PT-LawMom

My medical leave of absence was granted. I will be off all spring (if I can finish this semester without hurting myself!), but they are requiring me to return next summer to make up at least one class I missed last summer. Damn it. Oh well, I am looking forward to the break so that I can read all the great links people sent me (shout out to ML and T!) on natural remedies for ADHD and alternative approaches to deal with schools. I also think that working on not crying, increased self-esteem, picking healthy relationships with non-narcissists and actually accomplishing things in my daily life are all good goals.

This week’s roundup is up at A Little Fish in Law School. Thanks for taking it over for me, lady.

The Weekly MILP (Moms in the Legal Profession) Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A New Duck and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be somewhere to be determined

There’s glass in my ass. And I didn’t put it there. No, the guy that smashed my car window and stole my work laptop, purse and the one piece of inheritance my grandmother left specifically for me in her will. I’m sorry, apparently I missed the fact that this is “bend me over and gang rape me” year. Let’s recap:

January - Mother has massive heart attack, almost dies, leaves hospital with SEVEN stents in her RCA.
February - Brother steals $10,000 from Mother while she is recovering (he stole her extra debit card while he was here in January. She physically kicked him out TWO DAYS before she had her heart attack!) PT-LawMom asks for divorce; Chapin cries all night long and begs for couples therapy.
March - PT-LawMom has mini-nervous breakdown induced by too-fast increase in Topamax dosage, quits her job and, thank GOD, manages to hold it together long enough to find a new (and much more awesome) one. Brother is arrested for hitting his girlfriend (again) and goes to jail. Parents BAIL HIM OUT. And pay for his attorney. And are still making his car payments and student loan payments. Their poor little bipolar, diabetic baby doesn’t know what he’s doing and just needs their help.
April - Chapin still hasn’t actually done therapy. Tells PT-LawMom she has to quit her job when she tells him she may have to travel for work. Threatens to call her boss if she doesn’t quit. PT-LawMom writes a 20-page research paper and delivers a half-coherent oral argument.
May - PT-LawMom goes to mentor the incoming law students the first Saturday of the month, leaving her son at home with his grandmother and thereby “breaking the rules”. Chapin calls her a bitch/slut/whore and raises his fists to hit her in front of her son. Her heart finally hardens completely and she files for divorce a week later. A week after that, she loses her fourth and final grandparent in a 15-month period. Her father leaves for his homeland for the funeral. Brother gets off the battery charges with two years’ probation. Oh yeah, and somewhere in there I had final exams.
June - PT-LawMom literally ties her stomach in knots. Spends two weeks in the hospital, undergoes major surgery and has to drop all of her summer classes to recover.
July - Chapin leaves the country to “recover” from the divorce. PT-LawMom drags her butt to court and stands up, alone, to finalize the divorce. Spends the day of her divorce having hot sex with a guy who tells her it was awesome, makes plans to meet up soon and then Never Calls Again!
August - Chapin announces that he is not returning because he feels the urge to kill PT-LawMom and needs time to get over that. PT-LawMom moves in with her parents. PT-LawMom’s mother discovers that PT-LawMom’s Dad hasn’t been taking his bipolar meds and hasn’t been to work in TWO MONTHS. Yes, this is the man that pays for mother’s health insurance while she recovers from her HEART ATTACK!
September - PT-LawMom has to pay all of Chapin’s bills because most are still in both names. She also has to pack up the whole five-bedroom house ALONE even though she cannot lift more than 5lbs after the surgery and ends up paying day laborers to help. Pumpkinhead undergoes psychological testing. Law school announces that one of the two summer classes in which I took an incomplete won’t be offered again at night until the fall before I graduate, which means I take a FAIL and have to keep it on my transcript until the spring I graduate.
October - PT-LawMom’s post-gastric bypass malnutrition-induced neuropathic pain returns with a vengeance and she has to increase her Cymbalta dosage, with nasty side effects.
Pumpkinhead is required to start medication and starts cognitive behavioral therapy at $140/week. Chapin returns.
November - Chapin announces that he cannot and will not pay the almost $600/month payment on the Toyota Tundra (again, in both names). PT-LawMom’s car is broken into and she loses the only thing her grandmother specifically named for her in the will (a gorgeous ring I had just removed from the safe to have re-sized) and many other things. University financial aid department e-mails to request immediate payment of $2,300 to Sallie Mae since I did not “make progress” in any summer classes. LOVELY. Oh, and while PT-LawMom is dealing with the police and cleaning glass out of her car, PT-LawMom’s parents are having a knock-down/drag-out argument in front of her son, complete with foul words, crying and screaming. Oh, and brother is coming down for Thanksgiving…
December - Forecast: Failing law school, complete nervous breakdown, crawling under a rock?!?

