PT-LawMom

Only two more days until I am out with the old and in with the new. Wonder if I should wear the red shoes for the last day or if that would be rubbing it in too much? It hasn’t been pleasant around work the past week or so but I have been very busy finishing up tasks and trying to leave lists and organized files for the next person. My predecessor left me nothing but stacks of junk so I’m hoping to at least leave a little more direction for the person who succeeds me.

I plan to sleep in Thursday morning and then I have to go see my doctor for a follow-up on all the meds she put me on to control the non-stop crying and anxiety. She had to prescribe based on a phone consultation since, after two weeks of harassment following my meeting with HR, I was specifically threatened in regards to taking time off for doctor’s appts. Then I have a hair appointment (color and cut) followed by an afternoon of anything I want to do. Probably reading and studying or possibly cleaning up my messy home office (again!)

Then on Friday I am driving my mother to a day spa for the weekend before I start my new job. We’re going out of town to get pampered and she promises I can hole up in the room and study as much or as little as I want. Yay. I’m also glad to have some alone time with her. It’s rare these days to have that with Pumpkinhead constantly vying for her attention. Sometimes you just need some Mommy time, KWIM?

Roughly three weeks ago, I asked for HR intervention in a work situation that was heaping more stress on my life than I had the capacity to handle. It made it much worse. But, even though I was incredibly depressed by the way things were going, I decided that my life has been spinning out of control for way too many months now and it was time to reclaim control. So I did.

1. Found excellent new job — more responsibilities (paralegal), exciting area of law, more flexibility, little sal. bump, no billable hours!, new position (i.e., not filling anyone’s shoes)
2. Lost 15lbs since January with help of nutritionist/stress/Topamax’s hunger-killing side effects
3. Switched all of my vitamins to super-absorbable (expensive!) formulas so that I can see if I start to treat the underlying problem.
4. Got on some additional meds to deal with the side effects of the meds/intense stress I’ve been under with family/work/health issues… Yes, I know that makes no sense and, believe me, I resisted, but when you are crying 24/7 and anxious/irritable all the time, something has got to give. I decided it was time when I couldn’t stop crying as I was getting Pumpkinhead dressed for school. That’s also the day I really ramped up my job search!
5. Read skirt! Rules for the Workplace: An Irreverent Guide to Advancing Your Career. I would definitely recommend this book (in fact, I think someone else may have recommended it as one of our book club selections and I think it’s a good idea. LOTS of great tips!)
6. Read Working With You is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work. Again, a very helpful read to help me gain some perspective.
7. Gave notice at work, with two days built in as time off for myself (and to work on schoolwork!) before starting the new job, and planned a girls weekend away with my Mom before I start the new job.
8. Bought FIVE pairs of new shoes. I don’t do that. I have a weird shoe size and am not a shoe person. But the shoe guy brought out a bunch of Munro shoes, which are so comfy and always fit perfectly. I boughtJuliet in chocolate brown and navy, Lauren in Black Kid, Isabel in Black Kid and these.

So I guess you can say I’m feeling much more on top of my game today and ready to move forward.

Part of growing up and working in the real world is learning who you can trust (probably very few) and what you should disclose (probably very little). Lisa Belkin has a very eye-opening, honest and sad article on this in the New York Times and it’s a good reminder to people as they head out into the work world.

In my case, I find it hard to reconcile the way I was raised — to be honest, forthright and direct — with what seems to me to be lying. It twists my gut and makes me feel dirty to tell a half-truth about why I have to take time off work. And when I am vague and return to work and someone asks me a direct question about where I was, I seem incapable of lying. My friend said, “Just tell them it’s none of your business.” But you see, I wasn’t raised that way. My parents taught me to see the good in people and have an open, welcoming heart. Ever seen those “The Episcopal Church Welcomes You” bumper stickers? My parents, having spent many years working for the church in England, live by that. Can’t tell you how many stray, random people have stayed at my house or come over for dinner over the years and they do it at their jobs as well. But I’m learning, and maybe it’s just in the legal field, that this friendly, bared, open attitude just leaves me vulnerable and exposed rather than engendering favor with anyone. You don’t realize it until things blow up in your face and you have to learn the hard way but there you go. Bottom line, Ms. Belkin’s article is dead on.

Another week ahead. I’m hoping that good things will happen. I’ve requested a meeting with HR tomorrow to discuss some unpleasantness, so please wish me luck. I also have some other meetings with people around town on my lunch hours that I’m hoping will be productive since certain avenues I’d hoped to explore at work now appear to be shut not only to me but to any candidate for the time being. One of my close friends “resigned” her position last week so I’m a bit scared to speak to HR, but I also know that I can’t ignore these problems. Keep everything crossed for me and sorry for the lack of detail.

Today was an oddly unproductive day. Fought long and hard with Chapin this morning, even using the “D” word (we rarely do that — a month’s stress rearing it’s ugly head), then took Pumpkinhead out for “family time” to make up for being bad, screaming parents in front of him. Came home and took a two-hour nap to try to get rid of the headache that wouldn’t quit. Then my Dad came by to tell me my brother has lost yet another job and needs help finding a new one (in another faraway city) and couldn’t I spare some time to help him.

Tried to read for class but decided my head was in better shape to work on research for a paper instead. Now I’m off to bathe Pumpkinhead and get him to bed. Last night he decided it would be fun to make an “experiment” so he poured an entire brand new bottle of bubble bath and 2/3 of a bottle of shampoo over his rubber ducky and other toys inside a bath bucket.

This has been a week of revelations about the true nature of many people. Maybe it’s part of growing older and getting wiser. Maybe it’s part of getting hurt one too many times. But I’m starting to realize that oftentimes people truly are just out there for their own benefit and will do whatever it takes to get to the top or make themselves feel superior, even if it means stepping on your face on the way.

My husband, who grew up in a country divided for many years by a brutal civil war, has often tried to convince me of this harsh reality but I, the daughter of Christian missionaries who always had a room and a warm meal for a stranger, refused to believe it. I still find it hard to believe. That said, at least when it comes to work and school, I think I need to put up a bit of a stronger shield.

Early this week, a good friend of mine at work lost her job under circumstances that were very unfair. Then I had a run-in with someone at work that was really humiliating and uncalled for and the two work issues combined made me wonder about my future there. In addition, while school has been going well in terms of professors and the subject matter itself, some of my classmates have been acting like real asshats all of a sudden! I’m not sure what changed, but I know that several others feel the same way I do — please let this 1L year end so that we can pick our classes and hopefully get away from the few that are being particularly obnoxious.

Anyway, while many things are going much better than they were just a few weeks ago, this week really made my heart hurt and made me think about long-term priorities. Who knows? If it’s meant to work out, there may be some changes in the works and a steelier, less tenderhearted lady ready to face the world when the bell rings for the next go-round.

One of my friends has a baby lawyer who has just been a nightmare for the past year-and-a-half. Maybe she realizes it and this explains her actions today, but I don’t think that a big gift can make up for bad behavior. Anyway, my friend got an Amazon gift certificate from this attorney today. She went online to check the amount and found that it is $250!!! Okay, baby lawyers, despite the “bonus table” making the rounds at a large New York firm, the reality is that $250 is going a bit overboard (not that we won’t accept it…)

Typically associate gifts are in the $50 - $100 range and can include massage certificates, restaurant gift cards, or cold, hard cash. Partners give more, sometimes much, much more if they are corner office guys and have long-term secretaries. Obviously this advice doesn’t apply to smaller firms.

The thing to remember, overall, is that your secretary just wants some acknowlegement of her effort. As I’ve mentioned before, if she doesn’t help and is just plain rude, talk to her about it to see if there is some misunderstanding. But if she works hard and is kind to you, be kind back. She doesn’t expect anything, but it’s a great surprise when she gets a gift from you. You don’t have to give her a ton of money, especially if you honestly believe you are broke, as some on ATL stated (she would probably disagree, but whatever). How about a book or CD you think she’d enjoy. A certificate to get her nails done at a salon near your workplace. Or just a kind thank you accompanied by a latte. A happy legal secretary is a productive legal secretary. Just be nice and don’t go overboard!

I got home after a long day at work and a very rare but nasty yelling-at by one of my partners IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE HALLWAY! And I swear to God, I didn’t even do anything! It was a miscommunication (his fault!) and he just flipped out. Have I mentioned that I really, really, REALLY want that paralegal position?? Pray for me, send good wishes, pin a voodoo doll — just send some luck my way! (After I recovered from the hell that was my morning, I took 2 minutes to go downstairs and get a lottery ticket so I’ll take luck just for that! Then I could attend law school full time and have only that to get stressed over.)

Anyway, that episode really dragged me down and then he made me work through lunch and stay a half-hour late. I barely made it to Pumpkinhead’s school on time. Actually, I made it at 6:35 so I had to pay $5 for each minute I was late.

My point? I am tired. Sooooo tired. I drank a VENTI Nonfat Sugar-Free Cinnamon Dolce latte on the way home and I still feel like a mack truck hit me. I have Law in a Flash cards laid out in front of me and I Just Can’t Look At Them! I was up at 4 a.m. so maybe I just need to go to bed now and wake up early. Thank the Lord, I have the entire day off tomorrow before my four-hour exam in the evening. I can’t even think straight to figure out what I will do tomorrow. The only thing I know for sure is that the darn housecleaner comes tomorrow so I have to “clean for the cleaner.” On the plus side, hair and makeup aren’t standing in my way. I think I’ll sleep now, get up at 4 to study and then take Pumpkinhead to school as early as possible!!!

Wish me luck on my Contracts exam! Any tips or awesome charts/mnemonics/random tips to send my way? Send ‘em to PTLawMom at gmail dot com. It’s closed book and my professor is a bit of a sadist because she went to an Ivy League school and, therefore, has to torture her students like she was tortured! So obviously I need all the help I can get!!!

