PT-LawMom

Our Christmas was great. We played and played and played! We shopped until we dropped, crowds be damned. We drank hot cocoa by the tree and enjoyed all SIX of the board games Pumpkinhead received. Unlike Butterflyfish’s well-mannered son, mine lost every game and threw a wicked tantrum each time. I know this is a learning process he needs to go through, but I definitely agree with B-fish — as much as a Mommy is supposed to enjoy playing games with her child, I really don’t. Books are much more my thing and fortunately he’s into book variety (i.e., he asks for a different one each night so nothing gets too old).

Speaking of books, I purchased Pumpkinhead a bunch of Magic School Bus books for Christmas and he loves them! If you’re not familiar with the Magic School Bus, it’s a really fun PBS series about a cool teacher, Ms. Frizzle, who takes her class on field trips to places like inside the human body or into the world of a frog. When I was about 15, I babysat for an autistic child who was hooked on it and I was pleased to see that the series is still around on DVD and in books (not sure about TV).

Besides the board games and books, Pumpkinhead received a bike and the LeapFrog Clickstart My First Computer. He’s loving the bike nd I was very pleased at the ease of use of the Leapfrog toy. We’ve only played the Nemo game so far, but I think it will be a fun activity for us to do together.

Anyhoo, this week has been kind of sucky work-wise and I spent THREE HOURS at the damn doctor’s office today because she was “running late” but somehow they thought putting me in a room would make me not notice). Fortunately tomorrow is my birthday so my boss is not allowed to yell at me (at least I hope not!) and then I leave first thing Saturday for a week’s vacation in a hot, sunny, beautiful foreign country with my parents, Chapin and Pumpkinhead. I haven’t packed a thing because I’ve been so busy so right now I’m planning to fly by the seat of my pants tomorrow night and thank my lucky stars that WalMart is open 24/7. Just writing this reminds me that I don’t have any sunglasses! Argh.

I’m going in early to work tomorrow, planning to stay late, and hopefully that will help me accomplish what I need to get done work-wise so that I can leave without feeling bad. It’s hard to get into the vacation spirit when people make you feel guilty for taking the time. I bet the guilt will lift when I step onto the plane.

My vacation spot is Internet-free so I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Now that I’ve made my “Nice Girl” list, I need to add one more. Ugh. Yesterday I had to spend a few hours with some people from work. I totally talked. And talked. And TALKED. Why do I feel this need to fill in awkward silence? Why do I have to share so much? I am definitely have a post-social-event hangover today (regret, not liquor). This is why I’d rather stay home with my books. I do okay when I’m in a group of my peers, but I get all weird when I’m around the “popular crowd.”

Anyone else do this? I raise it because I bet if you do, it will be a stumbling block as an attorney. I don’t know about you, but I do fine when I’m at a group event speaking about what I do or what I know. It’s when I have to talk about social stuff that I fall flat on my face. How do you combat this? How do you mentally kick the little girk (girl/dork) inside who feels the need to babble when she feels uncomfortable?

Got home late from our road trip to DC. Someone hit the brand new Big Ass Truck in the parking lot where we were staying and dealing with that delayed us (yep, hit and run so we’re stuck paying the deductible for the extensive damage ). I am almost done with “Nice Girls”, but will have to delay discussion until tomorrow night at the earliest if that’s all right with all of you.

As for the Roundup, it’s after midnight now but I’m hoping that I can drag my rear out of bed early tomorrow to get to it. The problem is that I’ve been without Internet since Wednesday (except a short stint at a friend’s house) so whereas I’m usually on top of my Bloglines reading, I haven’t yet read any of the MILS entries this week. Bear with me if I don’t get to it until my lunch hour.

