In pain, I have not been staying true to myself the past month or so. I’ve been doing for everyone else and not for me. When people say jump, I say how high. When I reach out and don’t get back in return, I take it and stuff down the hurt because I don’t have the energy to deal with the drama from confronting the narcissists in my life.

Last night I had to do something I didn’t want to do at a time of the night I didn’t want to do it because I wasn’t able to push back. Then my currently manic father caught me off guard with his new plan to drive me home from work two nights a week and make my mother drive me back to my car the next morning. I waved him off with an “okay, whatever” and went to bed. I was exhausted and hurting and figured we’d deal with it when it happened. Well apparently he meant NOW, as my mother informed me this morning. He called me at 3 to tell me he’d be leaving his work at 4:30. I reminded him that I usually leave work around 5:30. He said he would just come up to my office and hang out.

5:15 comes. I am in major pain at this point. Call to find out where he is and he hasn’t left downtown. Then he gets stuck in traffic. Next thing we know it is 6 p.m. and he is just arriving to pick me up. And he wants to eat…

“I’m hurting and exhausted, Dad. Can’t we just go home?”
“No, I need to eat. Let’s go get something fast and then we can go.”
“Okay, then, how about the mall food court so I can swing by the Apple store quickly and pick up a new cord for my Mac to replace the broken one.”
“Sounds good. It’s only a few blocks away.”

He fought my directions the whole way to the mall, got turned around in the parking garage and kept turning the A/C on (the cold air makes my pain worse). Then when we were done at the Apple store (don’t get me started on that experience), I go to look for the food court and he says all he wants is a Snickers.

“You don’t want to eat?”
“Yes, but all I want is a Snickers.”
“Dad, we could have stopped at a gas station and been home by now for a Snickers. I thought you wanted dinner.”
“I just want a Snickers. Why doesn’t this place have a Snickers? Is it too good to carry a simple Snickers?”

ARGH!?!?!?! It took us another HOUR to get home in traffic, again fighting with the A/C (me turning it to warm, him turning it back to freezing) and him taking us completely out of the way. We arrived home at almost 7:30. So much for fast. And he wants to do this twice a week for “quality time with his girl”. I may just lose my mind…