RSS
 

Posts Tagged ‘Money’

Shacking Up

29 Aug

Since I was already off work yesterday because Pumpkinhead was sick and had to go to the doctor’s office, Mr. V and I decided to hit the bank and take yet another step in our relationship. We opened up a joint account. I think this is a good thing. Mr. V is really good at tracking all of his expenses in Quicken. I’m really good at making sure the bills get paid. And, in the wise words of Michelle Singletary:

Landover, Md.: The old saints have said that when you marry you should have a joint account for household and family expenses; and each spouse should have their own for personal use; and have a 2nd personal account with a little secret stash of Mad $ or whatever for yourself. Does that still fit for today’s times?

Michelle Singletary: Old saints were wrong.

I encourage joint accounts and full disclosure. If you want to keep so much separate and spend the way you want then this new saint says stay single. You want a roommate not a lifetime mate.

That said, we are still each going to have our own “mad money”. Plus Mr. V has his business account because he is a small business owner. But money was a huge issue in my marriage. Chapin had a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and even though he was convinced he carried me throughout the marriage (even though I always made twice his salary), he would usually refuse to help or know what was happening and then freak out about once a year over how I was handling things (usually when he wanted to buy a big ticket item and it wasn’t in our budget).

Anyway, no, there’s no ring but we are sharing a house and planning a future and having a joint account at least for the main household bills makes good practical sense.

 

A Bit More Good News

16 Feb

I had some more good news this weekend that has taken some of the pressure off. My tenants called Saturday morning to say that they want to extend their lease through the end of April. We negotiated and they also agreed to let me start showing the house in mid-March (their original lease was up at the end of March). This is awesome because it puts us closer to the end of the school year for potential buyers and because it gives me a bit more time to get through my annual review and (hopefully, but not necessarily banking on it) raise.

In addition, my wonderful tax man called to tell me I will be getting a refund. Woot! :mrgreen: That is great news because it means I can replenish the tenants’ deposit I dipped into to cover some unexpected end-of-year root canal expenses.

On Sunday I was laying in bed flipping through a variety of cheesy old movies. I love cheesy old movies. Don Juan de Marco was on (ooh, Johnny Depp) and now I have this song in my head. I also watched Bridget Jones. If I could clone Colin Firth, change his first name and make him about 15 years younger, I think I’d have to stalk the man. :lol:

 
No Comments

Posted in Divorce

 

Cutting those final ties

08 Feb

This blog post on “I am Divorced, Not Dead” reminded me of why I have tried to keep a strict “friendly, but not friends” rule with Chapin. It is SUCH a hard line. On the one hand, the easiest thing might be to excise that person completely from your life. Unfortunately when you share a child together, that is impossible. So how do you maintain a relationship without crossing a line? Chapin has found it hard.

As Delaine says in her blog post,

I’m not saying you should expect to be enemies; no, not at all. I’m saying you should aim for something in the middle – like a ‘professional working relationship.’ It should be polite, somewhat distant, but functional. No more, but no less.

“But why Delaine?” You ask. “Isn’t it in our best interest to be friends? Isn’t it in the kids best interest?”

Because I’ve seen the same negative cycle repeat itself over and over again with me and my ex, AND other divorcing girlfriends: We start getting along well with the exes, it feels good…we may go the ‘extra mile’ for them in some way like drive the kids somewhere far away to meet them, or invite them in for dinner…and then IT happens: a mini-bomb, some kind of comment or event that hurts us, angers us, and leaves us spiraling for days, if not weeks. We all thought we were ‘moving forward’, that things were going so well, that we were ‘big enough’ to move beyond the enormity of the divorce crisis…

Except for a few missteps (i.e., paying his car insurance since the divorce, assisting him with online bill payment setup and other “household” things), I have tried to keep the relationship completely about Pumpkinhead and keep our relationship on a business level – drop off paperwork and mail with the kid two days a week; if I have to call him it is either an urgent matter related to our son or the house/vehicles/taxes. Chapin, on the other hand, calls me for everything. He’ll call when he’s lost and needs directions. He called to ask me who he should call to get a digital converter box for his TV (I told him it is not my problem to figure that out, especially to set it up for his apartment with his girlfriend). Part of this is my fault because I did absolutely everything in our marriage. So I do feel a bit of guilt. But in order for me to recover and feel whole, I need that separation. I need our son to know that we can get along for his sake and I won’t be able to do that if I feel bitter and resentful that he is using me every time he needs any kind of information, phone call, business data, etc. So I’m trying hard to set those boundaries. Our car insurance renews on March 6. His cell phone is currently dead because he didn’t pay the bill and he’s stopped paying his credit cards. He’s several weeks behind on child support. But you know what? Even though the car is in both of our names still (DAMN IT, the Court awarded one to him and one to me but he was gone for so many months we never signed transfer papers), I am going to tell him that as of March 6 he must sign my car over to me and start paying his own insurance. Unfortunately I will have to retain my name on the registration to his vehicle, it appears. He is paying the car payments now but if he stops I will be liable and need to have the car registered in my name in order to sell it if necessary.