Stealing a post from Ana and reviewing 30 days of search history to see how people find my blog:

For the person searching my blog for a “Wife of a Law Student” shirt, try this

I want this one for me and this one for my little monkey, Pumpkinhead.

For the person searching my blog for what to get his legal secretary for Christmas, cash is always good. Or a gift card (Amazon? See sidebar) if you think cash is gauche. If you want to get her a “serious” gift, Kelly at Lawyer’s Right Hand recommends an investment in her professional development. I would suggest paying for a NALS certification. It will make her feel more confident and ultimately benefits you and your firm as well. Don’t buy her gels, lotions, perfumes or bath products. Don’t buy her clothes. If you don’t want to give money, how about a gift certificate for a nice restaurant near her house so that she and her significant other can go out to eat? You could also go with a spa certificate, although there are some (crazy!) women who aren’t into that. Hope this helps. In my personal experience over the past six years, I’ve always received cash or gift cards. If you need any more ideas, please click on my Amazon links at left.

For the person searching my blog for the cost of raising a child, BabyCenter actually has a calculator for this. That said, I’d say better not to look!

For the person who wants to know if it’s easier to get into law school part-time, the answer is NO! We’re smart enough, we’re good enough, and gosh darn it, our professors actually prefer us over the baby daytime students! That said, this article about the disadvantages is fairly accurate.

For the people searching for broke law student, you found me. Ditto for the people searching for law school diaries.

I really want to know what a “law school attack outline” is! Sounds vicious.

For the person searching for how to evaluate their legal secretary, do it nicely. Nothing in a review should be a surprise. Talk to your secretary before filling it out, if need be, and remember that your evaluation affects her compensation so please be as generous as you can be.

For the person searching my blog for the “negative impact of immigrants on America”, boy did you pick the wrong blog, buddy!

For the TWENTY people collectively searching for “Thanksgiving MILF”, “In-Law MILF” or “Lawyer MILF”, what the fuck?!?! Same for the FORTY-FIVE searches for “Aquadots Recipe.” On a similar note, I don’t know how you got to my blog searching for how to stuff THOSE up THERE! Ew!!!!

Finally, you can and SHOULD visit Ruben Navarette here.

I think Ana’s blog searches are much more interesting!

Well this day went *much* better!

Was up until 1 a.m. studying and overslept as a result so that threw me off and I was worried the day would be similar. BUT I managed to rally and spent my lunch hour putting the finishing touches on my outline and binding two copies. My study partner and I spent hours on the phone last night refining our chart and cutting down the text of our outline. It looks so good and, as many of my wonderful commenters pointed out, making it ourselves has really helped us to learn the material. After I’d bound the two copies, my study partner picked hers up and dropped off exam diskettes for me to use.

The afternoon was a very busy but productive one at work. Mid-way through the afternoon, I went to fill out my timecard for Monday and saw that my vacation balance was 7.5 hours. I thought, “That’s odd!” because I can tell you right now that not only have I used ALL my vacation for sick time, but also that I have taken “dock” time since for doctor’s appointments. So I called HR and was told that the 7.5 is a rollover balance from prior years that can be released with special permission from a supervisor.

Soooo… yep, I called my supervisor and begged, pleaded and cajoled her into letting me use it for exams. The final answer is that I have to take the time in a full-day increment, so that means that I still can’t leave early for my first exam. However, I am now taking the whole day off prior to my four-hour closed book exam next week! Yippee!!! My main partner isn’t thrilled (he would have preferred two early departures over one full day but what can I do? I’m so relieved!! Next year I am praying very, very hard that my illness will be under control so that I can minimize time off and save vacation days for my exams.

Then, just when I thought my day couldn’t get better, I got a call from Chapin telling me that there was a letter from my firm in today’s mail. I was wondering what the heck it could be when he said, “What’s 12 times [$_,_ _ _]?” I was totally confused and then realized that, HOORAY, it was my annual raise letter! I got a 4.5% raise for next year. Yay!

Here’s hoping that the rest of this week and next go just as well!

Today I read Diary of a Mad Legal Secretary by Eve Halliburton. A lot of people seem to think it was hilarious so I decided I’d read it and share my thoughts with the many, many people who search my blog using terms like “it sucks to be a legal secretary” or “I hate my legal secretary job.” As I read the book, I couldn’t get past the bad grammar and misspellings (on the back cover, even!). However, it was a fairly accurate account of life as staff in a law firm, especially the part about people acting one way and then going behind others’ backs to report their perceived misdeeds. Ms. Halliburton described these characters in an extreme way, but I would bet there is more than a grain of truth in her reporting. The HR director reminded me of a woman I worked with at my first firm who was a bee-yotch on wheels and did a lot of the things in this book. That said, she was also probably one of the most insecure people I’ve ever met and, looking back, I just feel sad for her. Anyway, the book wasn’t as good as it could have been (especially the end - weird!), but overall it was a decent read. I’d encourage Ms. Halliburton to get an editor, revise the ending and republish it. It could turn out to be a hit.