First off, now that I’ve read the book, I can see why Ms. Meyers liked it so much. Overall, I think that Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Dr. Lois Frankel is a helpful book for a woman who is interested in trying to determine the mistakes she might be inadvertently making at work that could be derailing her career or putting her on a track she’s not interested in taking.
Dr. Frankel is an executive coach and corporate trainer with 20 years of experience. Her books, including this one, have been bestsellers and she currently travels nationwide speaking to women about setting aside ingrained “girly” messages and behaviors to become real “women”.
No one likes to be told what to do or that they are doing things incorrectly, but I’ll admit that I found some helpful tips in the book. Each of the 101 mistakes she covers has helpful tales illustrating how the problem plays out in the workforce. I liked that because it made me recognize some things I do at work of which I wasn’t fully aware. I was also pleased to see that she offers additional resources to seek out (books, career coaches, etc.). I have created a new list for myself based on her book recommendations in the areas where I have weaknesses.
For those who haven’t yet had a chance to read it, Dr. Frankel’s main tips are as follows:
1) Give yourself permission to move from girlhood to womanhood (I just hate this one, btw! Sounds so patronizing! I understand her point, but still…)
2) Visualize yourself as you want to be
3) Talk back to the fearful voice inside your head
4) Surround yourself with a Plexiglas shield
5) Create the word on the street (i.e., self-promote)
6) Recognize resistance and put a name to it (i.e., challenge others when they try to keep you in a box)
7) Ask for feedback
Don’t aim for perfection
Now that I’ve told you about the book generally, here are my personal thoughts. I am a very direct, assertive person. Modestly (ha, ha) I will tell you that I have never had a problem with self-promotion. I keep an accomplishments file at work and send a cover memo to my boss every year prior to my review with an overview and printouts of e-mails and letters to back up my claims. I have received only positive feedback for this tactic. I was raised in another country and, at 8 and 9, was watching advertisements on television and in the local paper that touted, “Girls can do anything!” My Dad was also a real cheerleader of everything I did so I grew up feeling on par with the boys and never had any doubt that I would be successful at whatever I attempted (. I tend to choose male friends over female because I’m just not all that girly and I get irritated by that “put yourself down, act weak and defenseless” kind of mentality.
I have always thought that a woman could be a friendly, feminine wife and mother and also a strong, confident businesswoman. What I have learned in recent years, however, is that my perception of how things should be is not always how things are. I’ve also realized that no matter how confident I am in my abilities and that of my female colleagues, others may perceive me or them differently based solely on their preconceived notion of a woman’s “proper place”. So, while I may have originally balked at the idea of learning “the rules”, I now have a better understanding at why it’s important to at least be aware that a game is being played.
Here are the personal areas on which I need to concentrate:
1) Asking permission – I tend to over-explain myself way too much, but that’s often because I feel guilty. I have been very ill for the past two years and this tendency has gotten worse because I don’t feel entitled to take time for myself and feel bad about “yet another!” doctor’s visit. Explaining makes me feel less guilty but probably diminishes my professionalism in the eyes of my employers.
2) Apologizing — See number one.
3) Crying Yep, I’m a cryer (rarely, but still…). I hate that I do this but when I get fussed at, the tears come. Argh. It’s always been my physiological reaction to intense stress. I don’t do it often, but it always makes me so angry when I do!
4) Being Naive. I’m young. I’m hoping to continue to learn and hopefully without making too many mistakes!
5) Needing to Be Liked. Who doesn’t want to be liked? I’m a tender soul. I think it makes me a better friend and I like to think it will make me a more compassionate attorney, but it usually ends up hurting me and is something I DEFINITELY need to work on in my professional life.
6) Talking Too Fast. This is a cultural problem for me. Again, I grew up in another country and people there speak very, very fast (you think I’m bad; you should have heard my Nana, God rest her soul). Unfortunately I’m realizing that people take this as a sign of nervousness or it makes them feel nervous/uncomfortable. My problem is that since I’ve always done this, I don’t even recognize it. I’m trying hard to be conscious of it and, as this one professor I had in undergrad used to fuss at me, “Slow [my] rate.”
7) Dressing inappropriately. I’m not inappropriate, per se. I just prefer comfortable clothes and have to work hard on remembering that professional dress will get you further than a comfy pair of dockers and a nice blouse. I am also very forgetful when it comes to remembering to accessorize. And my hair? My mother likes to yell at me that “Sticking your head out the car window is not an appropriate blow drying method.” 
Actually I have gotten better. I style my hair most days, wear nicer clothes, etc., but I think I always look frumpy. My recent weight gain isn’t making that impression any better. 
Even though I have some areas to work on, there were a lot of Dr. Frankel’s tips that I’m already doing well. I look forward to applying more of her tips as I mature professionally and am hoping to read some of her suggested extra materials over the holiday break (or at least sometime before I graduate!) Overall, I don’t think there is a woman out there who wouldn’t walk away gleaning at least one helpful tip from this book and I think the format is very conducive to a busy schedule. I look forward to hearing what others think.
P.S. This is not a paid review, it’s a book club selection. I purchased the book and received no compensation for speaking about it here.
Then I shopped more with my friend and Pumpkinhead, but I’m glad I made it out in the morning because it’s rare for me to be able to shop alone. Oh, I also managed to get online at my friend’s house to purchase my Blend Creations necklace (yay!) and to take advantage of Lancome’s 20% off Black Friday sale (when does makeup ever go on sale? Double yay!)