Other than the car damage, rain and the 24 hours it took each way to drive there, the trip was great. I really enjoyed seeing my SIL and BIL and meeting my newest nephew (10 months and walking already!) Pumpkinhead had a blast, especially running around with his cousins and then spending Friday with his Godmother and me. I also dragged my SIL out of bed at 4:30 a.m. on Friday so we could hit the mall (across the street) for a few hours before our kids woke up. We made it back by 7:30 a.m. laden with packages. Then I shopped more with my friend and Pumpkinhead, but I’m glad I made it out in the morning because it’s rare for me to be able to shop alone. Oh, I also managed to get online at my friend’s house to purchase my Blend Creations necklace (yay!) and to take advantage of Lancome’s 20% off Black Friday sale (when does makeup ever go on sale? Double yay!)

When we made it home tonight, I spent over an hour unpacking and putting things away and then spent the past two hours working on the outline I swore to my study partner I’d be ready to exchange with her today (she did one class; I did the other and now we’re switching and filling in each others’ gaps). I’ve never been a carsick kind of gal but apparently the dizziness I get from the Neurontin also makes it hard for me to read or use a laptop while the car is moving. I also had this issue the other day with a PowerPoint presentation for my boss. It appears that my peripheral vision can’t handle fast-moving images like flying text or moving vehicles. So much for my normal book-devouring road trips! I pretty much slept when I wasn’t driving.

Random enough blog post for everyone? It’s now 12:40 a.m. and I am hitting the hay!

It is 3:30 and I am just now grabbing a bite to eat. Thank God I had a protein shake on the way out the door this morning. All five of my assignments at work gave me serious, substantive stuff to do today (the gall!) so I’ve been flat-out all day. The only reason I’m taking a bloggy break now is that I will be without Internet connection for most of the weekend and I may go through withdrawal!

Fortunately, I have my casebooks and notes and I also have my copy of “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” so that I can read it and be ready to discuss by Monday. Does that still sound good for everyone? Have you had a chance to read some? It looks like the layout is very conducive to reading in spurts.

FYI, I got an e-mail from Vivian at Blend Creations. They will be having a sale Friday and the 15% off coupon code (CBB15) I gave out during my holiday gift recommendation post will also still be good. This is not sponsored in any way whatsoever, I just like to share a good deal. I already have my Mom on alert to shop for me if I can’t get online that day.

Okay, nose back to grindstone. So much for getting out of here early for our 23-hour drive to DC. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and that you are all able to take time to be with the ones for which you are most thankful. I know I will be.

P.S. Misty — The title of this post reminds me to tell you that I promise to look at it and get back to you next week!

I have so much reading to do for this week. I’ve gotten through two nights worth but it’s almost 7 p.m. and I still have two more nights worth to read. Bleech. Problem is that the last two weeks have been insane and this week is going to be the worst. A new policy has been instituted at work that changes the way we complete certain tasks and one of them is going to take up all my time this week (and possibly next week) to the point where I may have to work through lunch and possibly even bring work home. Sigh… Hope not!

I cannot believe October is almost over! The past few months have just flown by. This weekend has been great. Chapin stayed home yesterday and we got a lot done around the house, then went out today and got him an expensive new toy (read: BIG ASS TRUCK) he has been begging for pretty much since we got married 7 years ago. He’s a happy, happy man. Not sure how happy our bank account will be once we see how much a tank of gas will cost us, but hopefully it won’t break us. Pumpkinhead has had a blast driving around today and then jumping/dancing in the back of it. He was also really excited because a neighborhood cat came over to play with him and was still outside two hours later when we left to go show off the car to my parents.

Anyway, I have about 10 million things on my plate in the coming weeks (cleaning my home office is definitely going to have to wait until Christmas break because a) it’s a wicked mess and b) I really need to get some bookshelves for my stacks and stacks of law books). Seems like every Saturday is booked with one thing or the other and I know time is just going to fly. I cannot believe that this time last year I was complaining about how I had to wait to hear which law school would accept me and then wait a whole 6 months to actually start attending. I guess the busier you are, the less you notice the days and weeks passing by.

In health news, the Cymbalta continues to work. I have been having some continued pain/numbness/tingling in my legs, especially when I cross them or push the backs of my knees against a chair, but I’m trying to avoid that and it’s not constant like it was before. Hopefully it won’t return because I’d like to stay on the lower dose rather than upping to the 60mg. There are some side effects that I’d rather not magnify, but overall I feel 10,000 times better!

