Posts Tagged ‘Family’
That Kind of Day
08
May
Weekend recap
03
May
I had a wonderful weekend. Spent Saturday morning with my Dad running errands, adding Dad to my Sprint account, swapping out my crappy ass Sprint phone that kept eating Mr. V’s text messages and working on repairs at the house. After seeing New Duck’s apartment post, I felt a sudden motivation to clean my (way-worse) apartment. Then I dropped Pumpkinhead at his Dad’s house around 4:30 p.m. and came back home to get ready for Mr. V. After completely losing track of time, I had to race and ended up late and laughing with Mr. V over my inability to be punctual for any of our dates. We had a fun and totally delicious dinner and then watched “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”. Yummy makeout session and he headed back to his side of town to take care of his animals and I headed home for a much-needed long night’s sleep.
Sunday morning brought an obnoxious wakeup call from Chapin asking for a favor followed closely by one from my mother demanding that I get my ass out of bed and get over to my house to take my Dad some things (she probably thought Mr. V was over and was pissed/jealous/irritated). Pumpkinhead and I went to church and both had a blast, then spent the afternoon running errands and shopping together.
When we were at the store, we came across some flowers that Pumpkinhead wanted me to buy because they were “sooo pretty.” I told him I didn’t have money for that today. He said, “You need flowers, Mama. You can use my money.” Awwwww… So he took out his $5 and bought me the irises. My boy is the sweetest boy ever. He also cuddled with my robe Friday night because it is super-soft and smells like Mama. LOL.
This song has been playing on the radio all weekend and now I can’t get it out of my head. So catchy and sweet!
Divided By Status
26
Apr
The New York Times has a pretty heartwrenching piece today examining what happens when a couple immigrates, then brings their small children over and raise them here. The kids, of course, get completely Americanized only to find out when they graduate from high school that the buck stops there. Should the children have to pay for the “sins” of the parents? I hate these laws. Regardless of anyone’s position against the parents, it won’t deter them to make the kids pay for it. How sad… 
The article also addresses professionals, often women, who flee their countries to join their spouses in the U.S. and end up taking blue collar jobs and not utilizing their skills here. That is even worse!
Saved
21
Apr
My parents went up to DC to visit my brother this weekend. Apparently he has really taken a 180-degree turn over the past year since he started dating this very religious and sweet Haitian girl. I didn’t believe it at first but I’m starting to feel more certain that he is finally growing up. He is very active at work and in church which is HUGE for him. I’ll take it all with a grain of salt, but I’m happy to see it. And she is quite lovely. They announced their engagement this weekend and have set a wedding date for May of next year.
Saved by Love
I wasn’t stranded in the desert
I wasn’t drifting out to sea
I was in no kind of danger
That would be the death of me
But when you took me in your arms
Like an angel from above
I was saved, saved by love
I wasn’t strung out in some alley
With a habit I couldn’t kick
Wasn’t lost in dark depression
I wasn’t hurting. I wasn’t sick
Didn’t have all that I needed
But what I had seemed like enough
‘Til I was saved, saved by love
You don’t long for what you don’t know
You don’t miss what you never had
You just watch your life float on by
Not too good, not too bad
Looking back before you found me
What a sad, sad case I was
‘Til I was saved, saved by love
Now I look at all the wrong turns
I’ve passed along the way
The dead ends I’d of raced down
And the price I would’ve paid
There but for the grace of you
Who knows where I’d of wound up
But I was saved, saved by love
Yeah I was saved, saved by love
Living with Children
21
Apr
I am so irritated. Let me start this off by saying that I love my parents but right now I sure don’t like them very much. My mother is 58. She doesn’t work. Even though she should. She’s just given up. So you’d think she’d stay home and take care of the house, the bills, my kid, etc. Nope. They pay for a housecleaner and I pay an obscene amount of money for after-care for my son. That’s not to say that my parents don’t help out a lot with Pumpkinhead. But I spend a ton of unnecessary funds while she sits home…
This morning I am sitting here, greasy and stinky, because for the THIRD TIME since I moved in with them last summer, the water is shut off. Because, oh yeah, my Mom “forgot” to pay the bill. She “forgets” to pay the cable, the water, the electricity. My Dad is an engineer. He makes $100k+. Where is the money going? WTF?!?!
I am sooooo sick of this. She bitches all the time about how tired she is and how much energy my son has and how he wears her out. She won’t let his little friend from across the street come over because they are “too much”. She takes money from my account for groceries I never eat because I’m always working and rarely home (and I buy food for Pumpkinhead’s school lunches myself).
Sure, I could get an apartment. But I just got a $600 bill from freaking Sallie Mae, I have a Big Ass Truck payment of $600, just realized I have to consider what the hell I will do with Pumpkinhead this summer when daycare expenses go up even more, and the house still hasn’t sold or rented. Oh and I have no idea what my formerly good credit report looks like since Chapin stopped paying all of his bills three months ago. (We took my name off but I think the law says that if you were on as a cosigner it doesn’t matter… scared to look, but I should probably get the hell over that).