Divorce sucks. I was laying in bed last night thinking about how bad he used to make me feel anytime I said anything he disagreed with, wore anything he didn’t like or did anything he (mis)interpreted as “bad” in some way. So I am really relieved and glad I am divorced. But it is such a huge emotional sinkhole and there is so much involved in it that it’s almost as bad as being in the bad marriage itself. Ugh. Next up, time to do my taxes and then inform Chapin that I have claimed Pumpkinhead. It’s my right has the custodial parent but he is going to be uber-pissed and it will be a major fight. :evil: I also have to check my credit report because even though we dropped my name from his credit cards and his name from mine and got confirmation from the card companies, I want to be sure that they don’t start going after me now that he’s decided he is giving up on everything but the car payment and rent because he “can’t afford it.” Sigh… Last thing I need is a credit report in the toilet.

 

Money, politics and religion

26 Dec

One of my longtime blog readers sent me an e-mail this week asking how I could afford to make charitable donations if money was really tight for me as a single mom. Well, I thought I would just e-mail her back directly. But then I thought, nah, if she is thinking this, so are others. So here’s the deal:

In November, I got hit with massive expenses between the law school demanding $2,500 repayment for summer classes, the deductibles for my car being broken into, the car payments I was making for Chapin, the need to replace my purse, makeup and other items stolen, etc. When I wrote on my blog “I’m financially fucked”, I was whining about my immediate situation. Fortunately, as I knew He would, God showed me a way out of each of those situations and I was able to make all of the payments through creative money movement and other blessings that came my way. In addition, I continue to pay $140/week for cognitive behavioral therapy for Pumpkinhead, plus $40/month for his medication, each unexpected expenses that I had not budgeted for (and we won’t even talk about my stupid meds!). I would say that no matter how much money a person makes or does not make, unexpected budget hits hurt, correct?

As for the charitable donations, I recently got paid for some contract legal document work I did this summer. It was a sizeable amount that helped with Christmas and some upcoming tax payments and homeowners association dues I must face. But I have a policy that whenever I get a large sum of unexpected money, I give some away. Sometimes that means helping a friend fulfill a dream that they could not otherwise afford; sometimes it means buying my brother’s college textbooks in the hopes that one day he would actually graduate and get a life; sometimes it means a little cash sent to my sister-in-laws in Guatemala so they can travel by bus to the city and buy some pretty shoes to counterbalance the hard life they live with no running water or electricity. Usually it also means giving to charity or two or to a local church. I hope not to grow out of this as I get older or more cynical but I believe in karma and that you get back what you put out there. I like to help people, always have. Whether it’s a lead on a job opening, a tip about a life-changing book, an invitation to join my Divorce Care group, etc., I believe that compassion is one of the gifts God gave me and it is something I like to show to others. Whether I can actually afford to do so in reality is another story. But the Lord provides. I don’t live life for tomorrow, but for today. I might (okay probably will) regret not putting that money into some sort of savings account in case of emergencies like that I faced in November, but I know that what I did feels 10,000 times better than hoarding the money for myself.

One of the things I really like about Barack Obama is his idea of attaching charitable work to a variety of financial gains. For example, students will be able to finance their educations but in return must dedicate time to charitable service. I think mandating that is an excellent idea that serves not only the student but also the nonprofits (assuming they start to actually put plans in place to properly utilize interns, which I have heard can be a challenge). I also feel some guilt about not regularly attending church (this is where the religion part comes in) and not tithing so my charitable giving throughout the year, whether as planned donations to United Way, one-offs to Dress for Success or fundraisers throughout the year, or end-of-year charitable donations, makes me feel like I’m doing what I am supposed to do.

So there’s my answer. Not sure if that is what you are looking for. Yes, money is tight many months. Fortunately sometimes I get little surprises that make things better. Other times the surprises suck and I’m living on credit. I think many people live this way. It may not be smart but it’s my life. Now, readers, go forth and buy all your Amazon products through my sidebar, get your sensual side taken care of through the Babeland links, or clink on any of the other ads to send a few (really, just a few) dollars my way and I will be sure to send the karma back your way. I’m not a hypocrite, no matter what the questioner who asked me all of this may think. I always click on someone’s affiliate banners before I shop (like Melting Mama’s ads for all my vitamins and protein!) because I feel like someone should be getting that percentage, so why not someone whose blog I read? I bought my Christmas cards through Trannyhead’s VistaPrint sidebar ad (go, buy! The cards turned out great, as did the address labels and playdate calling cards I ordered, and you can’t beat the prices.)

 
2 Comments

Posted in Politics

 

Harumph

24 Nov

Took Pumpkinhead to behavioral therapy this morning. At 6:15 a.m.! UGH. Somehow no one had told the doctor that Chapin was back. Oops!! :shock: $140 and 45 minutes later we were on our way to daycare… where I found out that “fully covered” really means “fully covered for all teacher inservice days and other school days off… except Thanksgiving and Christmas, during which you will pay out your nose for our loving care.” That was a nice little surprise. I am taking the day off and heading back to bed. I have not finished my schoolwork. I have not finished my work-work. Don’t care right now. Went to bed at 2 a.m. Must. Sleep. Immediately.

