Weekly MILP Roundup #290
The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the Butterflyfish, Ptlawmom, Attorney Work Product, Attorney at Large, Today & Tomorrow, Magic Cookie, and Reluctant Grownup blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday…(or in my case, a week later and backdated)
Daisy shares her birth story.
Grace has a wild Wednesday!
Cowgirl in the City gets a new platform.
LC finds relief in a good advocate (feel your pain, girl!)
Kate is balancing it all on her shoulders and reflects on her choices.
Proto Attorney is getting crafty.
Butterflyfish is anxious.
Lag Liv gets in touch with her inner cowgirl.
Attorney at Large is enjoying the ups and downs of Pea’s childhood.
Dinei faces difficult clients and the joys of high-risk pregnancy.
CM celebrates male homemakers
But I Do Have a Law Degree celebrates those quaint corners of the country that allow us to get away.
If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like them to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.
Mama Drama
It’s been a rough two weeks. Pumpkinhead has mono, potential reflux/GERD and was diagnosed with early onset puberty requiring hormone treatment. 
There is also a major battle brewing at his school but that will need to be a separate post. Baby J has strep, desperately needs a haircut and is being very TWO! Mr. V has a bad cold and I have been torturing myself over-thinking a school assignment that I have ruminated over for way too long.
In an attempt to reduce my stress load, I have been asking for help. I don’t do that, folks. It is super hard for me. First, I asked Mr. V’s stepmother if she’d be willing to watch Baby J every other weekend for a few hours while he napped and an hour or two after that so I could have a good block for homework. She said she would be happy to and will let me know when she can start. She’s a bit spacey so we’ll see. Then I mentioned that to MIL and my parents and suddenly it was pile-on grandparents. LOL! MIL took the boys last weekend and my parents offered to start taking them to church every Sunday, followed by park/lunch and then home for Baby J’s nap. That is perfect and worked very well yesterday. 
Because sitting is covered, MIL offered to fold my laundry. Ha, sucker! I was very reticent but she insisted. MIL is very much the housekeeper. I should have listened to my gut and said thanks but no thanks but instead I did my regular 16,000 weekend loads and sent Mr. V over with a ton of baskets. Shortly thereafter, I get “the note.” This is fairly typical. Everytime she has an opinion, I get an e-mail passive-aggressively explaining why I am not as good as she is. Mr. V says I take everything personally (true) and that it’s not always an indictment of me (BS). Anyway, this e-mail? Tells me it would be soooo much easier to handle this if the laundry was sorted. Oh and Mr. V’s favorite towel? “Garbage!”, she declares. That tall basket with the broken handle? Tossed out and replaced by one of her smaller white baskets. Okay, thanks I guess.
Ladies, do you sort your laundry? Keep the whites separately? (I eschew white so we’d be waiting a damn long time). Do you wash a basket for each kid, a basket for you, a basket for your husband, a basket for sheets, a basket for towels and a basket for hand-done lingerie? Am I a freak of nature? I really need this help because folding can’t happen when the kids are awake or Baby J decides to “help”. If I do it when they are asleep, somehow it’s like a cattle call to all animals to come walk on or lay between my piles. Can’t win.
Untimely
So the qualitative blood test came back negative last night. My body is playing tricks on me. I must have some kind of virus because I am still super nauseated – even threw up again this AM. 
Mr. V and I are both pretty disappointed. Me even more so because 1) it takes a lot of work to plan a pregnancy – testing for ovulation, etc. and I like to be in control, damn it and 2) If I had gotten pregnant this month, I already would have had a September due date. Every month we don’t get pregnant puts me further into 4L year and closer to the bar exam. I told Mr. V we need to try to get this done by April at the latest. Can’t see taking 6 weeks off for maternity leave followed on its heels by time off to prepare for the bar. As it is, my boss thinks I should be able to work and prep for the bar. No freaking way.
We also realized last night that the last time we got pregnant (a total Oops!), Mr. V was not yet on testosterone shots. After I got pregnant, because he was having really low energy, his doctor tested him for low T, which is apparently very common in men past 40. She put him on shots every two weeks. We had forgotten that little aside that the shots can cause lowered (or zero) sperm count. So Mr. V’s going to toddle off and see about that. Hopefully it can be reversed quickly. We both want a third child but I have no intention of getting pregnant in my late 30s and, if it doesn’t happen soon, it is definitely waiting until after the bar. I can only do so much.
When life give you lemons…
… suck ‘em.
Turned 34. Have a position that lets me work realistic hours and provides excellent onsite daycare for Baby J. Have a great boss and a flexible schedule. About to hit my 5-year mark with the company (which means an extra week of vacation AND 80% STD). Am always behind but thankfully doing well enough in law school (knock on wood).
