PT-LawMom

A while back, Ms. Single Mama posed the question, would you date yourself? Work in progress though I may be, yes, I would date myself. None of us are perfect and we are constantly changing. I’ve never understood people who wait to have children until everything is “just right” because, really, when is that? So for those of you who can’t really understand why I continue to consider dating rather than just embracing my singleness, please understand that I think that we never know what will come our way and waiting for “the right time” doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I enjoy being partnered and, while I refuse to lose myself the way I have in the past, I think there are definite benefits to having love in your life.

That said, this weekend was an awesome chance to remember the things I love about myself. I had a blast with my friend. She and I are a lot alike. She is the person I think I might have been had I not taken the path I chose. She has a great career, close friends, a funky apartment, sweet cats, etc. I would enjoy living her life. But I think I would be lonely because, again, I like being in a relationship. So I’m going to continue to go to church and meet new friends. I’m going to try some of the activities people mentioned. And if and when I get into a relationship, I WILL NOT allow the person (or myself) to change my participation in those activities. Hopefully I would find a guy who wanted to participate in things with me or who had things I, too, would want to participate in.

So here are the reasons I would date myself:
1. I am smart. I can talk intelligently about a wide variety of topics, write long letters/e-mails and talk on the phone for hours (if I have to – not my favorite thing).
2. I have a great smile.
3. I am very sensual and fun in bed.
4. I like to try new things – different restaurants, new activities, adventures, etc.
5. I have a career I love and can appreciate a man who also loves his career.
6. I do not love to shop, except for books.
7. I have a very quirky sense of humor.
8. I love passionately and with all of my heart.

Working on… insecurity, trusting that all men aren’t cheating bastards who want someone “better”, codependency, etc. But these are all works in progress and I’m getting more confident every day. I’m starting a Boundaries class at church on my lunch hour one day a week and will continue to work on me. In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with meeting new people and having fun.

The awesome Jeff Mac has a great post on guys who aren’t ready to date and the first commenter there sums up where I’m at (or would like to be at) right now – i.e., just meeting new people, having fun, and seeing what is out there.

Comment from Sassy
Time March 25, 2009 at 8:24 am

As someone who was in the dating pool (boyfriend of one year and counting!) of divorced men, I understand this frustration. When I was first divorced and THOUGHT I was ready, I put my toe into the pool, including the internet pool. I dating some great guys, a few I fell for, a few fell for me. Looking back, I probably wasn’t ready (sorry to the guys who were first to get me single), but you have to start somewhere.

I know this is frustrating, but the way I’ve looked at this is some people, on both sides, are “practice” dating. So I slowed stuff down, stopped looking for the BIG romance and CRAZY sex and just relaxed, and enjoyed meeting people and doing new things. In essence took the pressure of having a “long-term” relationship and let things just evolve.

Met the BF in a singles activity group where I went to just meet people and share a few laughs. The best things just sneak up on you.

Great answer, Jeff! Good luck to Not Impressed.