RSS
 

Archive for June, 2009

What I’m Not Posting

28 Jun

So I come here all the time intending to blog about many things. But for one reason or another — usually lack of time or inability to string coherent sentences together — the posts never come together.

I haven’t mentioned that Chapin lost his job. Fortunately he found another. Unfortunately it means traveling a LOT. Probably for most of each month and unpredictable time at home so it’s not clear if or when he will see Pumpkinhead. Our son seems unconcerned right now. I hope that he handles it well as it comes to pass. Chapin said he will call regularly. We will see…

My worries about my health seem to have been for naught. At least I hope so. I have had a lot of tingling in my right arm but the dizziness has subsided. Still have some nausea, but I think it’s because it is wicked hot here right now!! Working on hydration and vitamins.

In other non-posts, I would love to tell you all about the work I do and how much I am enjoying it. The projects I am working on and the way it allows me to utilize my legal background and my strong administrative skills. I’m really finding it to be a great challenge and am hopeful that I will continue to be able to grow. That said, I’d also love to post about the frustrations I have with certain aspects of my job. But the truth is that there is just no way I can risk it so I won’t. Sigh… :( Too bad, too, because I really have a great position in a field I am loving. It’s a good thing when you enjoy going to work every day. I’m hopeful that the feeling will continue.

The awesome thing is that as much as I love my work, I am also loving life right now. Money woes aside (yep, moving out was an expensive and generally unaffordable option for me), my new place is great. I have roommates who are very easygoing and Pumpkinhead is adjusting well. Currently I drop my son and their daughter off at daycare and one of my roommates picks the kids up. I pick up Pumpkinhead on the way home from work and we spend most evenings over at Mr. V’s house. While they play together on the Wii (usually SpongeBob’s Globs of Doom or Mario Kart), I cook dinner or sometimes we go out. We eat dinner together and then Pumpkinhead usually goes off to play while Mr. V and I continue talking for a half hour or so. It’s great to spend the evenings with someone who actually wants to hear about my day and tell me about his. Mr. V and Pumpkinhead are really hitting it off. Pumpkinhead can’t wait to see him most days and Mr. V seems to really enjoy his company, too. Both of them were super-excited to go see Transformers together today (boy bonding time).

I’m also not posting the nitty gritty details about me and Mr. V. Suffice it to say I am completely enamored. We are very much alike and I have never met someone with whom I have felt so comfortable sharing my needs, desires and dreams. He and I are able to talk frankly about most anything and he gets me on a level that no one has ever gotten me before. It’s kind of trippy because I’m used to being the one in control in a relationship and I feel seriously unsettled and bowled over by this man. In a good and happy way, but also scary because it is unknown and different. I also tend to be impatient. Ana and I have discussed this because we both have this characteristic. When I know what I want, I tend to want it NOW. When I don’t get it, I tend to overthink things. And oddly men always seem to think that women need more time, more space, whatever. Ha. ;)

Finally, I am not blogging about certain injustices. Grr. There’s a time and place for these things. I think that the current state of the economy is bringing out the worst in a lot of people and showing their true integrity. Let’s hope that more of us can remember the Golden Rule and treat others as we would want them to treat us in life, in work and in friendship. And if that doesn’t work, here’s hoping karma kicks the nasty people in their asses.

 

Weekly MILP Roundup #104

28 Jun

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup can be found at Butterflyfish’s place. The Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom and the A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be back here.

 

Cuteness

25 Jun

Ms. Single Mama has been showing off her man so I thought I’d give you all a peek at mine. So without further adieu, here is Mr. V:

Mr. V

Pixel the Pig Dog
Pixel

Raster the Diabetic Cat
Photobucket
(Yes, he has a great sense of humor)

He is currently resurfacing and repainting his pool so we can have a Fourth of July pool party at his house. We’re spending most evenings together making dinner, playing the Wii with Pumpkinhead, talking and cuddling, etc. And like Ms. Single Mama, we have been having our share of pillow talk. Pumpkinhead has started to demand a wedding and babies (yikes!). I suppose I should worry about that but both Mr. V and I are taking things slowly while moving steadily forward and he understands the stakes with my kid and has promised to maintain a relationship with Pumpkinhead even if he and I don’t work out. But I’ve never felt this way before. Amazing! Have I mentioned that I adore this man? Sigh… :-D

There are only four great questions in life:
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for?
What is worth dying for?
The answer to all of them is the same. Only Love
~ Johnny Depp, as Don Juan de Marco

Pool Remodel in Progress
Dirty Cleaner

 

Making the Effort

23 Jun

In this month’s edition of The Atlantic, Sandra Tsing Loh writes about ending her twenty-year marriage and how she feels like marriage is an outdated institution not worth the work that so many years of it require.