Husband (and, oddly, boss) are both encouraging me to get pregnant. Husband wants a girl and I am opposed to pregnancy but not necessarily to a third. Thinking it through, if we wait until I am done with school and the bar, I will be 36 and, post-bar, ready to start ramping back up career-wise. So it looks like it’s now or never.
Thought I might be pregnant last month after achy boobs, general grumpiness and tight pants. Nope, just fat and PMS-ing and period came 10 days late. This month, however, I was due on the 14th and still nothing… except all-day nausea since Sunday, exhaustion and, again, sore boobs. Sucking on lemons and lemon water, peppermint tea and diet ginger ale to make the nausea stop. No positive HPT so it could just be pychosomatic.
Regardless, I guess we are doing this thing. If not now, soon. Bracing myself and praying it all works out (including the daily blood-thinner shots in my belly and no insane health issues like last time). Also praying my mother does not have a heart attack over this.
[Sunday update: went to doctors yesterday and I have a bladder infection. Still no positive HPT or period and I am nauseated all day/throwing up at least once a day (like right now), among other symptoms. Plus the WebMD Ovulation Calculator, which asks for a full three months of period dates, says my period was really due last Friday, not the Saturday before.... They took a blood test to see what's going on. Never been this sick this early. If I'm not pregnant, my body is really screwing with me. If I am, it had better not be twins or a sign of a very hormonal little girl. Geez! Will hear tomorrow and will let y'all know.]
Families are like assholes
…full of shit.
<Drafted this post over New Year’s just getting around to proofread/post now>
As I have mentioned before, my parents have returned from three years overseas. They have a special bond with my born-again Christian, unemployed, criminal-record, former-druggie brother. When I turned 18, they bought me a computer and co-signed a loan for me to pay back to pay for it. No help with college or life from thereon out. My brother’s college was paid for plus car loans plus overlooking the $10k he embezzled from them during my mother’s recovery from a massive heart attack. But, hey, he is born again, folks!
Anyhoo. Parents are back and they want us to kumbaya and have “family time”. So they pay for unemployed brother and his wife, daughter and son to fly several thousand miles to spend a week at a beach house with us. They pay for their rental car, their food, etc., all in the name of “bonding.” We come late because Baby J is spewing out both ends. Pumpkinhead got picked up when the spewing started because God forbid he miss time with his cousin (both my nephew and niece are 9 months younger than each of my kids because, you know, my brother has to knock someone up every time I give birth). [Disclaimer: I DO love my niece and nephew, and even my SIL. Am just brother-bitter.]
We arrive and find that my brother has given Pumpkinhead a bible for Christmas (the only present from him) along with words of encouragement about his spirituality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a happy-go-lucky Episcopalian but my brother is psycho nuts. Brother is quizzing him on our [non] church-going habits and asking him to quote scripture. The kid even stopped dinner and asked for us to say grace tonight. 
Christianity aside, the worse discovery was that my brother is now a football freak. He was watching football when we arrived and interrupted dinner because “I gave up this game to be here with ‘you people’”. So hard done by….
However, the biggest issue is that, despite my parents’ protests, my brother has the heat up to 76. In a gulf state where the low is in the high 30s/early 40s. Parents of course gave their golden child the master bedroom, king bed, walk-in shower and spa tub. While the rest of us are sweating our asses off, tossing and turning, brother and his wife are happy as clams and even in freaking sweats. So the next day I have a talk with brother and ask if we can compromise on a slightly cooler solution. His response? “We will turn it as high as we want to ensure our child is comfortable.” Okay, so your daughter, in bed with you and your wife, will be warm enough (cause 69 is freezing!) but your son, my son, my toddler, my husband, my mother, my father and I will all be dying from heatstroke? Not selfish AT ALL….
Mr. V and I were both ready to kill him when my mother asked us to just close our vents, ignore the football and be kind. That’s when we said we were leaving. She begged us to stay and, so far, we are doing so. If you are my FB friend, you are seeing kind, sweet pics of the family. That said, except for Christmas Eve with my mom’s cousins and other extended family, this is as much as I want to do anytime soon. My mother is acting a martyr, my bipolar father is being a total self-centered asshole to anyone he meets, be it a waiter or his own daughter, brother’s wife complains about me but won’t talk to me and brother is an asshole (even self-centered Dad agrees).
Took a vacation day on the second to help my mother clean. Cannot WAIT to leave this hellhole and my family and get back to my core family and some reality.
Anyone else feeling the family drama?
