PT-LawMom

I have come down with a nasty cold this weekend. There’s a $265 speeding ticket in my purse that I got last week on my way back home after 72 hours straight at the ICU with a family member. I was supposed to meet with Pumpkinhead’s teacher for parent/teacher conference today but, bad Mommy that I am, I canceled and we spent the morning instead cuddling on the couch watching “Hercules.” This afternoon Chapin and I have to drive an hour across town to meet with his immigration attorney who, four months after filing his $4,600 five-page appeal brief (for denial of citizenship), has yet to give us a copy of that brief or proof of filing. I’m soooooo not up for it and I’ve told him he MUST talk because he is the client and she is his attorney. I will not do this for him anymore.

School, only in session one week, is already in high gear. We have group projects in both classes and I’ve already been dragged into groups (thank goodness because otherwise I probably would have found myself in serious trouble down the road). But they want to meet right away (like this week after class!) and I just cannot get motivated in the least. I was also supposed to meet with my co-representative for a school organization today but she didn’t get in touch so I’m going to let that slide. I’m going to try to have a low-key week and do only as much as I need to do to get through it. It’s frustrating because I had so hoped to start this semester off with a bang and instead it’s been one thing after another after another. I wanted to spend this weekend getting a lot done and recovering from last week’s events and instead I’ve gone through a half gallon of chicken noodle soup and two boxes of tissues.

This week I should hear back from the school’s accommodations committee regarding my neurologists’ requests that I not be grilled orally in class (my brain just can’t process quickly enough to get the answers to my mouth), that I be allowed to use a laptop in one (already know the answer is no for one professor, but I can use a tape recorder) and other helpful things. I should also be meeting with my supervisor about her meeting with my boss. He was extra nice after she met with him so maybe whatever she said got through. I don’t know. One of my coworker suggested floating but I was hired because of some specific technical skills that the desk requires so I’m not certain they would let me go that easily. I’ll just keep praying that a paralegal position opens up soon.

I was hit with a major, earth-tilting crisis with a family member this week that brought me to my knees and almost broke me. When I was literally at the point when I did not think I could take another stressful issue piled on top of work, school, Pumpkinhead, Chapin, and my crappy health, life dealt my family a major blow we could not have imagined. It made me put everything immediately on hold, including canceling a contract cite-checking project with almost no notice other than a hastily typed e-mail, 72 hours away from Pumpkinhead (hasn’t happened since he was born), missing the first few days of the semester, and taking a few days off work without even checking e-mail or calling in once. When I did call Pumpkinhead, he mercifully didn’t even seem to realize that I wasn’t at home because he was having too much fun playing with his Daddy or with my cousins. Work didn’t have as oblivious of a reaction….

Fortunately the crisis has passed (I hope) and things are looking up. My tears aren’t as close to the surface as they have been the past few days and the knots in my shoulders are starting to untwist. At the tail end of the 72 hours, I did still have to undergo the torturous three-hole skin biopsy I had scheduled (”Mother F&^&er!!!!”) and am off for some very nasty multiple-hour procedures tomorrow morning). However, my perspective has changed a lot in the past week, or maybe my tolerance level has just decreased. I’m not sure what it is but I think I’m going to start saying no a bit more to the things I don’t want to do and the people I don’t wish to deal with so that I can reduce my stress level. I started this week by meeting with the Dean to ask for accommodations at school while I’m dealing with the pain during this diagnosis phase. Amazingly enough, it looks like they’ll be able to do a lot for me. More on that later when my brain is up to higher-level thinking.

Thanks to Butterflyfish who has stepped up to take care of the roundup for me this week. You’re the best, lady.

I’ve been in a lot of pain over the past week, getting worse every day to the point where it hurts to drive or feel sheets/clothes rubbing against my skin. I seem to be on a cycle of medication working for 4 weeks and then stopping suddenly. They last increased my medication dosage in early December and it started wearing off last Tuesday. I took some painkillers last night so I could sleep and am still on some today.

Fortunately my visit with the Head of Neurology today went well. He took me seriously and was very friendly and knowledgeable. He is sending me to another local neurologist who is apparently world famous and deals only with neuropathies. They made me an appointment for next Monday morning for a nerve biopsy to see where and how bad the small fiber damage is. I’ll have to take the day off after the biopsy, but hopefully it will yield enough results that I won’t end up using all my sick leave again this year! This man uses a variety of innovative treatments, including more natural/homeopathic remedies along with more traditional medications. That makes me happy and I just hope he’s as good as he sounds.