“Given my staggering working mother’s to-do list, I cannot take on yet another arduous home- and self-improvement project, that of rekindling our romance. Sobered by this failure as a mother—which is to say, my failure as a wife—I’ve since begun a journey of reading, thinking, and listening to what’s going on in other 21st-century American families. And along the way, I’ve begun to wonder, what with all the abject and swallowed misery: Why do we still insist on marriage? Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children. But now that we have white-collar work and washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isn’t the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?”

Hmm… Well here’s my take on it. Maybe it’s an overly simplistic and romantic take on it, but I think that love is worth the work. That said, I think you have to choose the right partner and that both people have to be on the same page in terms of both understanding that marriage takes work and commit to do the work going in. It’s just too easy to give up. And, as was the case in my marriage, if one partner isn’t willing to do the work, the other can’t keep the boat moving alone. (It also helps if you don’t go into the marriage knowing you’re making a mistake, even on your wedding day.)

That said, how do you “plan”? According to my DivorceCare group therapist, you start with someone you love. Duh. Then you spend some time in premarital counseling talking about all the potential hot topic areas that may come up during marriage – money, sex, work/life balance, vacation choices, childrearing, number of kids, etc. Once you are aware of each other’s opinions and comfortable or willing to compromise, you make a plan for a life together that includes continued compromise, work and adjustment as things change. Flexibility and a willingness to adapt are they key to a strong marriage.

But, and here’s the other thing that the author references, you have to make each other a priority. Have date night. Yes, schedule sex. Meet each other for lunch occasionally. Take the time to send a love note. It’s being taken for granted that makes women, at least, feel like they are lost in a marriage. Appreciate the things you do for each other. Take the time to say thank you and tell the person the types of things you tell others about them. I will never forget the conversation I had with one of Chapin’s coworkers shortly after our divorce. He told me all these amazing things that Chapin said about me at work that he had never said to me. Our marriage was doomed from the start and it wouldn’t have made a difference, but it made me decide that I will always commit to express my feelings daily and directly.

What are your thoughts on this? Is marriage a dead institution? Am I right that it is not only alive and well but worth fighting for? Weigh in.

 
7 Comments

Posted in Dating

 

8 Years…

22 Jun

It has been eight years today since I had my Open Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. I lost 97lbs. I gained numerous health issues, including severe malnutrition, peripheral neuropathy and hypotension. Would I do it again? No. Would I have weight loss surgery again? Yes, probably. But I would go with a restrictive procedure such as the lap band and not a malabsorptive procedure. I was only 100lbs overweight and really didn’t need to go so extreme.

As Melting Mama, my WLS cohort who is suffering from seizures now will tell you, we are at higher risk of kidney stones, but should be restricting our calorie intake while upping protein and lowering carbs, which may lead to kidney stones. Hmmm… And she’s also awesome at explaining how we sometimes screw ourselves over by eating very small bites of CRAP all day long rather than real meals. The crap makes us sick and/or full so there is no room for real meals so we cannot eat properly. Doh! We are also at a higher risk of fractures, especially in our hands and feet. On the plus side, we have HIGHER sex drives!!!” Woo-hoo. :-)

Melting Mama also has a great post on whether obesity should be considered a disability (she says no and I agree). The reality is that even though the gastric bypass itself is responsible for some of my problems, I, too, make choices. I drink a diet soda or coffee (usually one of each per day) when I should be drinking water (although I do drink a ton of water). I should be drinking more protein shakes than I do. I should be better about taking my HUGE calcium horse pills. Generally I eat well but I could be eating more (sounds weird but if I ate 5 small meals a day, my metabolism would work better). I’m in pain and some of my pain is the direct result of my own choices. The other pain is the result of vitamin deficiencies due to a surgeon with no follow-up program and misinformation about the type and frequency of vitamins I should be taking. Instead of taking the two Centrum and two Citracal each day as recommended by my surgeon, I am now taking a Bariatric Advantage multi twice a day plus B12 shots, Iron with Vit. C, four Citracal, dry Vitamin D, and a variety of other pills my homeopathic guy recommended. So I’m pretty much shooting pills all day every day. And I drink a TON of water. Makes it hard to have room for food.