Mother of… Pearl
My mother-in-law has this uncanny knack for showing up in the middle of Baby J’s nap AND in the middle of my studying and pissing me off. She either wants to talk about something inflammatory, flares her nose at my dirty kitchen or sits down for a glass of wine, oblivious to my obvious in-progress studying. Frustrating! Today it was “where’s my dish I lent you.” First, this is exactly why I don’t want to borrow anything from her. Second, she’s lost her mind – I guarded that stuff so closely and hand-washed every piece. She didn’t believe us when we said that and decided to come over and personally inspect our kitchen and the boxes of Spode platters we own to be sure hers was not inside. 
Woo-sah. Trying to get back into my essay mode.
Weekly MILP Roundup #283
The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the Butterflyfish, Ptlawmom, Attorney Work Product, Attorney at Large, Today & Tomorrow, Magic Cookie, and Reluctant Grownup blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday…
…unless it’s my week (in my defense, I’m just freaking Tired).
Grace’s Lis gets a clean bill of health. Definitely a Christmas blessing!
RG tries to escape the bad news
Alice makes you want to cross your legs and have those ovaries crawl up into hidden corners. And then reminds you why it’s not all bad.
LC enjoys welcome surprises and freedom!
CM gives us snapshot of two siblings and their awesomeness
Cowgirl in the City survived finals and is ready for family time.
Dinei discuss how to (and how not to) approach people when personal traumas occur
Lag Liv celebrates meetups, Christmas cards and other highlights
AAL answers those apparently-burning questions
But I Do Have a Law Degree is back from a break
Izzie is having a hard time rallying Christmas spirit
CP has social event success
Daisy is celebrating cherished childhood traditions
Psuedostoops is in a giving mood
If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like them to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.
Tired
It’s 3:16 a.m. and I can’t sleep. My cold has turned into a sinus infection and I am stressed. My clients are demanding and hyper-critical. Bending over backwards and pushing other work aside to meet one particularly demanding customer’s deadlines just leads to more criticism of “not doing enough.” (Ironic, yes?)
Not doing enough seems to be the story of my life right now. If I didn’t have the weekly housecleaner coming in, I’m fairly certain I would lose my mind. I feel like I’m riding a wild wave in life right now – no control, just having to go with it and hope that 90% (or less) is enough to give to work, to school, to marriage, to parenting (that last one sucks – I feel like I’m very much letting down Pumpkinhead these days in lack of time).
I’m also frustrated by husband right now. While he is so considerate, cleaning the kitchen and picking up dinner for me (without my asking) because he knows I am sick, sometimes he also seems to forget that he’s not single any longer. This may be part and parcel of marrying for the first time at 40 but it makes me feel disregarded. The current example makes me feel like a total shrew for even being upset about it. Husband decided to adopt a family for Christmas. And when he adopts, he ADOPTS. He’s done this before but this year it kind of grated on me. Because he owns his own business, his income is up and down. Just a few weeks ago, money was tight. Suddenly he gets a good amount in and it’s like “spend, spend!” Not “consult with wife on how we want to use the money.” I want to have money in savings. Nothing freaks me out more than being so tight we have to pray that no crisis hits. He knows this. And yet he seems to see “his” money as being under his discretion while “my” money is never up for discussion – always goes to the bills. I am happy to adopt this family and give these kids a good Christmas but he hasn’t involved me (or our kids) at all, is having his sister wrap the gifts because he thinks my wrapping skills suck and hasn’t talked to me at all about budget. I feel disregarded and dismayed. Not to mention that I have several bills in my purse that I would like to pay but he’s off riding the wild happy wave of Christmas joy.
Also, as usual, I made my Christmas list to fulfill his family’s need for one (I hate lists). I tend to not want a lot. This year, I decided that I really wanted a nice, professional purse. I am not usually *that* girl. But this year I’ve been loving my coworker’s beautiful orange Tory Burch and my boss’s buttery leather bag. I decided I’d really like one. I’m almost tempted to go buy myself one. I mentioned this and put it on the list but then when it came up the other day, husband was like “huh?!?” and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t faking it. Sigh.. The reality is that I won’t buy one for myself. I always put the kids and his purchases ahead of mine. And it’s not really a “need”. But it is disappointing and, again, I feel frustrated about it but don’t speak of it or raise my needs which, again, is not good. I am just so overwhelmed with everything that it’s like I can’t even articulate my needs.
And my parents. Sigh, my parents. That’s a post in itself. Suffice it to say that my mother “expects more from me” which translates to “do it my way or I will take it personally and resent you.” Huge, HUGE, fight over Christmas plans as we try to juggle the needs of three sets of grandparents and mine feel that they should get priority because they’ve been out of the country for three years (never mind that one other set just moved to our town at Easter and this is also their first year here). Mom and my husband don’t get along. Dad dislikes husband’s mother. Can’t win for trying and the drama level is through the freaking roof.