I haven’t been freaking out about any of this. I’ve been moving along, enjoying life, happy that I have a job and a place to stay. Counting my blessings, as they say. Yes, I realize I could have it So Much Worse!! But I want a shower, damn it. And my kid didn’t get a bath last night. And my car payment is due this week. ARGH!!!
Cha-Cha-Cha
08
Mar
One step forward, two steps back. There’s a Big Ass Truck in my driveway. And my fully paid-off Honda CR-V is in Chapin’s possession. How did this happen, you ask? I blame my Dad….
Two weeks ago, when yet again I had to help make the payment because Chapin couldn’t do so, I told Chapin to bring it over that weekend so that we could take pictures and put it up for sale (the truck is in both of our names so my credit record is on the line). That’s when my Dad stuck his nose in and said he wanted to buy the truck. Hmm.. 
I said, “well, I suppose so, but have you talked with Mom?” His response, “Not yet, but I will.” Fast forward to today after many discussions between Dad and Chapin and trips to the Credit Union, discussions with Toyota, etc., and my Dad and Chapin get together for some final stage negotiations. Dad was supposed to take possession of the truck so he could sell it and buy himself a Yaris and Chapin was going to get Dad’s Subaru in exchange for signing over rights to any money from the sale of our house. You guessed it. Mom knew nothing about it, completely flipped out, and it turned into a huge screaming match wherein she said that they can’t afford another vehicle (never mind the fact that, when he works, he makes six figures and she doesn’t work and the house is paid off.)
Conflict makes me sick to my stomach. I’m an avoider. I know it. I’m working on it. But today it really kicked me in the ass. I dragged Chapin outside and left my parents inside to argue (almost forgot Pumpkinhead because he was so quiet in the other room 
). Chapin offered me $2k and all rights to the house proceeds in exchange for the CR-V. He will give me the Tundra and I will do my best to sell it. Problem is that we are waaayyyy upside down on it so I will have to keep paying off the balance on it, but hopefully I can find a cheap, small car to get around in. Crap. Bottom line is that I just went from no car payment to a $580/month truck payment until I can offload this behemoth! 
And I did it to myself.
On the plus side, I now have control over my credit being ruined. And I can choose to either rent out the house or sell low and take a loss on it. Either way, I have choices. Choices are good, I suppose. In the meantime, anyone want a Big Ass Truck?
Yawn!
06
Mar
Work has been insane the past few weeks (but fun!) and tonight I didn’t get home until almost 11 p.m. after a late conference call/WebEx with Asia. Now I’m exhausted but I didn’t get dinner so I’m sitting here munching on carrots and hummus as I make plans to meet friends for dinner tomorrow night, fill out all of the forms in Pumpkinhead’s daily school folder (who knew Kindergarten would be so much work!), and try to decide whether I can handle a party that starts at 10:30 on a Saturday night and still drag my lazy ass out of bed in time for 9:30 church on Sunday. 
Probably not, but it’s a good friend’s birthday and I committed to church for Pumpkinhead so I will figure out a way to do both.
Speaking of the balls I am juggling, I am on family duty tomorrow. My aunt is in the hospital and I’m the only family member not laid up with the flu, in the middle of midterms, spending the day receiving chemo (boo! ), traveling on business or stuck at home with kids. So I’m taking the morning shift and then leaving around 11 to race into work in time to take my new assistant out to lunch. It’s her first day so I feel bad that I’m not there to welcome her. On the other hand, I’m trying to make sure I keep my priorities straight and family definitely comes first! Hopefully my Saturday will include a nap sometime. Pumpkinhead has a Saturday morning karate tournament so I know I won’t be sleeping in. Bummer. That said, it’s midnight and I’m hitting the hay.
Progressing
02
Mar
This week, a good seven months after moving out of the house Chapin and I shared together and into my parents’ poolroom, I finally went through the boxes I had yet to unpack and rummaged through my storage unit to see if I could find some missing items. I cleaned up, pared down, put stuff up for sale and generally made good progress in moving on. I also enlisted Chapin’s help. He wasn’t around 7 months ago so he sure as hell could help my Dad not throw his back out moving things to a much less expensive unit this weekend. Dad and I went through the unit yesterday and he and Chapin moved items from one unit to another today, with Chapin taking some of the household items and baby stuff (gag) that I really don’t need to hang onto.
I’ve realized that it is unlikely that I will move out anytime soon and that if I do move out sometime in the next few years, it will only be because I have met someone I want to marry. In that case, since we would both be fairly old, my assumption is that that person would have at least the basics. So why the hell do I want to hold onto all the things I accumulated with Chapin and pay to store them? That’s just silly. Besides, my mother has more than enough to share. And the reality is that my Dad is freaking nuts and my mother’s health isn’t great. Unless I get married, I’m stuck here. Most importantly, my kid loves his grandparents and it takes a village, or so I’m told…
Anyway, I got a lot done. Moved out some furniture I wasn’t using. Created a cozy corner at the end of my bed with an armchair, bookshelf and footrest where I can watch TV or work on my laptop. Moved my china cabinet out of storage and into my room, It takes up much less space than I expected and looks beautiful. Plus it allows me to display some of the china I received from my grandmother and enjoy looking at it.
The hardest part of this weekend, and one of the reasons I had avoided it for so long, was going through all of the photos and cards from the last 8 years of my marriage. I’m a pack rat. I keep everything. Chapin would give me cards on every occasion and, because he couldn’t really understand what the card said unless he bought one in Spanish, he would usually buy an English one that wasn’t always exactly on topic and then write something sweet in Spanish inside. Looking back I realize that he pretty much wrote the same thing every single time, “You’re the most beautiful, wonderful woman I’ve ever met. You are the best mother and the best wife and I love you very much.” But it meant a lot to hear it. This weekend as I was going through all of the items I’d thrown in a box back in the summer as I was packing, I tried to decide what to keep and what to toss. Ultimately I decided to keep a small selection of my cards to him and his cards to me along with our wedding album. I put them in a box and put them back in storage and will give them to Pumpkinhead when he is older so that he can know that he was born in love (although I guess I’ll wait until he’s old enough to understand why sometimes love isn’t enough). We also have tons (and I mean TONS) of photos from vacations and just from Pumpkinhead’s childhood years that I need to get into an album. I keep moving them from house to house and should really actually do something with them.
Bottom line, this was a productive weekend. I’m feeling happy with all that I’ve accomplished, except that I got far less work done than I had hoped and it is already 11:15 p.m. Crap. 8:15 doctor’s appointment in the morning and insanely busy day ahead!
At the Whim of Others
05
Feb
In pain, I have not been staying true to myself the past month or so. I’ve been doing for everyone else and not for me. When people say jump, I say how high. When I reach out and don’t get back in return, I take it and stuff down the hurt because I don’t have the energy to deal with the drama from confronting the narcissists in my life.
Last night I had to do something I didn’t want to do at a time of the night I didn’t want to do it because I wasn’t able to push back. Then my currently manic father caught me off guard with his new plan to drive me home from work two nights a week and make my mother drive me back to my car the next morning. I waved him off with an “okay, whatever” and went to bed. I was exhausted and hurting and figured we’d deal with it when it happened. Well apparently he meant NOW, as my mother informed me this morning. He called me at 3 to tell me he’d be leaving his work at 4:30. I reminded him that I usually leave work around 5:30. He said he would just come up to my office and hang out.
5:15 comes. I am in major pain at this point. Call to find out where he is and he hasn’t left downtown. Then he gets stuck in traffic. Next thing we know it is 6 p.m. and he is just arriving to pick me up. And he wants to eat…
“I’m hurting and exhausted, Dad. Can’t we just go home?”
“No, I need to eat. Let’s go get something fast and then we can go.”
“Okay, then, how about the mall food court so I can swing by the Apple store quickly and pick up a new cord for my Mac to replace the broken one.”
“Sounds good. It’s only a few blocks away.”
He fought my directions the whole way to the mall, got turned around in the parking garage and kept turning the A/C on (the cold air makes my pain worse). Then when we were done at the Apple store (don’t get me started on that experience), I go to look for the food court and he says all he wants is a Snickers.
“You don’t want to eat?”
“Yes, but all I want is a Snickers.”
“Dad, we could have stopped at a gas station and been home by now for a Snickers. I thought you wanted dinner.”
“I just want a Snickers. Why doesn’t this place have a Snickers? Is it too good to carry a simple Snickers?”
ARGH!?!?!?! It took us another HOUR to get home in traffic, again fighting with the A/C (me turning it to warm, him turning it back to freezing) and him taking us completely out of the way. We arrived home at almost 7:30. So much for fast. And he wants to do this twice a week for “quality time with his girl”. I may just lose my mind…
Living With Punks
30
Dec
I was cleaning my room and the cell phone rang. It was my Mom. I walked inside and handed the phone to my son. He said, “Mimi, Mommy is making me macaroni & cheese.” Hahahaha. Guess he was hungry, but what a way to ask. 
Then my cat, Shirley, has been all over me today. Every time I open the door to my room she darts in there and hides and no matter where I want to sit, she slips under me and takes the spot before I can sit down, making me pick her up and cuddle her to get her moved out of the way. Little punks. 
So my Mom has taken off on a Thelma and Louise-type road trip to Albuquerque with her free-spirited hippie best friend whose husband recently found a new girlfriend after 37 years of marriage and, when she confronted him, said he didn’t understand why he couldn’t keep them both. Yeah, I’m praying their road trip doesn’t track the movie. After some sort of female religious bonding ritual in Albuquerque, they are off to discover their artsy fartsy sides in Taos.
My Dad went to the psychiatrist today and got a medication adjustment, some good advice about keeping on a strict schedule with his meds (i.e., taking a few with him along with some PB crackers in case he stays out late one night or something and misses the normal dosage time). The psychiatrist really liked this chart I found that has the patient fill out what they see as their trigger behaviors during a manic onset and a depression onset and then there is a box for each where they write what they would like family/friends to say or do when they observe those triggers. He has to go back again next week to see if the med adjustment is working. I sure hope so. He is doing so much better than when he was so severely depressed and I don’t want to see the pendulum swing the other way.
