| Several of you have asked what happened on my “romantic” weekend away with Blue Eyes. Long story short, Valentines weekend started off badly and got worse from there, complete with his bitching over having to purchase a $12 bouquet of flowers (Good God, the expense!) and an unsigned card because the Hallmark contents “said it all”. We’d been dating six months and were on different pages. He felt I was giving him everything he wanted and said he could envision a future together. I felt like things were lacking and was communicating my needs but they weren’t being met. In the end, we were just on two different pages. And both of us deserve more. He deserves a partner whose heart will break for him. Mine wasn’t whole to begin with. I deserve someone who will adore and cherish me and do the little things that make me happy without feeling burdened by it.
Blue Eyes would tell you I am insecure and that I blow things out of proportion. He’d be right. I have a huge heart and I tend to lead with it. That means huge feelings throughout the spectrum and liking to know where I stand or at least get a bit of feedback. I would tell you he has anger and maturity issues and that’s a road I’m not willing to travel down again. He wouldn’t admit it but I’m right (any man that pulls his pants down and yells in frustration in the middle of a parking lot in front of his girlfriend and daughters has issues!) He’s also kind and smart and sweet and loving. But the other issues override those. Obviously we both have things to work on but, all that aside, relationships shouldn’t be that hard.
We were out on a boat with Blue Eyes’ brother and his fiance and daughter last weekend when I received a comment for approval basically pointing out that if I put up with bullshit from the men in my life, that is a strong message to Pumpkinhead. That comment slapped me hard. I tried to talk to Blue Eyes about it at the time but he blew me off. The commenter said, “Don’t let [Pumpkinhead] misunderstand what real love is.” He deserves more and, damn it, so do I! So even if it means being single for a long, long time, I am going to focus on not entering into a serious relationship with anyone who can’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. In the meantime, I’d better find a good FWB and get Chapin to actually exercise his visitation so I can have “me” time. 
And work on the damn self-esteem issues. If I don’t love me, no one else will.
Oh my!!!! You are not crazy girl! I would have been speechless had my b.f done that! I am glad P.H did not see any of it. I am sorry that his Valentine was so generic…stopping at a store and announcing it to you. That was very sweet and considerate of you to get his daughter something. I was just thinking that he is setting an example for his daughter of how a man should treat a lady, and that’s not a very good one. Hold your head up, you will be just fine. I suggest you go buy yourself a very nice Valentine gift next year, love you!!!!
Um, yeah, it did. No, I didn’t blog about it. He reads the blog. I was pretty upset about it. We talked about it. He said I was blowing it out of proportion. I was like, “Hell no, even your daughter was shocked!” No, Pumpkinhead didn’t see it. What happened was that we were out for his birthday and we were going bowling afterwards. He had to change into his shorts in the car before we went inside. Suddenly he said he’d left his belt at home and would have to go home. I said, trying to be sympathetic, “Oh, man, that sucks. Are you sure? Can’t you wear your pants?” He walked several feet away from the car and dropped his shorts to the ground. He stood there in his underwear and yelled, “Yes, I’m sure! I can’t bowl in pants. Do you want me to walk around with my shorts around my ankles all night?!?!” He says he didn’t yell at me, he yelled in frustration at the situation. I was completely blown away by that and it was a huge turnoff. We did have a long discussion/fight about his anger and he said that I was taking things too personally, which I do have a tendency to do. I let him convince me I was nuts and I gave him another chance.
But here’s the thing. I’ve been in pain. And I’ve been working insane hours. And I still managed to put thought into his Valentine’s gift. I even mentioned about two weeks ago, “Ooh, I got you a great V-day gift. You’re going to love it.” And he thought that was great. Then he gets in the car on Friday night, sees the little box of chocolates and plant I got for his daughter and says, “Oh. I haven’t done anything for Valentine’s Day.” When I get hurt and upset about that statement, he tells me that I completely twisted his words and jumped to conclusions that the statement meant he wasn’t planning to do anything. So when his daughter got in the car, he said, “Oh, we have to stop at Kroger to get something for [PT-LawMom].” Romantic, right? And it was all downhill from there
Even when we got back to town and I broke it he just never saw it through my eyes. So maybe I am nuts. But I don’t think so. And it doesn’t really matter. Because if I feel bad, that doesn’t make a relationship work. And I’ve done angry. My ex-husband was mean and abusive. Blue Eyes wasn’t ever mean TO me. But his anger/frustration/over-reaction to things was scary and he couldn’t understand that. So onwards and upwards, I suppose…
Tell me the whole yelling with pants down did not happen! Yikes! That would have sent me walking, heck, running, sprinting for that matter. Not signing a card is being a passive aggressive you know what. Be thankful, grateful that you got out of this one before it went on any longer. I still am in shock about the yelling with the pants down. Did you blog about that one? Did it really happen like it sounded? Professional help is in order if it did, did P.H see that?
Great post! I think we’ve all been there; in that kind of unsatisfying relationship and it takes strength to see it and move on. Of course yelling with pants down in the parking lot in front of you and kids would have been enough for me! Sheesh – did that really happen? If so, yes MAJOR issues there. Good riddance.
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Actually, anon, he bitched generally about how damned expensive all the flowers were. He just left the $12 price tag on the flowers he did end up purchasing. They were beautiful and I wouldn’t have cared if he just got me a single stem. It was the bitching about it that just sucked all the romance out.
“I deserve someone who will adore and cherish me and do the little things that make me happy without feeling burdened by it. ”
this is soo true! And don’t ever settle for less!
P.S. I’ve been trying to put your blog on my blogroll but it never seems to work- do you know if there is a trick? I only have a problem with your blog but you show up in other blogrolls-ahhh computers are so frustrating!
Sorry that the relationship didn’t work out but I am so glad you discovered it and were strong enough to end it- I know it’s hard to quit something even when it’s not good for you.
Complaining about $12 he had to spend on flowers, I can’t believe he even told you how much they were. Then, not signing the card, that is just complete and total disrespect. He sounds about as romantic as a wet noodle.
Good for you! It takes a lot of inner strength to make these kind of decisions and to do what is best for your future and your son rather than what is comfortable. That’s the sign of a good mom right there! Pumpkinhead is adorable, btw.
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My mom dated quite a bit when we were young, was engaged temporarily, and we had a couple of her serious boyfriends living with us at one point or another. While Pumpkinhead may have trouble understanding now, or he might even be a little hurt not to have BE around, I promise that kids are remarkably resilient.
Now that I’m grown, I most respect my mom for the times when she stood up for herself and refused to settle for less than she deserved. I think that’s one of the greatest examples you can set for your son and you should be very proud of that.
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Hang in there–sounds like you made a good decision.
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Thanks. I actually haven’t said anything to Pumpkinhead about it. I’m not exactly sure what to say so, as usual, I’m avoiding.
Probably not good. Don’t ask, don’t tell? When he asks, I’ll probably just tell him that Blue Eyes and I are friends but we won’t be spending so much time at his house. I don’t know. This is exactly why I won’t be bringing men home to Pumpkinhead again. Crap.
Sorry, I hope that your son is not too devastated at not having B.E. in his life anymore, hopefully his father will step-up to the plate. It’s probably best to stay single while your son is young, then he won’t be more disappointed when a relationship doesn’t work out. Poor kids end up suffering from adult actions. Sending you love and joy.
I wish you the best and you are right, you really deserve someone who will love you the way you deserve to be. Enjoy your time being single, it means more time for you and Pumpk’.