Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

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October 9th, 2009  Posted at   Dating
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The last few months, for all their good, have also been filled with fears, unsettled feelings and worry. Ha. What else is new? I’m dealing with a ton of stress at work and that has me on edge, working too much and trying to “fix” something over which I honestly have no control and seek out affirmation from someone I know will never give it.

As for my relationship, it is going better than ever. And that scares the living daylights out of me. Heh. I hate, hate, hate not being in control. And I hate feeling “less than”, but I do. Mr. V says my insecurities are exhausting. Yeah, I’ve heard that one before (Blue Eyes). Jeff Mac says to pay attention not to what a man says but to what he does. So if he says loving things but continues to live somewhat in the past, staying friends with old girlfriends, checking out the occasional Match.com pairing even though his account is shut, or showing evidence of desires I could never fulfill, does that mean I’m in trouble? Or am I magnifying small, normal guy behaviors and overlaying them with insecurities borne of a cheating husband who made me feel undeserving of love? How do I stop feeling so panicked at every little thing and learn to fully trust someone who hasn’t given me any reason NOT to trust him? How do I stop “making him pay” for Chapin’s mistakes?

My friend, T, blogged this week about this same issue and how she doesn’t trust her own judgment, constantly over-thinking and second guessing every move. I can see why it would frustrate Mr. V so I try not to question or second-guess and keep most of this to myself. I have to hope that someday it will go away. And part of me really does think I need to go back to my therapist and talk to her about everything. Because I know that Mr. V is an awesome man who is good for me and vice versa. And I love him. And Pumpkinhead loves him. He makes me laugh and makes me happy. I think this all stems from the fact that I still don’t really understand why Chapin cheated and, deep down, truly feel that it was because of some deficiency of mine. How do you get past that? How do you learn to love yourself and trust that you are lovable and worthy for everything you have to offer and not to hang everything on someone else? I’m doing it at work and I’m doing it at home. Argh. I don’t believe it’s something you can learn overnight but I sure wish there was a pill you could take.

September 21st, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Divorce, Single Parents
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So men are really pissing me off today.

First it was my boss who kept insisting I invite a coworker who is in the middle of an international relocation/vacation to several meetings this week. I finally said, “Um, boss, not to be rude or out of line, but isn’t [coworker x] on vacation?” His response? “Well all of us are expected to check in on vacation.” Okay… Sure, for urgent matters. But for the technical training I can provide her with in a week when she’s back in the office? Um, no. Asshole.

Then Mr. V is totally on my bad side. He lost a huge client last week (1/4 of his annual revenue). In order to help out, I am taking on a second job. So I spent 1.5 hours on an orientation call this evening for this ethnography service (you follow people around a store and observe their shopping habits, offering gift cards in exchange for survey responses). Anyway, in the middle of the conference call my Dad called and asked if he could come stay the night. Am I the only one who thinks turning down a family member is akin to sacrilege? So of course I said sure. I thought he was on his way to the UAE Sunday but he ended up stating three more days and will fly out Wednesday night. Anyway, Mr. V was pissed. Said the house was a mess (I cleaned the living room/entry way/dining room last night and cleaned out the guest room/made the queen bed upstairs). Then when my Dad arrived, he stayed quiet and ignored him. Finally, when my Dad went to get a snack before bed, he let out the biggest sigh.

Excuse me? I live here. I pay part of the bills, too. My Dad is perfectly welcome to eat the food my money buys and sleep on my bed in our house. Grrr. WTF?!?! Seriously, do you think Mr. V would have told his family the timing was inconvenient and that they couldn’t spend the night? I understand that the last-minute nature of the request was rude but it is my Dad. And I love him. And he’s off to the Middle East for God knows how many years. Geez!! If he wants to open our fridge without asking, well, that’s how I was raised – mi casa es su casa. My parents brought strays and random church folks and hippies and crazy people over all the time. Heck, sometimes I even had to share a room. It was just how we were. If the man wants to be with me, he has to accept both me and my family, quirks and all.

Grrr….

September 7th, 2009  Posted at   Blogging, Dating, Single Parents
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1. When you go to Walmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration? Chocolate

2. What is something that people are currently “into” that you just don’t get or appreciate? Reality television – bleech!