Enough procrastinating; I’m off to read some more before the time comes to watch Desperate Housewives (the one show I try catch live and not DVR if Pumpkinhead’s bedtime routine doesn’t delay me).

According to this quiz, I’m a Dedicated Reader

If only this were true about my reading for law school. And, honestly, these days if I actually make it through a whole issue of Brain, Child, it’s a good month for extracurricular reading!

My mother says I have Stray Puppy Syndrome. Always have. In elementary school I brought home a kid who sucked mustard packets at lunch and admitted to me that his parents were starving him (yes, my parents got him help). Another friend’s stepfather was molesting her and my parents let her live with us until her mother decided to leave him and find them a safe place to go. In middle school, my best friends were the guy in the wheelchair and the weird, quiet girl that lived in a trailer park on the edge of town. In high school all my friends were gay (and the ones who weren’t are now!) and I railroaded them into forming a straight/gay alliance. When I was in my senior year, I hid a homeless guy in my parents’ basement apartment so he’d have shelter. I tend to trust easily and give whatever I can. It’s been hard to learn to say “No.” Naive perhaps, but I like to believe it’s part of my call as a Christian to love others as I want to be loved (although I must say it usually ends up being more giving and less taking). And, yes, it’s hurt me in the past.

Zuska doesn’t think it’s the wisest idea to take blog posts at face value, no matter how heartwrenching the story. I see her point (and, in writing this blog post, I am not trying to make her feel bad or say that I don’t think she has made some really important points in her post). You can get taken for a ride, you may not know the whole story, etc. But I am a firm believer in trusting your gut. A while back, a call went out on a blog I read for donations to help a mother of three children who was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor fly to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion. I hadn’t read her blog before, but once I did and saw a) how long it had been going on and b) that she was a SAHM to a disabled daughter, my heartstrings were sufficiently tugged and I made a donation. I don’t regret it. My little donation wasn’t much, but Heather went to the Mayo Clinic and I’ve continued to follow her story as she’s undergone surgery and treatment. If someone else was in a similar situation, I’d donate again. I just don’t think people are inherently bad, at least not those on the blogs I read or forums I join.

For all I know, LagLiv is well off and doesn’t need help. But having been through medical crises myself, I know how expensive that can be and I don’t know many people who have that kind of money laying around. So I choose to give and to believe that, should I ever be in a similar situation (God forbid!), people who know me — both IRL and online — would come to my aid and pay it forward. One thing about LagLiv’s situation that has bothered me a little bit is so many strangers coming out of the wordwork. I guess we all are strangers, but I wonder how I would feel if that happened to me. Both Kim and LagLiv are suddenly getting hundreds, if not thousands, of hits daily due to the recent publicity of their blogs. Although support is great, that extra attention would probably make me a bit more cautious.

The Anglican Communion meets at the end of this month to discuss the issue that some say threatens to divide the Episcopal Church from the more conservative arms of the Communion. My parents have been lifelong Anglicans (now Episcopalians here in the U.S.) and my mother, a Christian singer/songwriter, has many gay friends. I have been raised my whole life around same-sex couples, many of whom have just as much faith as my parents and even longer time together as couples. My heart tells me that God’s only concern is that we form a loving, monogamous relationship with one person, be it someone of the same sex or someone of the opposite sex. I do not believe homosexuality is a choice any more that I believe people choose to be short or tall. It is my heartfelt prayer that the church’s leaders will choose to continue to bless gay unions and place their values behind monogamy and long-term relationships rather than shaming or ignoring a huge segment of our population. I also believe that Rev. Lind is as qualified a candidate as the heterosexuals up for bishop of Chicago and I am hopeful that the leadership will see fit to let her continue as a candidate.