Today’s neurologist also suggested that some of this may be restless limb syndrome (it’s not just in your legs) because of my severe anemia. He took me off the Neurontin and has switched me to Topamax (more fun side effects to come). The good thing is that whereas the Neurontin can cause some weight gain, the Topamax is well-known for weight loss. Won’t complain about that! Hopefully the side effects won’t be too hard to handle. I’m starting off slow and ramping up. At least I don’t have to start classes until next week.

Obviously I should have listened to those of you who suggested talking to the dean before exams. Today I asked the neurologist to give me a note. I spoke with the dean and then faxed the neurologist the name, address and info needed so that I can get some accommodation to help me this semester. I’m not sure what that will entail, but at least they will know I’m having some difficulty. The dean said that they can offer me a slower-paced program, but I’m not sure how much slower I could go (I only take two classes a semester!) so we’ll just see what happens. Once the doctor sends the note to the campus disability department and they vet it, the dean and I will sit down and talk about options.

DISCLAIMER: One of the things I am struggling with right now is illness. If you have subscribed to my blog and are reading this private post, please do so knowing it has nothing to do with law school and is part of my personal journal. Thank you.

Came home yesterday to a call from LabCorp. That’s never a good call. Returned the call this morning and was told that they exposed my blood to light accidentally (yep, vampire here) and needed to re-draw the blood. Of course the affected test was the Thiamin level (i.e., the only one where I really need a result!) Sigh…

So I raced over to the doctor’s office before work because they said they could get me “right in”. Of course, that meant a half-hour wait. Then she popped the vein in my left arm. I have a huge lump and lots of nice bruising. The right arm was only a little bit better. She kept pulling it out and pushing it back in and I swear I was just about to kick her when, hooray, she stopped. Unfortunately she’s the only one there. I did try to get on her good, blood-protecting side by explaining why I need these results so badly. I am hopeful that she won’t screw this up again. I want my results, damn it!

DISCLAIMER: One of the things I am struggling with right now is illness. If you have subscribed to my blog and are reading this private post, please do so knowing it has nothing to do with law school and is part of my personal journal. Thank you.

ISO Gastric Bypass Patients with Neuropathy and/or Vitamin Deficiencies
Excuse the interruption, regular readers. My primary care physician tells me that as many neurologist names as she gives me, the best thing I can do is find other patients suffering from this and see if they can recommend a good neurologist or endocrinologist. Even if you’re in another state, perhaps I can call those doctors and see if they know someone in my area. So, in the hopes that the lovely web crawlers that index sites will help others find me, I’m throwing this out there. If you or someone you know has had a Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass and is now suffering from severe malnutrition or, even better, neuropathy, please email me at PTLawMom at gmail dot com. Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: One of the things I am struggling with right now is illness. If you have subscribed to my blog and are reading this private post, please do so knowing it has nothing to do with law school and is part of my personal journal. Thank you.

The side effects are getting somewhat better, but not as much as I’d hoped. I was working on a PowerPoint for work today doing fly-ins and fly-outs and other transitional effects and I totally puked. Sigh… It’s a really bad sign when even flying text makes you dizzy! Another wave always hits me around 4 p.m. and I can barely get to my car without feeling like I’m going to pass out. Then I was sitting in class tonight with tingling feet/toes and sharp pain shooting down the backs of my legs into my calves. It’s been 7 days and I’m hopeful that by this time next week I’ll have a much better report. In the meantime it’s much easier to journal my symptoms here so I can refer back later as needed from wherever I am. I took the Cymbalta Saturday night and have forgotten to take it since then. That may be why my pain has increased. Hopefully the Neurontin will take over soon.

I need to call my PCP to see if the blood test results have come back. I also need to call the main appointments line and see if I can get in to see one of the other neurologists she recommended in December or January. Hopefully the Neurontin will take effect soon and I won’t have to increase. I’m on 900mg/day right now and apparently it can go as high as 4800mg/day! I’ve been having some wicked headaches (and, as I mentioned, the dizziness/nausea), so I’d rather not increase if it means more of that. I have to finish this Powerpoint tomorrow and review the transitions with my boss so he’ll be ready for his presentation. Hopefully I won’t embarrass myself (I’ll make sure to keep a garbage can close).

For as tired as I am, it’s almost midnight and I’m still up. I’ve been cleaning because the cleaning lady comes tomorrow. Crazy yes?

I think I’m feeling better today (she says hopefully). Last night after my marathon nap, I got a lot done on my outline. Now I’m sitting in bed (legs hurt in a chair) with my laptop on a Levenger bed tray reading for class and continuing work on my outline. I’m a bit tired, but the mental fog seems to have lifted! Hopefully this means the meds are starting to sink in, although even though the side effects are easing, the pain is not - boo. Doctor said it could take a few weeks.