Blue Eyes said I need to embrace his philosophy. “Oh well!” If it was one thing, it would be easier to do so. As I was sitting there tonight for TWO HOURS waiting for the cops to show, I was very calm. I tend to do this when things go really, really wrong. When Chapin told me, the night before our first trip to Guatemala, that, “Oh, by the way, I have a daughter over there”, I sat calmly, processed it and moved on to practical ways to deal with the situation. Despite all my bitching on this blog, I tend to take the big things in a very analytical, calm way. But tonight I could feel my stomach knotting and I almost threw up. I am ANGRY!!!! I have lost so much in the last two years. Three of my beloved grandparents died between Nov. 2006 - May 2007 and then Chapin brought home an STD in the fall, telling me he was cheating after 8 years of marriage. I spent last year in MAJOR pain with my neuropathies and just trying to keep my head afloat. Now I feel like if One More Thing comes my way, it’s going to be the last straw. I don’t care if people think I’m whining. I am PISSED. I feel bereft and furious. Want to help me out? Buy a t-shirt or click through Amazon in my sidebar to do your Christmas shopping. Between Chapin, the car deductible, etc., I am financially fucked.

You know, I started this blog to chronicle my journey during law school. I never imagined things would go downhill so fast in so many areas other than school. What the hell?!?! Is someone out to get me? I have to believe this will end. And, damn it, I just cannot be positive all the time.

Drinking wine, reading lots of material on asset forfeiture for my paper and trying not to feel bummed. Blue Eyes was supposed to sleep over tonight but he has a wicked toothache so he’s staying home with an ice pack and lots of Advil. I think we need to institute a “no promises” rule because I was psyched all day. My head knows he is seriously hurting. My heart wanted a night of hugs. Oh well…

Tomorrow I have back-to-back meetings all day, have to work late and then I am going out! I have a really cute new dress and I am going to show it off. I have dinner plans and then who knows?

Friday is PTA night at Pumpkinhead’s school. They are showing “Kung Fu Panda” in the cafeteria. I promised I’d take him. Should be fun.

And now, since the Judds have blocked the YouTube video of this song, here’s a lady singing one of their songs I am listening to far too much these days, especially when there is wine involved:

This week’s awesome roundup is up at One New Duck.

The Weekly MILP (Moms in the Legal Profession) Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A New Duck and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be back here.

I blogged last week about how I met with Pumpkinhead’s teacher, principal and counselor and they basically got me over a barrel regarding his “behavior issues.” They said that they will not advance him into gifted/talented or pull him into second grade for reading unless we medicate him. I considered my options, discussed the issue with his pediatrician and Chapin, and ultimately decided that our only option right now was to try the medication for a while and see how it goes. We do NOT want him to fail and right now kids refuse to play with him, he’s alienated the teachers and staff at school and he is coming home crying at night because he is so sad that he hasn’t received a star. Yes, part of this is the school. But I really feel like I’m in a hard position because I just do not have the ability right now to take them on.

Maybe if I was a really good mother, I would try other things like diet modification (suggested by my aunt) or re-education of his teachers (suggested by friends), etc. But I am about at the crawl-under-a-rock point right now emotionally, physically, etc. And I don’t want him to suffer more while I screw around trying to figure out the best approach. I did think about getting vitamins and passing them off as meds (so he’d think he was taking something and we could just tell the teacher he was), but I do think he needs help. The psychiatrist we saw observed him for an hour, read the testing report, and agrees. She prescribed Focalin (a Ritalin derivative) in a 5mg dose (smallest available) and gave us a behavior rating chart for his teacher and us to fill out now (based on unmedicated) and in two weeks. We will see how he does.