You may find this surprising, but I am really not a people person. I’ve never been that popular and I feel like I’m constantly saying the wrong thing or that people are playing hide the ball with me in the sense that they are obviously not thrilled by what I’ve said/done and I just don’t know why. Wish I could figure it out but people typically flee without telling me. Becoming a mother has helped some. Because I want my child to have friends, I make the effort to get out and meet people. If I had my way, I’d lock myself in my bedroom with piles of books and never leave. But then if I needed help, who would be there for me? I know that, realistically, connections are important. I put on a good face as “outgoing”, but I’m really not good at handling conflict if it arises. Although I enjoy helping others, I’m a much better solo worker than a team member. I need to work on that, especially the conflict-dodging thing.

I have found two things out since the hell that was high school. First, foreigners get me. Not sure what that’s all about, but I do know that my Spanish-speaking husband can’t easily misinterpret or twist my words if I’m speaking his language since I really have to work hard to pick the right ones. We work. Second, I’m so much cooler online. I’m one of those people that devours info. When I was pregnant with Pumpkinhead, I read every pregnancy book out there and joined several online communities. I gave up on most of them because the women could be really snarky/judgmental and, quite frankly, many of the groups were just too large and difficult to follow. I found one, however, that was really comforting, and we’ve stayed together for four years, meeting in person and supporting each other on a daily basis online. I was part of the “in crowd” in the group and it was a really important part of my life for a long time until something bad happened IRL and I had to step out of the popular kids’ group and back to the fringes. Now I think I may join several members who have decided to leave or, at the very least, become less active. As our kids have gotten older, we’ve all gotten busier, but a lot of the women have also gotten decidedly more opinionated about the “right” or “wrong” way to raise a child. There is nothing tougher than being made to feel like you are a bad mother and nothing touches a nerve more quickly than having your child-rearing decisions questioned. While no one is overtly doing this to me, it seems to happen to those I care about more and more and I find myself hesitant to post anything for fear of being slammed down. Lately every time I visit the group or receive a private message from one of the members, I really do want to just crawl back under the bed and hide.

As for the blog, I really enjoy this but I worry about getting judged. I enjoy keeping this little journal of my thoughts and feelings and experiences as I go through law school and I think it’s important for others to see the reality of life as a law school mother. Hopefully I can be true to that and provide a good perspective on the whole experience. I feel like I don’t blog enough about Pumpkinhead, but the truth is that the days just run together lately and it’s hard to remember what’s happened all week when I go to post. I’m going to try to remember the purpose of my blog and stay true to that. And I’m going to work on getting over my inability to handle judgments!

When I was 8 months pregnant, my best friend’s mother passed away after her second round with breast cancer. The doctors had refused to take her breasts the first time and, when they went in two years later, they found that the cancer was everywhere. Mrs. Horton was the most amazing woman. Generous, thoughtful, God-fearing and beautiful. She taught at a local Catholic high school and raised her children to be giving, friendly, welcoming people. Her daughter is a great testament to her life.

Mrs. Horton was in her early 50’s when she died. Lately it seems like more and more young women are developing this horrible disease and it appears to me to be coming on stronger than before. I visit their blogs to read their stories, pray for them and gain a bit of perspective. Last week Heather finished radiation on her aggressive brain cancer and now has to decide whether chemo is worth it. Kim has a law school final exam tonight and starts chemo tomorrow. Over at Toddler Planet, Mommy is suffering with an aggressive form of inflammatory breast cancer. Her children are 3 and 7 months.

Go visit these ladies, offer your support and try to remember that no matter how much stress is in your life, it could always get worse. These amazing mothers continue to do so much to benefit their families and communities. They are living! I will never forget the day that Mrs. Horton came out of surgery with her terminal diagnosis. I flew out of work and literally ran to the hospital about 10 blocks away to see my best friend. And you know what? From her recover bed, Mrs. Horton asked to see me. At the time, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t really understand. But now I know that as she patted my swollen belly and asked me how I was feeling (not a word about her!), she was trying to tell me to live my life, to be a strong example to my child and to try to offer her own sweet daughter all the support I could. It’s been four years since Mrs. Horton died and I still think of her all the time. I only hope I can be half the mother she was.