3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel “ho-hum” about? I am a bit of a Facebook fanatic, especially since Mr. V introduced me to Mafia Wars. I don’t usually play games but that one is fun!

4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car? I’m not consistent but I love to sing and do it more so in the car.

5. A really great salad must have this ingredient: Mushrooms

6. What advice in a nutshell would you give to new bloggers? Don’t blog anything you wouldn’t say out loud. I know, I know, I blog a lot of wild crap. But I would say it out loud. I would!

7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you? Bronwyn Mary. I think it is beautiful but I like my name. I was ultimately named after my late Godmother and I appreciate being named after such a wonderful woman.

8. What in your life are you waiting for? This, this, this, this, this (business travel) and this

9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from? A book from an Amazon Marketplace seller.

10. Today–what song represents you? I’d like to say “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child. But in my neurotic state it’s probably “If You Had My Love” by Jennifer Lopez

11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself? I’m a little nutty. :-)

12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you’re wearing today? What do they say about you in general or specifically how you’re feeling today? I had to go for a midnight dive into the pool to rescue my glasses. They fell in after an unexpected sexy afternoon skinny dip with my man. (hubba hubba) I didn’t realize they were in the pool until we were leaving for dinner so I went out to eat blind and then jumped in when I came back. Picked my clothes because they were dry and warm. It’s almost noon and I’m still wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt.

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September 7th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Single Parents
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I’ve been in a funk lately. Working too much, too stressed, and feeling unmotivated to blog. That said, I do have some news.

My Dad finally got a job this week. But it’s in the UAE. The good news is that it’s what he wants and he is super-excited. He saw his psychiatrist before he left and will be getting set up with one overseas.

My mother will also be joining him. And, woohoo, she has FINALLY (19 years after her diagnosis with bone-on-bone arthritis) decided to have her left knee replaced. This is a good thing.

But. They are offering my brother and his fiance the chance to move down and live in their house for the next few years. For free. This concerns me for several reasons. 1) Remember my brother is the one who stole from my mother after pushing her over the edge into a heart attack less than two years ago? 2) If my parents are in the UAE, who will be here to “fix” things if something goes wrong? Oh yeah… that would be me. So part of me really hopes that future SIL says no. But the realistic part of me knows my brother will probably be down here soon. Hopefully he really is on the right path and doing better. Sigh…

I’m also reverting back to my old needy ways. Mr. V and I have fallen into a bit of a rut. You know how men do romantic things when they are dating you and then stop when they “have you.” Yep… And his backing off those things makes my silly anxious head worry about us. Which is ridiculous because I’m living in his house and I love him and I know he loves me. Why do I need constant reassurance? I think part of it is that old saying… “Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?” And part of it is his last long-term girlfriend. Also ridiculous but he lived with her for three years and then, just when she thought he was going to propose, he dumped her. Mind you, it wasn’t working and he made the right choice. But the fact that it went down that way makes me worry about what he is NOT telling me. See how my crazy mind works?

I think I’m sinking into a bit of a panic for several reasons. First, my parents leaving. We moved a ton when I was a child and they were the only constant in my life. The idea of them living so far away, while probably good because my mother is driving me nuts, is also somewhat devastating. Second, I am feeling very dependent on Mr. V and I hate that. I hate that I am so broke right now and I hate that Pumpkinhead and I will now be so dependent on him. The worrier in me feels like the bottom could drop out at any time and then what?!? Third, I’m feeling a bit of work insecurity. I’ve been the “go-to” person for so long and I tend to thrive in that role. We have two new paralegals starting in the next two weeks. One is a very experienced paralegal and the other is a friend of mine. While I definitely need the help, the crazy part of me worries about giving “my stuff” over to someone else (friend – don’t read this and worry – just venting) and having them do it faster, better and in a more impressive way. Isn’t that ridiculous?