In the meantime, my friend, Mary Louisa, sent me a link to a great site with some wonderful information about gifted kids. I’m also going to look into various diets, but it will be extremely difficult to stick to any of them with all the crap he gets at school during snack and at aftercare. Plus my parents watch him most of the time while I am in school. They’ll do some things but not others. That makes it practically difficult to execute certain types of interventions. I do NOT want him to stay on meds long-term. But if this can help him calm down long enough to get his “executive functioning” skills up and get into the gifted/talented program so that he gets the stimulation he craves, that’s all I want. I don’t want to see them continue to come down hard on him and constantly reprimand him until his self-esteem is completely damaged. I saw that happen to my brother and look at him now… drugs, crime, abuse, etc.

I do appreciate any info people send along so please feel free to add links in the comments or e-mail me directly at ptlawmom at gmail dot com. Just know that this was a very, VERY hard decision for me to make and I’m not thrilled about it but it is what we’re doing for now.

Have to leave after class tomorrow for a few days away for work. Looks to be an insanely busy week! It’s almost 10 and I have yet to pack. Procrastinating with a little meme. Pumpkinhead and I had a blast trunk-or-treating on Friday night at the church where we attend DivorceCare. The families decorate the insides of their trunks and hand out candy from there. I’d never done that before. It was way fun!

Then we spent Saturday evening at Blue Eyes’ house where he made yummy grilled chicken, pork and veggies for us. Pumpkinhead went to play with friends for a few hours and Blue Eyes and I watched Office Space. Soooo funny!

Today we had lunch with Chapin so that he could see Pumpkinhead and we could go over some papers and other things. Chapin hung out and watched a DVD with Pumpkinhead and his friend for about two hours while I studied in my room. That worked out all right. Then I spent the afternoon trying to work with a very patchy Internet connection. Damn Comcast!! I’ve spent the evening Flairing out my Facebook page (now that I know where that came from - LOL) and IM’ing Blue Eyes. I need to get productive and start packing but I’m blah. Been hurting all weekend. Damn, damn, damn my stupid nerves. I thought that raising to 90mg of Cymbalta would have helped but it has just kicked my Bow-chicka-bow-wow completely into the ground. Yep, I am 29 going on 80. Going to take a B12 shot, make an appointment with the neurologist and keep moving.

H/t to The Nocturnal Wench

1. I’ve come to realize that my last kiss was… tender and sweet but frustratingly unproductive.

2. I am listening to… “Tu Sonrisa” by Elvis Crespo and the sound of Pumpkinhead snoring in my bed.

3. I talk… too fast!

4. I love… my son, books and chocolate. Combine them all and I’m having a great night!

5. My best friends are… in and out of my life.

6. My love life… is a rollercoaster ride.

7. I hate it when people assume… that I am uptight, reserved or otherwise unpleasant.

8. Love is… intoxicating, hard to find and fun when you’re in it.

9. Marriage is… more difficult than outsiders can imagine but ultimately a worthwhile endeavor with the right person. It’s finding the “right” person that is hard.

10. Somewhere, someone is thinking… way too much about unimportant things.

11. I’m always… worried about something.

12. I have a secret crush on… no one. I’m not a secret crush kind of a girl, more of a “hey, I like you” kind of girl. Just ask Blue Eyes.

13. My cell phone… is a Blackberry, always at my side.

14. When I wake up in the morning… it’s because a five year-old has busted in for morning cuddles before we both get up to face the day.

15. When I go to bed at night…. I can’t sleep lately.

16. Right now I am thinking about… what to pack, all the crap I have to do tomorrow at work, whether it will get done, whether Pumpkinhead will be okay while I’m gone, whether the medication he’s on will work, whether Chapin will REALLY pick him up from daycare on Thursday, whether I will fall flat on my face at my presentations this week, and many other things.

17. Babies are… adorable and I’d love to have another someday but I think the neuropathy and malnutrition has probably slammed that door shut.