Pumpkinhead is so freakin’ cute it kills me!! He loves the “If you give a ___ a ____” books and some friends of my parents got him the animals to go with the books. His favorite “trick” is to bring the mouse up to me with its body tucked under his shirt and only the cookie sticking out. I say “Yummy, a cookie!” Then when I discover that it’s attached to a mouse, I scream and go “Ewwww yuck!” and he races away giggling hysterically. He’ll do this at least 10 times in a row. Cracks him up and I get more and more dramatic every time. Yep, we’re so weird. I just told him he has GOT to go downstairs because I really need to get cracking on my studying (she says as she blogs about it).

I have my Nectar smoothie in hand (just water, ice and a scoop of Caribbean Nectar powder), a banana and a 2% cheese stick. Not as fun as chocolate, but less sleep- and cellulite-inducing. Besides, I have an Oh Yeah protein bar for later if I need a chocolate fix. The chocolate/caramel ones are delish!

Work — Well, I finished my cover letter, resume updates and edits to my writing sample. I have copies of two excellent letters of recommendation and I’m praying that I can win over the paralegal manager tomorrow. Then my only hurdle is hoping that the attorneys like me (I’m worried the whole law school thing might freak them out — the potential for someone to be unavailable is always worse than the reality) and that they won’t be scared to “steal me” from my boss. So we’ll see how that goes.

Health — I don’t even want to say it, but the pain is coming back. After six weeks of blissful highs on the Cymbalta, the past week has had my legs and feet tingling and burning pretty much constantly. I’m really bummed, but my research suggests that this is somewhat common and that they may just have to raise the dose. I don’t want to take pain meds and I do want the peripheral neuropathy to go away, but they say they can’t cure it and if the only remedy is to be on ever-increasing doses of Cymbalta (the anti-Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow medication), I’m not sure if that’s a great future. Chapin says he can be patient. I’m worried that I’ll end up on a bazillion mgs of Cymbalta combined with another bazillion of whatever they can give you to put the Bow-Chicka back in your Bow-Wow (assuming there is such a thing for women…). What ticks me off most of all is that I called the neurologist first thing Friday morning and again at 4 p.m. to give my cell in case she called after 5 and I got NO CALL BACK! I can see how seriously she is taking this. Meanwhile I’m wigging out a bit at the fact that I can’t feel my toes and that I keep tripping on things. At least I’m not in as much pain as I was a few months ago, but the electric zaps from my knees down are weird, weird, weird!

Law School — I printed out all of my notes from each class today in an attempt to get my outlines into shape and to have a sense of what areas I need to read more about. My boss is out several days this week so hopefully I’ll get to actually take my lunch hours and use them to work on my outlines and extra reading.

Pumpkinhead — We went to see the Bee Movie yesterday. It was okay, but I didn’t think it was as funny as everyone said it would be. Then again, I don’t have the greatest sense of humor so don’t go by me. Then we got this need Golden Storybooks coloring book. It lets Pumpkinhead color the pages and then we read the book together. I helped him color some roosters and other farm animals and it was a lot of fun. Today he helped Chapin wash the Big Ass Truck while I worked on my packet for the paralegal job. Now it’s dark out and I really need to get working on my reading for this week! Pumpkinhead is laying on my bed drinking a raspberry/banana/yogurt smoothie (please don’t spill!!!) and watching Tom & Jerry.

Hope everyone has a great week and that the new month brings only good things for all of us!

It was a good week. Feeling on top of my game now.

1) Health — Feeling really good. Actually did some exercise yesterday, which is definitely needed after a few months of feeling horrible and gaining some. Pumpkinhead and I did the Race for the Cure and then I did some weightlifting in the afternoon. Saw the neurologist on Thursday. She said that she would have either put me on Cymbalta or another drug that makes you a bit more sleepy, so I’m glad we went with Cymbalta. She upped my injection cycles, but didn’t have any other medications to put me on to stop further damage. Just said not to cross my legs or put the back of my knees against chairs because a lot of the damage is to the nerves in my legs and pressing that nerve under the knee causes more problems. Weird!

2) Pumpkinhead — we had a blast at the race yesterday. He got several medals and got to try a new Yoplait yogurt tube that fizzes on your tongue. Then we met up with my mother for lunch. In the afternoon, we had a parent/teacher conference that Chapin actually got home in time to attend. Pumpkinhead’s teacher said he’s wicked smart, loves to write and read (duh!) and just needs to work on coloring inside the lines. As someone who is completely artistically impaired, I’m not certain he’ll ever master that since I didn’t. Can’t even draw a straight line freehand! And don’t get me started on math…

3) Chapin — This morning we made breakfast and lay on the couch watching Wild Hogs. It was really funny! Now I’m upstairs in my office getting ready to study for a few hours and Chapin’s on Pumpkinhead duty. My work gave us free concert tickets for tonight at 8 p.m. and we’re taking Pumpkinhead with us (crazy!), so I told Chapin to try to get him to nap this afternoon. Fortunately my firm has a box suite at the arena with a couch, so Pumpkinhead can lay down if necessary. The suite also has a desk with a laptop, so I can always bring DVDs for him to watch and paper/colored pencils for him to draw. My Mom hasn’t been feeling great lately so I don’t want to ask her to watch him and my cousin, who watches Pumpkinhead Mondays and Wednesdays, has a soccer tournament today so she’s not really up for it. It’ll be a late night but, hey, this particular concert costs $55 minimum for each ticket and we get to go relax in a comfy suite. Free is free!

4) Law School — Apparently my professors took me seriously when I said I was feeling better and that they could start calling on me again (I didn’t say anything at first, but when the docs upped me from Darvocet to Vicodin, I was really worried they’d call on me and I’d look like a fool so I went to the dean with a doctors note and was told to tell the professors directly. Can’t tell you how embarrassing that was!) Anyway, they both called on me this week. Fortunately I had done my reading and knew what I was talking about. I did say one thing that got the class laughing and I couldn’t figure out why until, later, I realized it was a cultural thing. I was saying that people don’t typically do something, unaware that people do it A LOT where I currently live. So sheltered! Sorry that’s a bit vague, but more specifics would ruin the whole semi-anonymous thing. Suffice it to say, I looked like a bit of a dipstick to those who’ve lived here their whole lives. Sigh…

5) Background checks — In my state, as I mentioned before, you have to notify the state of your intention to take the bar in a few years so that they can start checking your background. When I moved to my current state, I took a job with a local firm working for a senior partner and two associates. For a variety of reasons, it was a really bad fit and I left the job after three months to go to another firm in town, where I’ve been for almost two years now. The firm administrator at the old place was pretty upset with the firm administrator at the new place for what I think she saw as poaching me, although I did tell her that the fit wasn’t good. What I didn’t realize was that the same day I quit, they fired another secretary in a practice area where I would have been a perfect fit. Still, I think that everything happens for a reason and I’m very happy in my current job. ANYWAY, the firm administrator from the old job called the firm administrator from the new job last week with kind of a “WTH? Is [PT-LawMom] a lawyer now?” Apparently the bar moves fast to send those background check forms out. What I didn’t realize was that, although I’d talked to my partners and my direct supervisor, somehow the firm administrator (who hired me and has been very kind to me) did not know I was in law school. As you can imagine, that made for an interesting conversation. I think she’s okay with it, but I felt bad that she was kind of blindsided that way. And compensation reviews are upcoming so I hope the fact that I might leave the firm in a few years won’t negatively impact my financial future with them now.

Chapin keeps coming up and trying to shut my laptop, “Study woman!” Guess I need to listen.

Remember last Tuesday when I was drained and feeling crappy? Well I decided to take the bull by the horns and go see my internal medicine doctor instead of waiting until October to see the neurologist. I had done some research and found out that the most commonly prescribed medication to treat the pain of peripheral neuropathy is Cymbalta. It’s an anti-depressant, but apparently the way it acts on your brain makes your nerves feel better. So I discussed it with my doctor and she agreed that it made sense to try it for the few weeks between last Tuesday and my October appt. As recently as this Sunday, I was still in a ton of pain and worried that it wasn’t going to work for me but I woke up yesterday feeling so much better and didn’t have to take any pain pills (well, I did take Tylenol once in the morning)! I felt better than I have in probably three months! I decided I’d wait until today to see how I feel and, so far, I am cautiously optimistic. With any luck the pain relief will continue so that I can toss the Vicodin and, when I finally do see the neurologist, the only issue remaining is how to stop the processes that are causing the nerve damage. Hopefully the remedy for that won’t be too difficult or time-consuming. Last summer I had to do weekly IV iron treatments at the cancer center and that was a real pain in the tushie in terms of time off work.

My positive energy must be spreading because Pumpkinhead decided that 4 a.m. was a good time to bounce out of bed this morning. I tried to convince him that the better plan would be to return to bed, but he wasn’t having it. So now he’s sitting next to me playing with my hair and watching Blues Clues (thank you Noggin on Demand!) I’m going to log off and get some reading done. Yippee for a clear head and hands that can type!!!