To top it off, I am becoming a serious “girly girl”. Which is crazy because I am soooo not that way. Got married the first time in a green dress in front of a judge, went out for Mexican after and never gave it a second thought. But now I’m turning into a mushy fool, coveting the blessings of others and feeling anxious about the future when I should just relax and let things go at the proper pace. My friend, John, is shopping with his girlfriend for a ring. He and I went on one date last year and now we’re in similar spots romantically but he’s “leap years” ahead. LOL. Mr. V’s sister is getting married and all of her planning and prep makes me swoon. She wrote her vows last night. Sigh… Then my brother is getting married. Remember how I was guessing that he would have gotten her a basic Walmart special for an engagement ring? Um, no… He had his high school friend’s father custom design something gorgeous for her. Yeah… the green-eyed monster is coming out loud and proud. Bad PT-LawMom. I should have guessed. My brother broke his leg one year when he was 11 and made me trudge through the snow to give his girlfriend a rose. He’s always been a romantic.

Anyway, all of the above – parents leaving, job stress, my covetous nature combined with general insecurity and anxiety – has me not blogging and just trying to get through. I’m hopeful that I will rally and start being happy for all the blessings in my life rather than worrying so much.

Yes, someone should take me out back and shoot me.

August 22nd, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Mommy stuff, Single Parents
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My brother is in town. With his fiance. I haven’t met her and I haven’t seen him for a year and a half since he angered my mother so much she had to physically send him back home (he was visiting) and, a day later, she suffered a massive heart attack. He has since been arrested and gotten probation for “smacking his bitch up”, then “found Jesus”, got a full-time job and, by all appearances, has turned his life around. We’ll see… Anyway, my son completely adores his uncle and begged to go see him Thursday night. Bugged Mr. V all day long until I got home to drive him to Mimi and Granddads and then stayed up until 10:30 when their flight was delayed. Pumpkinhead spent the night with his uncle and then swam all morning with him until my parents took him to stay with his father’s girlfriend until I could pick him up.

I still haven’t seen my brother but he promised Pumpkinhead a trip to Chuck-e-Cheese tomorrow so I’m supposed to pick him and his fiance up after church and take them back to our house so they can do the Chuck-e-Cheese trip with Pumpkinhead and swim in our newly refinished pool. Then my mother is making lamb so I get to torture Mr. V with some quality family time. LOL. With any luck there will be very little judgment and it will be peaceful and pleasant and I won’t leave wanting to physically harm either my brother or my mother. And I do actually look forward to meeting future SIL who appears to be wonderful. With any luck he has really turned his life around and will treat her right. Can’t wait to see what her ring looks like. Maybe he saved some of the $14,000 he drained from my parents’ bank account during my mother’s post-heart attack hospitalization to pay for something super-nice… Like this
Or this
Or this
Or this
Or this
Or this

But he probably went with this

In the meantime, I spent the day cleaning up the house to make it semi-presentable for guests. Mr. V is super-anal (comes from a long line of OCD housecleaners, whereas I come from a long line of clutterbugs) and has been losing his shit since we moved in because there are boxes everywhere! Fortunately I got Pumpkinhead’s room and bathroom cleaned and the kitchen, living room and dining room cleared of all clutter. Even cleaned up the kitty puke stains on the carpet (Mr. V’s nasty cat gets stress-induced hairballs… blah!) Smells halfway decent and looks much better. Now I just need a haircut so that *I* will look a bit better. ;-)

Tomorrow morning I have to meet Mr. V’s sister so we can plot and plan his 40th birthday party. Old man hits the big one on September 30 so we don’t have much time. Looking at fun cakes, fun presents and a surprise element to the party. Glad I have a partner in crime! Mr. V’s sister is also getting married this year in November so we’ve got a lot going on in the next few months. Her bridal shower is September 26 at a nearby casino and I’m thrilled that she has offered to share a room with me. I think she likes me. Woot! :-)

June 17th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Mommy stuff, Single Parents
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Sorry I have been so absent lately. Illness, moving, inability to blog from work (duh) and closing on a house sale all lend themselves to a perfect storm of non-blogging.

Work has been kicking my butt the past few weeks with competing tasks all due RIGHT NOW. My boss is out of the country and called to chew my ass out for something yesterday. Then he called back 10 minutes later to repeat himself in case I didn’t get it the first time. He was wrong; I was right. Good thing the man is a few thousand miles away right now. Grrr.

