This week’s roundup is up at One New Duck.
The Weekly MILP (Moms in the Legal Profession) Roundup is the brainchild of Saramel (retired). It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom, One New Duck and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday. Next week’s MILP Roundup will be at A Little Fish in Law School.
Amy Sue Nathan, Chicago Single Mom Examiner, shares an article today on the top ten dating tips for single moms. I thought they were incredibly sensible and wanted to share one here, which I know I found pretty hard in this past relationship
9. Leave when it’s time. One of the more trying moments in a single mother’s life is splitting up with someone her kids care about. I know women who have stayed in iffy relationships “for the kids.” This makes even less sense when you’re not married. Change and loss are part of life, things everyone has to deal with. If a particular bond is really strong, perhaps there’s a way for that adult and child to maintain a connection.
I know Pumpkinhead had really bonded with Blue Eyes. We had moved into that fairly quickly, in part because Chapin had fled the country and my Dad was in the middle of his bipolar downswing when we started dating and in part because a natural disaster had Blue Eyes staying at my house for over a week very early in our relationship (so much for waiting until it’s serious to introduce the kids). There was also the issue of his girls, both of whom I really liked a lot. And I loved his family. It is sooooo much harder to date when there are others involved. I know I’m happy to have been able to maintain a relationship with at least two of my former sister-in-laws but I also know that it comes at the price of them being less close to their brother. 
I encourage them not to take sides and I don’t talk about him with them but it’s human nature, I suppose. Anyway, this list of ten dating tips for single moms is very helpful. Which one do you think is your toughest challenge?
I arrived home at 9 p.m. tonight after a super-long day at work in which I got an awesome bonus (mostly stock, but I won’t complain, especially since after dropping 40 points in six months, it really has nowhere to go but up!) and kudos from my boss, thereby inspiring me to not only work late but bring work home. Sigh… 
Anyway, I had to swing by Chapin’s apartment on the way home to drop off the cell phone my parents bought him (I know 
Really, I know) and borrow the Big Ass Truck (no, still not fucking sold or even for sale – grrr – but I do it to myself). But he wasn’t home. 
I left a note on the door and hightailed it out of ghetto central. His apartment complex is a courtyard style and Friday night is apparently party night because everyone had their doors open, kids racing around and various clashing music blasting. It was lovely, really…*
When I got home, my parents were fighting as usual and Pumpkinhead was parked in front of the TV in the other room playing his Nintendo. Also lovely. So I grabbed him up for a hug and made myself a salad with some grilled chicken, flaxseed and dried cranberries, and went to the bathroom to wash up before bed. Shirley the Cool Cat followed me into the bathroom and jumped in my lap while I tried to pee. I got her down and she meowed angrily at me. Then when I got up to brush my teeth, she did this:
I told Pumpkinhead what she had done and he said, “It’s cause you’re so cuddly, Mama. She just wants to be close to you like I do.” Awww. So now I’m warm and safe in my bed with my cute, cuddly kid and my cute, cuddly cat enjoying my salad and about to hit the hay before the weekend gets crazy. Hope you all have someone sweet to cuddle with tonight.
*Made me wonder if Chapin’s girlfriend is starting to feel like this right about now. Hahaha. (Probably not, because it’s a huge step up from where she came, but still… have I mentioned that it feels sooooooo good to not be married to him anymore?!?!) 
Guess the two water aerobics classes are doing the trick. I had one Vice President at my company, two random male colleagues and four females at my company tell me I looked pretty today (actually the VP said, “You look beautiful today, [PT-LawMom].” His particular position made that a bit of an inappropriate comment but I just grinned and said, “Why, thank you, sir!” and skipped off to enjoy my day. Gotta love compliments! Definitely wearing that particular dress more often!
So it may be hard to understand but Chapin and I have pretty much settled into a cordial relationship where we talk when we have to (usually about Pumpkinhead or the house/taxes/misc. leftover joint stuff) and otherwise we don’t talk. I’m kind to him; he’s kind to me and neither of us badmouth the other in front of our child. We both feel that our son needs to feel like his parents can get along and that is the most important thing.
However, neither one of us really enjoys going to the other person’s place. Chapin doesn’t like coming over to pick up Pumpkinhead and I don’t really like going to his apartment. Chapin has Pumpkinhead every Wednesday evening while I go to my divorce support group at a local church. That was working out fine for a few weeks and then Chapin’s cell phone got cut off when he stopped paying the bill. Where before I would just call him and he would bring Pumpkinhead out to the car, now I have to go up and knock on the door. 
So tonight we spent the evening talking about forgiveness at my divorce group. The focus is on how, through forgiving our spouse or choosing to let some things go, we are really freeing ourselves from bitterness and anger and choosing to move forward with our lives. I like that. One woman said she had no desire whatsoever to talk to her ex; however, he left when her daughter was just days old. Her daughter doesn’t know any different. I told her that my son knows how we were before and that if I was just to cut off all communication with my ex, that would alienate my son more than anyone. Even if we didn’t say anything to him, he would probably feel like he had to pick a side. So I am kind to Chapin and I at least nod and grimace/smile in the general direction of his girlfriend. Hell, my Mom’s a southern gal. She raised me with manners if nothing else.