Hence today’s problem. Been dizzy and suffering from vertigo since yesterday. I think it’s low blood sugar or low BP but I’m not sure. I haven’t been able to eat much without feeling a pain in my belly. It was about this time last year that I was in the hospital after tying my stomach in knots so perhaps my belly has muscle memory? LOL. Dunno but it is no fun. Shared a HALF of a turkey sandwich and a cup of soup with Pumpkinhead last night and barely ate the turkey and a few spoonfuls of the soup and felt like I was going to die. Today all my skin is on fire. WTF?!?! :(

So I’m hopeful that this is just a weird WLS anniversary bleechiness/hypoglycemia/low BP yuckiness and not some more new nastiness heading my wa

 
1 Comment

Posted in Health

 

Weekly MILP Roundup #103

22 Jun

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup** is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A Little Fish in Law School, and A New Duck blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be hosted by New Duck.

TrannyHead got sworn in. Watch out!! ;-)

Dakota is receiving pep talk letters from her bar prep company. Who knew they were so warm and fuzzy?

JD Wannabe is pondering life’s important questions

Butterflyfish is waging an inner battle (as I’m sure many tortured Barzam studiers are also)

Andrea and Dan are celebrating a happy four years together. Happy Anniversary, guys! [password-protected blog]

Cee and family made the most hilarious Father’s Day card for her Dad

GoogieBaba needs a hug and some good advice from BTDT lawyers on the difficulties of their own first years in practice. In the meantime, go congratulate her!

New Duck is reflecting on her priorities

ProtoAttorney has her own paralegal prepping her office for her. If only the move was going so smoothly!

Magic Cookie has some very supportive friends!

Certifiable is laughing at her kids. (I do the same thing – we’re so bad!)

Lag Liv’s long days and nights are catching up to her and her body is rebelling.

If you would like to have your blog added to the MILP blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Thanks, But No Thanks

 

Apartment and Life Update

17 Jun

Sorry I have been so absent lately. Illness, moving, inability to blog from work (duh) and closing on a house sale all lend themselves to a perfect storm of non-blogging.

Work has been kicking my butt the past few weeks with competing tasks all due RIGHT NOW. My boss is out of the country and called to chew my ass out for something yesterday. Then he called back 10 minutes later to repeat himself in case I didn’t get it the first time. He was wrong; I was right. Good thing the man is a few thousand miles away right now. Grrr.

Yes, I am fully moved into the new place. Not fully unpacked but getting there. And I found roommates. Yes, roommates. I was looking for one, but I ended up with a couple and their cute 7 year-old daughter. No signs of crazy so far, woot! And the wife bakes. Danger, Will Robinson!!! The man is a general contractor and the woman is an accountant. They have just moved to town and were looking for a short-term lease while he restarts his business and they sell their house out of state. It will be very handy to have him around to help with the house repairs and to do all the icky yard work I wasn’t looking forward to handling (he’s already taken that on like a champ!) :-) Sounds crowded but so far so good. They are very laid back and nice. Their daughter and Pumpkinhead are having fun. Sure, there’s some fighting/competition but nothing the parents can’t handle. I’m also considering switching to the same daycare so I can do dropoff and they can do pickup, which would be a huge help for me.

Speaking of daycare… GRR. Chapin wanted me to use the wife of one of his coworkers. She wants $125/week (actually she wanted $150). She reports to Chapin on EVERYTHING and then I get a call. For example, as soon as I drop off, I get a call asking why I dropped him off so early/late. Or why he wasn’t wearing socks (he refused and I finally stopped fighting). Or why he was in a grouchy mood. For Pete’s Sake!!!! I’m about ready to throttle Chapin.

Closing on the house sale didn’t help. I had to take $6,100 to closing. Yep. No help from Chapin. No discount from the real estate agent who has now received THREE commissions from us in the past three years (purchase, rental and now sale). I’m totally tapped out. Argh.

On a sad note, Shirley the Cool Cat is missing. :( She has a new collar with her name, number and address so I’m hoping she will show up. But it’s two days and counting. I am so sad. Pumpkinhead has also started to ask for her. I am praying nothing bad has happened to her. Oh boy.

This weekend I have to go down to my parents’ house and clean up. They have been calling regularly to find out when I will be doing so. Lovely… I told them this weekend because I’m going to see Blue Eyes on Saturday morning to pick up a bed I’d given him and a washer/dryer set he said I could have (no, not weird – this all came about when I went to pick up the chainsaw and weed whacker I’d left in his garage. And he still owes me money. And we’re both in good/happy places in our lives right now so all is good.)