This is all 3am babble. The blog is another disappointing area of total FAIL. But I can do what I can do, right? Sigh…
Confessions
I often write blog posts in my head while I’m in the shower. As you can tell from the state of my blog, that’s usually as far as they get. The minute I step out of my room (and sometimes before), I am besieged by toddler calling “Mommy, where aweeee you?!?” through the monitor and 9 year-old tigger bouncing around begging for food. This morning was particularly special as he says “I really want a grilled cheese for breakfast” and when I said, bleary-eyed and waiting for teapot to boil, “we will see”, he threw a fit and said he’d gotten up early “*just so I could make one for him*.” Well isn’t that special? One fucking grilled cheese later and I’m trying to blog in the bathroom, door closed, while keeping one eye on the toddler who is milk-drunk and drinking bubbles.
Confessions
1) Just got off our long-overdue honeymoon cruise. It was phenomenal, mostly because there were no kids and no devices and just time together. And trying lots of new things. Hehe.
2) Mr. V is pressing hard for a #3. And a new house. And a new engine for his car. And for me to draft contracts for his business and, um no, his customer’s business. You know, in my spare time?
3) Except for the whole pregnancy-sucks-and-almost-kills-me part (and, you know, NO time), I’m not completely opposed. Because my babies are wicked cute when they aren’t driving me nuts.
4) Leaving for international business trip Friday night. Two continents. 6 days of work in what should be a 3-day week. Getting back following Sunday. My boss is pissed. The travel/purpose is due to a direct request from her boss, the general counsel. So, yeah, going. And hoping ultimate payoff is worth the sacrifice.
5) Mr. V will be home with the kids. The Halloween decorations he hung remain in the yard because he “has no time” and “cannot multitask.” In fact, he was going to do a car show while I was gone and leave the kids with ??? Hahahahahaha.
6) I am completely out of foundation, not packed, lightbulbs have been burned out in living room and in my (pitch-black) bathroom for two weeks and my kitchen is filled with dishes. Must find time for Clinique run but pretty sure I will return home (from business trip…) to status quo on lights and dishes I have full-day meetings all week bookended by dinners Monday and Thursday and, yeah, have to be driving to the airport at 3p on Friday. Looks like a Thursday all-nighter.
7) School. Kicking my ass a bit harder than last year (thank you, Evidence, you bitch) and the first half of my year-long curriculum seems to be exceptionally front-loaded. Special. Unlike my other colleagues who were law clerks during school and worked part-time (and were either men or unmarried young women), I work full-time doing the same job as the attorneys next to me and still have to find time for school. I am doing NOTHING more than 80% well in school, work or life these days. 
8) I drink one bottle of wine every night. I’m packing on weight. My head is pounding by the time I get home… probably because I want wine. There is probably a lot to be said about this but for now that’s all I’ve got.
9) My mother-in-law moved to town. She’s a great help when Baby J needs a sitter. Throw in Pumpkinhead and she’s losing her mind. Oh yeah, and she’s a drama queen diva.
10) My parents just moved back to town. See #9. Multiply it. FML.
11) Mr. V’s Dad and stepmother moved to town. See 9 & 10. Neither of them are divas or drama queens BUT put them in a room with 9 & 10 and it’s *special*. That happens a lot….
12) I am meeting up with more racist, sexist, mysoginistic assholes in this new role than ever before. Yay oilfield. Geebus. My tongue has permanent indentations.
13) Yay Obama! Yay female elected reps! Yay marriage equality. Ending on a positive note. 
This concludes my regularly scheduled bi-annual blog post of random nonsense. It’s 7 a.m. Not drunk, just rambling.
Weekly MILP Roundup #276
**Drafted this last Monday night when we got home from cruise and thought it published but apparently not. Either WordPress sucks or I do. Probably the latter. Meeting myself coming and going, folks. And pretty sure I was drunk.**
The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the Butterflyfish, Ptlawmom, Attorney Work Product, Attorney at Large, Today & Tomorrow, Magic Cookie, and Reluctant Grownup blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday.
AAL discusses 10 of the things she wishes she’d known about clients before starting to practice
Kate is pass happy in school
LEO struggles with the splitting of parental duties in the face of crazy careers
Lag Liv shares pics of her beautiful, fearless kids
RG has a little rascal on her hands
Grace finds that coffee just won’t cut it
Googie Baba shares some sentiments
Cristy is crazy busy and happy
Magic Cookie adores Real Simple and tells us why
Full of the Dickens learns what POTUS means and waxes poetic about issues.
If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like them to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.
