Life’s gotten a little overwhelming lately and I’ve turned into Cranky Miss SnarkyPants. Probably doesn’t help that my monthly friend finally showed up a full TWO WEEKS late. Grrr.

Chapin has given up his apartment and taken a traveling job where he may be home once every two weeks. Maybe every three. But he can only see Pumpkinhead for a few hours because where would they sleep? He called every night for the first week and now nothing. Putz. And don’t even ask about child support. Gone. (Not because of him but because the stupid wage withholding order takes FOREVER to get issued to the new employer).

Money is tight. First electric bill came in and it is a doozy. And poor Mr. V who runs his own company and teaches in the fall and spring for steady income has been losing customers left and right so this summer SUCKS. Inconsiderate me got grouchy with him when he said he was considering giving up his health insurance to save money. Personally, as a sick person, I think that is insane. But apparently people do it all the time. Horrors! I told him we can both save money by cooking at home every night and that if I cook enough for dinner, he should have leftovers for lunch (a meal he also eats out often). Nasty Ms. Nastykins also laid the guilt on good about money generally and longterm financial compatibility. On the one hand, I needed to say something as part of my new “set your boundaries and say what you need” life strategy and because I am feeling the pressure as a single mom. On the other hand, he is always there for me and I can definitely see how this is a temporary slump brought on by the lousy economy. Still, it is scary. I wouldn’t have the tolerance for running my own business for this very reason.

I think I am also feeling snarky because I had to redo benefits today. In a twist of great luck, I got the chance to up my voluntary life by $60k to a total of $180k without health forms (I can’t qualify for life insurance without an employer’s guarantee, but I am also eligible for and carry $450k in AD&D since it’s more likely I will die in an accident at this age.) But then I had to pick a beneficiary to hold the money on Pumpkinhead’s behalf and use it for his benefit. Considering my parents’ complete inability to handle financial matters appropriately, I had to choose not to put my mother down. The question then was best friend/Godmother or ex-husband. For now ex-husband wins. I know, it sounds crazy. But I had no choice and the reality is that, if I die right now, Chapin *would* get Pumpkinhead. The beneficiary info is listed as “Chapin as custodian for Pumpkinhead under the [State] Uniform Transfer to Minors Act.” Godmother is contingent beneficiary. Under our divorce decree, Chapin has to take out a certain amount of life insurance and name me as beneficiary so I think it is probably fair for me to do the same for now. Doesn’t make it any less of a gutwrencher.