Ana reminds me that your perspective is what you make of it. Right now my perspective is pretty damn shitty.
Cluster headaches have been back since last Sunday with the corresponding nausea, crankiness and general out-of-it nature. I cannot do this again. Last time it was the entire. third. trimester. Praying hard for relief. The doctor nixed my natural remedy because the wintergreen and thyme it contain have methyl salicylate in them and can cause some duct to close. Bummed because that stuff worked! But I don’t need to catastrophize. This does not mean they will last forever. I am going to take control and explore other options. First, I’m going to try a mix of the rest of the oils in the blend I was using that takes those two out and see if that helps. Then I’m going to make an appointment with my neurologist and see about a lidocaine spray up my nose along with prednisone, each of which are apparently safe options during pregnancy. Last time we tried oxygen, drugs, massage and electrical stimulation on my neck with no success. Hoping we can find new options with better results this time.
Work continues to be ridiculous. Two of my colleagues refuse to talk to any of us and one is downright combative. We had a group meeting with HR on Friday where nothing HR-related was discussed (weird…) but when asked two questions my colleague’s response was “It’s been discussed. There is nothing more to say.” Super rude and even the HR lady raised her eyebrows. It’s such a toxic environment. Boss announced that he will be restructuring us in a month and putting junior people as first-line reviewers with no client contact while senior people get to go out and negotiate our redlines. Yeah, cause THAT will be productive! Let’s hand off our contracts/thought patterns to someone who has to figure out what we were thinking…. (we typically work off the customer’s paper so we are constantly redlining conceptually rather than lazily slapping in our language).
Reframing work? Trying to think positive that I will have a new job soon. The interviewer updated and said he will come back with an answer early next week. Word from a reliable source in his team is that I will be getting an offer. Not trusting anything, I also interviewed Friday with an international E&P company. They are offering a JD-preferred position with a salary range of 104-125, a guaranteed 15% annual bonus (not merit-based) and 4-12% in a 401k vested 1/3 each year over three years. Um, yeah, no lack of good options out there! But clearly the internal position is better for a variety of reasons – 26-week belly bump, knowledge of internal politics/players, maternity leave and continued tenure. However, I feel good that there are nontraditional legal positions out there that want someone with my experience, will allow me to use my legal knowledge and are competitive in salary. I have had three external company interviews in the past two weeks and have received inquiries from others. Certainty will make me feel better.
Reframing children? Baby J is in his cranky toddler phase where every evening is a screaming throwdown as he refuses to leave daycare and wants to be carried while I juggle laptop bag, purse, sippy cup, etc. Reminding myself that this phase passes and looking at all the cute things he does. Also preparing myself with apple slices, pretzels, toys, stickers and other bribes to get him out to the car, walking and calm. Heh. Pumpkinhead is stinky, rude and every 5th word is “penis” or “balls”. He is being a real challenge, in part because he is off one of his meds for the summer while he visits his father on and off. Fortunately his father is stepping up and taking him on a real vacation this year. They are going to New York for a few days and Chapin is even picking up Pumpkinhead’s cousin in Baltimore on the way so that he will have an English-speaking buddy. I’m pleased about that and hope they have a blast. I will enjoy the break, particularly next weekend as I prepare for the MPRE the following weekend.
Speaking of school, I am now managing to keep up, thank God. Have done two practice California performance tests and am feeling a bit more confident although, dang, they take a lot longer than the three hours we are given! If I do well, though, it will apparently erase a bad showing on two of the CA bar essays. Thank God for this book. I attended the author’s bar prep seminar when I returned to law school before my first set of 2L finals so that I could reacquaint myself with IRAC. She uses an under-here-therefore scheme and provides some helpful memorization tips. Her bar prep book is really practical but the MPT book takes the cake. Now to just stay on track. MPRE August 17 and another class (virtual law practice) starting in September.
For now, it is off to my mother-in-law’s house for lunch and drama. She is having a full hip replacement in a few weeks and is, of course, fighting it kicking and screaming. Now she’s panicked about division of her assets and wants us to come help catalog her jewelry and decide who gets what. I told her that her daughter should get everything but she’s not having it so this afternoon with my diva SIL and MIL should be a bag of fun. Reframing? My MIL is an awesome cook and has likely made us a lovely lunch. I will enjoy spending time with her and looking at the beautiful antique pieces she has been fortunate enough to accumulate over the years. And then I will come home and NAP!