Bad decishuns.... I makes dem.....
see more crazy cat pics
cant go 2 work 2day  i has yawn
see more crazy cat pics

 
 

Shameless

14 Aug

Pretty please, do me a favor. If you are going to buy your textbooks (or anything else) on Amazon, why not visit my site first and click through my Amazon link (to the left in the sidebar) so I can make a little dough myself. Got to give Pumpkinhead more than bread and water one of these days. Thank you very much. :)

 
2 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

 

The Ultimate Betrayal

16 Feb

Have you read these stories about elderly people who go into care facilities or lose a spouse and start receiving in-home care and then get abused by the very people who are entrusted with their care? I’m not talking about physical or sexual abuse, which is bad enough, but about identity theft, which is far more insidious and apparently much, much more difficult to straighten out because most of the burden is on the victim and it is so hard to prove. In the case of the elderly, who often do not have the necessary paperwork in place to let others speak on their behalf in financial matters, it can be even more complicated to handle these things.

When one of my parents was rushed to the hospital recently, I made sure to get their wallet out of the hospital that first night before there was any alone time with anyone who might be able to swipe information. I don’t know why that occurred to me. It could be because I heard a horrible story when I was volunteering at a recent pro bono legal clinic or because a coworker had his checks stolen and used for several months in small amounts before he realized it was happening. But ultimately my parent was glad to have the info safe and sound at home.

Little did we know that home is not always a safe place. This week, in the midst of other stressful events with my family and continuing recovery for my parent, they found out that a large amount (almost 5 figures) was missing from their bank account. For a variety of reasons, my ill parent had to be the one to deal with the bank this week and just thought it was a case of some stranger stealing from them. What we could never have expected… what no one would have imagined… is that we would find out that it was a close family member who took the info knowing that 1) my grandparents died last year and passed on inheritance so, for the first time, there’s actually that kind of money in the bank (although, fortunately, most is invested) and 2) because my parents were both stressed and one was ill, they probably wouldn’t notice right away. :sad:

What is most shocking about this, and the reason I’m telling the tale, is that this family member lives in another state and was still able to do this. The bank never called until my parent noticed the missing funds! After receiving the debit card info by phone from my parent to pay for something small, he somehow found someone shady to help him make a new debit card with a the info and a fake name that he could use to rack up almost $10k in charges on things like jewelry and other similarly trivial, unnecessary items. I don’t know what my parents will do about this because I think the remedies are either prosecution or payment of the missing amount. I seriously doubt they will go the prosecution route due to the close relationship with this family member, even though this is such a horrible violation of trust.

Talk to your parents about protecting themselves. Encourage them not to give their debit card info out over the phone. What my parents found out is that they would have been much more protected had they used a credit card and, if the goal was to avoid racking up debt, just paid the credit card company immediately. The bank told them they can get a bank credit card, use that, and immediately transfer money from their checking account to the credit card to cover large or small purchases. In addition, the bank also encourages people to use online banking instead of paper checks. It is just too easy for people to use your routing/account number to steal from you and it takes several billing cycles to get that money back. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I couldn’t afford that kind of hit. Protect yourselves and protect your family members. Hopefully unlike our case it won’t be your own family doing this to you.

 
5 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

 

Student loan reform

09 Sep

Even though Congress couldn’t get the job done on immigration, I was very pleased to see that they have compromised on student loan reform and passed a bill that really seems like it might make a difference.

 
 

Recovering money paid to a bad service provider

25 Jun

Have any of you gone to receive a service, paid in full before it’s fully completed, and then had the job so fouled up that you basically have to stop mid-service but then have to recover your payment? How do you go about it? What if the service provider feels that they are entitled to all of the funds because of the work done thus far? Perhaps they ordered a part from an outside vendor and will now be stuck with it? I have such a hard time with these things and am in a real pickle right now. I either have to use the current sucky provider or forfeit about $2k and pay it AGAIN to someone else. This service cannot be put off and I have to find a new provider ASAP. The current provider will know that I’m in this bad spot. I’d appreciate any tips people might have to offer me.

 
2 Comments

Posted in Uncategorized

 

You can revive a 10 year-old printer!

15 Apr

In 1997, I made my best-ever purchase (second to the aforementioned Dyson), an HP 6L LaserJet printer. This trusty printer got me through undergrad, several years in publishing and I was looking forward to using it for law school. Unfortunately, the cable was outdated and wouldn’t work with my shiny new Mac. After moping around for a few days and considering purchasing an expensive new printer, I realized some Internet detective work was in order. I found the most wonderful store, Luso PC. Luso PC sells on Amazon (where I went) and eBay and has the best customer service I’ve encountered in a long time. When I at first ordered the incorrect converter cable, Joe at Luso e-mailed me right back and told me exactly what cable I needed and helped me ship it back. They immediately sent me the proper cable and then, thanks to some awesome MacWorld posters, I found the drivers I needed. I have just successfully printed a set of beautiful pages. :-) I’m so excited!!!