift or a sexy midday e-mail. He always bitched that flowers were too expensive (not realizing that a garden pansy would have been just as romantic) and that he didn’t know my work address, where to get them from, etc. Of course, when I said I was divorcing him, he figured it out quick…. Hmmm. He was also the kind of guy who would either make me give him a list of exactly what I wanted for Christmas/birthdays or who would get me something he thought I would like (which, in his world, meant a stuffed animal with fake plastic flowers and some music inside or some nickel-laden earrings that gave me a plague-like rash). I would always open the box and graciously thank him but inside my heart would sink and I would think, “Am I invisible? Doesn’t he see who I am and what I want?” I won’t even start on his inability/refusal to learn to use a computer or pick up a pencil to even write “I love you” except on days it was mandated (birthday, valentines, etc.).

Reading this column made me wonder how many arguments I could have avoided with Chapin if I’d just looked at him like an alien. Even though, yes, I knew that men are from another planet, it’s easy to forget that they don’t have the built in female ESP. Wouldn’t life be easier if men were mind readers? If you ever watch women interact, we have an understanding, an easy give-and-take, a sense of the order of things. Men seem to have this with each other as well but put the sexes together and we’re like toddlers fumbling around in a cluttered toy room. I wonder if gay couples experience the same problems or if it’s a bit easier to get into that easy rhythm with someone of the same sex. Googie? Dakota? I’m not asking because I’m planning to switch teams, but this article made me wonder about how to change my perspective as I deal with men in the future in relationships, at work and in life generally.

Sitting in the cafeteria of the local hospital eating a hard-boiled egg, a banana and some crappy-ass hospital coffee. Not here for me, for once. Anyway, I walked into the cafeteria and was immediately surrounded by about 60 hungry disaster response medical teams. Being so close to Galveston, I think they are being bussed down there today. While they wait, they are gassing up on breakfast burritos and sausage. There is everyone from men with guns to federal medical team members to healthcare personnel from Alabama. It’s pretty cool.

Speaking of men with guns, Blue Eyes took me shooting this weekend. I think I can cross that off my list of life activities. I was supposed to be shooting a little pistol and somehow ended up with a big rifle in my hand. It doesn’t work too well if you sight it up with the target and then close your eyes/turn your head before pulling the trigger. LOL! Still, I managed to get a few on the paper.