18. I get on Face Book… and spend waaayyy too much time on it.

19. Tonight I will… try to do something productive.

20. Tomorrow I will… try to get up and off to work early and actually make it to class like I’ve planned before catching my 9:20 p.m. flight out of the airport 1.5 hours from home rather than the one that is a mere 10 minutes from my house.

This week’s roundup is up at A Little Fish in Law School.

The Weekly MILP (Moms in the Legal Profession) Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A New Duck and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be back here.

I’m sick. Blah. I just need a hug today.

Voted today (yay Obama) and then stopped at Einstein Bros. bagels for a cup of coffee. It was 8:15. And sitting in front of me in line was my Dad. Who was supposed to be at work. Yep, back to his hiding/pretending deal. This bipolar stuff sucks. I don’t even know him anymore. My mother is devastated.

And I have to take Friday off work. Pumpkinhead’s teacher called me in for a conference yesterday with the principal and the school counselor. Apparently he is “out of control” and “the loudest kid around” and “nobody wants to be his friend.” He’s “highly intelligent” with “lots of potential” but they “can’t stretch him if he continues to act this way.” The conversation turned to medication and all three women just about jumped across the table telling me he needs it now. They basically said that they can either put him in special ed for the smaller class size or I can medicate him and then he can “reach his potential” in gifted/talented classes but they won’t be able to let him do that if he can’t calm himself. I get it. But he is FIVE!!! This breaks my heart. I talked to his pediatrician. She helped me get in to see a psychiatrist Friday afternoon and I’m also taking him to the psychologist who tested him on Friday morning for cognitive behavior therapy, which will apparently teach him strategies to concentrate more. They said he cannot anticipate consequences and that is why he gets so upset when he does something and gets in trouble for it. I can’t watch him be broken by this. He comes home every night and when he hasn’t had a “good” day, he starts tearing up and says, “Oh, Mommy, I’m trying soooo hard to be good.” Wish I could wave a magic wand and fix this for him.

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A Little Fish in Law School, and A New Duck blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be hosted by Butterflyfish, who is rolling on the floor laughing at the restraint I am exercising in not putting my wicked dirty mind to use on a theme appropriate to the week.

No on 8!!!! Support Googie Baba and her wife (and Dakota and hers)(and [In]Sanity Girl)(and WordToYourMothers). Googie Baba said in a great comment to a ProtoAttorney post, “I don’t have the energy to try and destroy anything, let alone Christianity. I just want to hold my wife’s hand.”

I could have told you that Andrea and her huge heart are Heaven-sent. Good thing her clients know a great girl when they meet one.

3L Wannabe looked up and wondered where everyone went

Butterflyfish is growing up

A [sparkly] New Duck is revealed!

Dakota agrees that sometimes ignorance is bliss

Angry Pregnant Lawyer is giving up the Blawg

LEO finds out that law students are especially obnoxious when you are pregnant (Girl, my birthday is December 28 and I turned out just fine… well, okay, you be the judge. Still.)

Citations shares some beautiful scenery and a Tofu Ranch?!?

Mieke’s son provides some laugh-out-loud distraction from what was probably a very routine and dull Evidence class

ProtoAttorney’s life makes ME tired (and check out her awesome baby pic)!!

LagLiv shares a delicious, nibble-worthy belly and the joys of early mornings with a child around

Over at LawMummy, we’re reminded that it really is the simple things in life that matter

TrannyHead rocks yet another week of questions. ROFL. Bar stool. Bwahahahaha

LawyerMama is living the dream!! Go Steph!!! (And, OMG, Joe Biden is totally cuddling her son in the sidebar Flickr pics!)

Legally Certifiable is experiencing the truly special parts of life as a litigator

It was this time last year that the original Mom in Law School, Kim, won $10,000 for blogging on her journey with breast cancer, thanks in large part to many of you getting out there and voting for her.

Shelley shares a wicked cute picture of Peach, more litigation horror stories and an awesome child’s Obama shirt.

Cee talks about her experience with this historic election (and shares super-cute Jacob pics)

Zuska has been thrust into pre-teen world, with all the drama that accompanies that adventure

Over at Balancing Act, it’s time to get back to work, Mom

If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup — Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks