I made it to my destination. Just the 3.5-hour drive from my town to this town was relaxing. I put my headphones on, plugged into my iPod and sang at the top of my lungs. Stopped once for a bottle of water and a latte at Starbucks. Drove slow because I was driving my Dad’s crappy car that was making a weird squealing noise, but it got me here. And I can’t wait until the morning when I get to go see Lag Liv and her cute son!!
The ride up gave me a lot of time to think and reflect. This week we had our last session of my Divorce Recovery class. The psychologists taught us about healthy relationships. They said that we need to come up with a list of Must Haves, which will constantly evolve as we do, and a list of Dealbreakers. We need to be willing to walk away IMMEDIATELY if we see any of the dealbreakers AND if any of the Must Haves are missing. If they are really Must Haves and if we are looking for a long-term relationship that will work, why compromise? That said, again, they did say that the must haves can evolve. But I thought that was interesting.
They gave the example of a man who comes from a family of alcoholics and knows he doesn’t want to date someone with a drinking problem but he goes out on three dates with a woman who drinks to excess before cutting it off. Why does it take him three dates to do that? I went through something similar with Blue Eyes. He had anger issues. Whether he thought it was a problem or not, it was a dealbreaker for me because it was something I had a hard time with in my marriage and with my parents and don’t want to keep dealing with. But despite repeated Red Flags that tied my stomach in knots, I kept going back for more. And it wasn’t until he broke my heart over something completely unrelated to his anger that I was able to take the necessary step to move on. So now I’m praying for the strength to recognize the Must Haves and the Dealbreakers in the future and cut things off sooner, just as my recent date modeled to me when he said, “Thanks but no thanks.”
While the Dealbreaker list is fairly easy for me, it’s the Must Haves that are hard. What are some Must Haves that you would choose? I’m not sure I know… All the ones I can think of are somewht negative and kind of related to the Dealbreakers (i.e., Not Abusive). How do I pick positive ones that are MUSTS versus optional?