Yes, I am fully moved into the new place. Not fully unpacked but getting there. And I found roommates. Yes, roommates. I was looking for one, but I ended up with a couple and their cute 7 year-old daughter. No signs of crazy so far, woot! And the wife bakes. Danger, Will Robinson!!! The man is a general contractor and the woman is an accountant. They have just moved to town and were looking for a short-term lease while he restarts his business and they sell their house out of state. It will be very handy to have him around to help with the house repairs and to do all the icky yard work I wasn’t looking forward to handling (he’s already taken that on like a champ!) :-) Sounds crowded but so far so good. They are very laid back and nice. Their daughter and Pumpkinhead are having fun. Sure, there’s some fighting/competition but nothing the parents can’t handle. I’m also considering switching to the same daycare so I can do dropoff and they can do pickup, which would be a huge help for me.

Speaking of daycare… GRR. Chapin wanted me to use the wife of one of his coworkers. She wants $125/week (actually she wanted $150). She reports to Chapin on EVERYTHING and then I get a call. For example, as soon as I drop off, I get a call asking why I dropped him off so early/late. Or why he wasn’t wearing socks (he refused and I finally stopped fighting). Or why he was in a grouchy mood. For Pete’s Sake!!!! I’m about ready to throttle Chapin.

Closing on the house sale didn’t help. I had to take $6,100 to closing. Yep. No help from Chapin. No discount from the real estate agent who has now received THREE commissions from us in the past three years (purchase, rental and now sale). I’m totally tapped out. Argh.

On a sad note, Shirley the Cool Cat is missing. :( She has a new collar with her name, number and address so I’m hoping she will show up. But it’s two days and counting. I am so sad. Pumpkinhead has also started to ask for her. I am praying nothing bad has happened to her. Oh boy.

This weekend I have to go down to my parents’ house and clean up. They have been calling regularly to find out when I will be doing so. Lovely… I told them this weekend because I’m going to see Blue Eyes on Saturday morning to pick up a bed I’d given him and a washer/dryer set he said I could have (no, not weird – this all came about when I went to pick up the chainsaw and weed whacker I’d left in his garage. And he still owes me money. And we’re both in good/happy places in our lives right now so all is good.)

Speaking which, have I mentioned that I love Mr. V? ;-) Oh yeah!! I’ll love him even more if he follows through and gets me some of these. Tee-hee.

June 11th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Single Parents
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Apparently Rachel inspired me. ;) Yeah, I said it. Sigh… Was sitting on the couch the other night staring at him and he looked over and said lovingly, “What’s up? Why are you looking at me?” Couldn’t help myself (and had some beer courage). Grabbed his neck, put my mouth up to his ear and said, “I am totally falling in love with you and it scares the shit out of me!” Guess what? He loves me, too. Grin.

Remember a few months ago when I said I have no doubts, no red flags, no worries? Yep, gets better every day and still not a single “Holy crap, this man is a psycho!” warning signs. As Ms. Single Mama says, “This is just too weird. Feels like a dream and we’re both in it together.”

And, oh yeah, he actually does things to help me out (not a narcissist – woot!) like spending the afternoon at my house waiting for the cable guy or cooking me dinner after a hard day without me having to ask. And when I talk about my job or my family or other issues, he LISTENS! And gives feedback that makes it clear that he has heard and is actually helpful, not obnoxious and forceful “fixing”.

And, oh yeah, he makes my toes curl. Sexy texts aren’t his thing but he knows I like them. Out of the blue yesterday he sent me a sexy text that just made me swoon. :-) He’s romantic in that the sweet things he does are so unexpected and awesome.

I especially like the way he is with Pumpkinhead. And this, of course, is where I have to be most careful. What I like is the way he will text me out of the blue with a really thoughtful suggestion for something we could all do together and it is always something Pumpkinhead will really love but that we will also enjoy so I can tell he actually wants to do it and isn’t just phoning it in. And even though I kept them apart until about three weeks ago, Pumpkinhead has fallen hard for Mr. V, too. He spent a week at his Dad’s house and would always ask about Mr. V when I called. Then he asked today when we could go over so he could play with Mr. V and his dog. When we arrived, he threw his arms around Mr. V and told him he had missed him (yes, all you worriers, this is where I worry about his long-term well-being but my heart says this guy is wonderful and won’t hurt my child). When we left after dinner, Pumpkinhead leaned forward, grabbed my neck and whispered, “Mommy, you need to marry [Mr. V] because I really like him!” Awww.

