Shit My Mom Says

So my mother was in town, on and off, for about 6 weeks. It was as fun as usual. Quotes:

1. “Your glasses are ugly. Your father thinks so, too.”
2. “You are dressing very frumpy. You need new clothes.” Bonus, she bought me some so whatever.
3. “That purse is not flattering or business-appropriate.” (Brand new and I love it. Suck it, Mom.)
4. “You know [Pumpkinhead] is going to tell the doctor that you refuse to take him to get checked out.” Um, yeah, he’s fine and a hypochondriac just like your son and father. Genetics rock!
5. To my admission that I didn’t invite my aunts to my son’s birthday party because they live over an hour away, didn’t invite me to several recent events, etc., a lovely passive-aggressive “Well, you have to live with your choices….” with the appropriate facial expression to match.
6. “How’s [Chapin - ex-husband]? Is he doing okay? Does he need money? Is everything all right?” In regards to Mr. V, nothing but criticism of his parenting style and general negativity.
7. “Your boobs have really gotten big since Baby J was born.” Bwahahaha.

There are more I can’t even begin to recall. She’s gone now. Yeah, wish I could say it was fun.