Speaking which, have I mentioned that I love Mr. V? ;-) Oh yeah!! I’ll love him even more if he follows through and gets me some of these. Tee-hee.

 

Weekly MILP Roundup #102

14 Jun

The Weekly MILP (Moms In the Legal Profession) Roundup can be found at Butterflyfish’s place. The Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, A Little Fish in Law School, and A New Duck blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be back here.

 

Love

11 Jun

Apparently Rachel inspired me. ;) Yeah, I said it. Sigh… Was sitting on the couch the other night staring at him and he looked over and said lovingly, “What’s up? Why are you looking at me?” Couldn’t help myself (and had some beer courage). Grabbed his neck, put my mouth up to his ear and said, “I am totally falling in love with you and it scares the shit out of me!” Guess what? He loves me, too. Grin.

Remember a few months ago when I said I have no doubts, no red flags, no worries? Yep, gets better every day and still not a single “Holy crap, this man is a psycho!” warning signs. As Ms. Single Mama says, “This is just too weird. Feels like a dream and we’re both in it together.”

And, oh yeah, he actually does things to help me out (not a narcissist – woot!) like spending the afternoon at my house waiting for the cable guy or cooking me dinner after a hard day without me having to ask. And when I talk about my job or my family or other issues, he LISTENS! And gives feedback that makes it clear that he has heard and is actually helpful, not obnoxious and forceful “fixing”.

And, oh yeah, he makes my toes curl. Sexy texts aren’t his thing but he knows I like them. Out of the blue yesterday he sent me a sexy text that just made me swoon. :-) He’s romantic in that the sweet things he does are so unexpected and awesome.

I especially like the way he is with Pumpkinhead. And this, of course, is where I have to be most careful. What I like is the way he will text me out of the blue with a really thoughtful suggestion for something we could all do together and it is always something Pumpkinhead will really love but that we will also enjoy so I can tell he actually wants to do it and isn’t just phoning it in. And even though I kept them apart until about three weeks ago, Pumpkinhead has fallen hard for Mr. V, too. He spent a week at his Dad’s house and would always ask about Mr. V when I called. Then he asked today when we could go over so he could play with Mr. V and his dog. When we arrived, he threw his arms around Mr. V and told him he had missed him (yes, all you worriers, this is where I worry about his long-term well-being but my heart says this guy is wonderful and won’t hurt my child). When we left after dinner, Pumpkinhead leaned forward, grabbed my neck and whispered, “Mommy, you need to marry [Mr. V] because I really like him!” Awww.

To be continued…

 

$7 on the 7th

07 Jun

Donate $7 on the 7th

By donating $7.00 to The Liz Logelin Foundation on the 7th of every month, you are helping provide financial assistance to families as they deal with the loss of their loved ones. In light of the country’s current economic crisis, $7 on the 7th is an easy, affordable way to impact the families of widows and widowers in a positive way.

The Liz Logelin Foundation was established to provide financial assistance to young widows and widowers with dependent children.

The following is a list of guidelines for the qualifications of recipients:

* Assistance is available to widows and widowers with dependent children under the age of eighteen who complete a one-time application.
* Eligibility is for a period up to one year (12 months) following the death of parent.
* Applicants must submit the following documentation in support of their applications: birth and death certificates, copies of your most recent 1040 or other tax forms showing dependency of child/children, and any other documents the Board may require. All requests for payments must be supported by appropriate and official documents.
* The amount of support given will be determined by the Foundation’s Board of Trustees.

On March 24, 2008, little Madeline Elizabeth Logelin came into this world.

The next day, her mother left it.

From this impossibly tragic event, a community was born. A community of individuals, united in their desire to help and support Madeline and her father, Matt. This community formed the basis for what would become a worldwide charitable foundation:

The Liz Logelin Foundation – For the Love of Liz.

After the catastrophic loss of his wife, Matt Logelin coped by turning not only to his wonderfully supportive family and friends, but to the internet. He had already begun a casual blog to keep friends and family abreast of Liz’s pregnancy; within 2 weeks of her passing, that blog became what it is today: a place where Matt can share his joys and frustrations, challenges and heartbreaks; where concerned friends, new and old, can meet, talk, laugh, and cry with Matt; and most importantly, where other widows and widowers can offer – and be offered – support and friendship.

So strong and large was the community that spontaneously formed around Matt and Madeline, it seemed not only natural, but necessary to harness the strength of that network and turn it into something – something that could help ease the pain and lighten the load felt by widows and widowers everywhere.