To be continued…

June 4th, 2009  Posted at   Dating, MILS, Single Parents, Women in Law
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I’m in bed with a frog, a cat and a kid. Wish I was in bed with another animal but he’s at his house securing his gay roommate to be my bitch this weekend as I move/clean/paint (his words, not mine). :lol: Oh well, I’m also in bed with a laptop so I’m no fun anyway. And in the name of non-whoriness, I have instituted a silent “no more sex unless he initiates it” rule… at least until the next time he initiates, and then it’s back to me acting on my tendency to want to jump on him every time I see him. Hahaha.

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It’s no wonder I’m enamored. He may not woo me with flowers like Ana’s awesome new Mystery Man, but his Acts of Service (thank you, love languages) keep me begging for more. Tomorrow sweet man is going to chill at the house while I’m at work and wait for the gas man to come connect service. Eight-to-Five window? Oh, sure, no problem! :evil: Hopefully the electricity will be on by then! And he’s meeting a guy to get quotes for painting and some house repairs so I don’t have to work my fingers to the bone alone this weekend. Enamored? Hell yeah! :mrgreen:

Oh yes, I did mention Ana’s mystery man. I stopped by her workplace this week to drop off some birthday flowers only to find that Mystery Man had dwarfed my masterpiece with a gorgeous (expensive!) arrangement. Not as awesome as the first bunch she posted pics of on her blog but still pretty darn good. (She liked mine better though – said they were more “her” – woo-hoo, successful birthday wooing. :lol: )

Flowers

Found this Bed in a Bag set on eBay. Hope this is as comfy as it is pretty!

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And now, after being up until 1 a.m. on Wednesday packing and loading the car and getting very little sleep last night even though I stayed with Mr. V (and not for good reasons – boo!), I am off to… work. 10:45 p.m. and I still have a shitload of stuff to do before my boss. UGH. On the plus side, my Dad helped me load the truck again so I’m making moving progress. And I do have a cute kid, a frog and a cat in my bed, so what more could I ask for?

June 2nd, 2009  Posted at   Dating, Family Stuff, Mommy stuff, Single Parents
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I am living in it. Grrr. My mother is driving me crazy. She is refusing to help me bathe Pumpkinhead one minute so I can work on the mountains of stuff I brought home from work and begging for hugs the next. She has apparently also decided that EVERYTHING in her house MUST go. She does not want any of Pumpkinhead’s toys or books here. She says 45 minutes around the beltway is just too far and she will never see him. Umm… okay. She said she won’t drive that far. I told her we’d come see her and she said, “No, I have things to do. You’ll need to call first.” Okay…

In the meantime, my Dad is still looking for work. There’s talk of assignments in exotic Nigeria (4-5 weeks on/4-5 weeks off), South Africa, Spain, etc. We will see… Hard to know with him and his mental illness what is an actual lead and what is him spinning a possibility into an exaggerated reality.

Crazy Roomie has finally moved completely out. But she has not cleaned. And the house is a disaster. She was in there for TEN DAYS. Red soda stains on the carpet. Kitty litter all over the floor in the bathroom and hallway. Her kids’ pee and poo all over the toilet seats and floor in both bathrooms. :evil: Seriously gross. The stained carpet is horrible and will require professional cleaning. Mr. V is also going to hire a service to deep clean the house. Nasty! First he and roomie are doing a walk-through today before she gives him back the keys (and he races to change the locks). We’ll see if she shows even a twinge of shame as she surveys her mess. Ick.

Then there is Big Ass Truck. Bitch (and I don’t use that word lightly) left pink nailpolish all over the front seat and inside the middle console. Then she ripped the leather on the middle console and left the backseat littered with popcorn, french fries, sticky soda, etc. Grrrrr. BITCH!!!! :evil:
Nailpolish
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Pumpkinhead finishes school on Friday and then I need to start moving the rest of my stuff out. Want to paint his room and the kitchen before I get too settled so I have a LOT to tackle this weekend!!

June 2nd, 2009  Posted at   Dating
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Mr. V and I made it past his “two month curse” mark. :lol: This past weekend was relaxed, sweet, fun and amazing. I adore him. Head over heels.


Lyrics | Michael Buble lyrics – Everything lyrics

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