Tonight, however, those manners were seriously put to the test when I knocked on the door to pick up my son. The door swung open and my ex-husband was standing there in his underwear and a t-shirt. Fine, nothing I haven’t seen before. But his (live-in) girlfriend was laying on the couch under a blanket wearing nothing but a wifebeater. Geez. They knew I was coming. Our son was asleep in the next room. Couldn’t they have held off for a bit longer? VOMIT. To make it worse, it was the same couch we made love on for years while our co-sleeping son slept peacefully in our bed (hey, you have to get creative when you co-sleep). So that made it doubly icky. Could have lived without that mental image, thank you very much!!!
Oh well. As long as my kid is happy and my ex is spending time with him, I could really give a shit what he does. But I’ll be crossing my fingers that he gets his cell phone re-activated soon so that we can avoid any similar scenes. Not sure my poor wittle brain can take it. 
My friend, T, has been encouraging me to see a naturopath for a while now. Her and my friend, Rachel. And my former massage therapist, Lizabeth. Okay, fine, I’m stubborn.
Well tonight I got over myself and went to see a doctor recommended by my current massage therapist. I really enjoyed talking to him, although it was a bit overwhelming to update my pain history sheet (now three single-spaced pages), surgical history (now a 1.5-page chart) and family medical history (adding additional death and disease). He basically confirmed what I already knew, which is that my immune system is in the toilet and that I need to build it back up to help me deal with the immune system/adrenal response to stress which causes my illness(es) to flare. What I like about him is that he is a complementary medicine specialist and wasn’t rushing in to tell me how my doctors don’t know anything or how I need to immediately stop the medication I’m on. Instead, he will introduce several supplements at a time over several months along with a whole foods meal plan to help me get the nutritional support I need to address the deficiencies I have and see how that helps.
First off, Cod Liver Oil (ew!) with extra Vit. D — 1 Tbsp 2x/day to provide Omega 3s and assist with my digestive process. Also bile salts to compensate for the lack of a gall bladder/intrinsic factor and to aid in digestion (one with each meal). An organic plant-based multivitamin to add alongside my current multivitamin (once a day) and these special plant enzymes to that fight pain (once an hour for 72 hours to see how my pain improves). I like that he uses a quality supplement provider, Standard Process, with a long history rather than a new, fly-by-night outfit (makes me feel more secure that he knows what he’s doing). I’m going back on Monday and we will talk about modifications to my diet and additional supplementation. I have to pee on a Ph stick every morning to test my levels (calcium?) and keep a food diary (blah). I’m up for it. I can’t sit around and complain about the pain and not try to do something about it. I’ll keep you all posted on the results.
This is not another post about my vibrator. Okay, you can stop sighing in relief. Nope, this post is about self-image. I’m such a weirdo when it comes to that. You know what’s strange? I don’t have an issue with my looks. Lose 100lbs and then watch your body change through pregnancy and see a beautiful child come out of you and see if you give a shit what people think about how you look (I now truly understand that song “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman“). I do feel inadequate in certain ways (am I good enough, lovable enough, sexual enough, smart enough, etc.), but, perhaps oddly, looks usually aren’t one of those areas. Hell, I spend too much time staring at myself naked in the mirror marveling over the fact that I actually have curves (as opposed to straight up and down), that my breasts, though small, are so much fuller than before I had [My Son], and that I have beautiful shoulders and collarbone area (love it!). Hey, I have plenty to complain about. My looks are the least of my worries. So tonight I had to giggle a bit at the look on my doc’s face when I ragged on him for a remark about my looks.
We were talking about my ex-husband’s infidelity and the impact on my health (stress, STD, etc.). The doctor says, “Well in addition to your physical health, you need to take care of your emotional stuff. Cause you probably think something was wrong with you. Like you weren’t pretty enough or enough for him or whatever.” I just looked at him and said, “Are you calling me fat and ugly, doc?” You should have seen his face. He stepped back into the corner of the room and was like, “Um, no, not at all. Um, that’s not what I meant. Um, I just meant, well, that you must be feeling down.” Then he saw me grinning and he laughed, too. I said, “I was just playing with you, man.” He laughed and said, “That’s okay. I can take it.”
Several of you have asked what happened on my “romantic” weekend away with Blue Eyes. Long story short, Valentines weekend started off badly and got worse from there, complete with his bitching over having to purchase a $12 bouquet of flowers (Good God, the expense!) and an unsigned card because the Hallmark contents “said it all”. We’d been dating six months and were on different pages. He felt I was giving him everything he wanted and said he could envision a future together. I felt like things were lacking and was communicating my needs but they weren’t being met. In the end, we were just on two different pages. And both of us deserve more. He deserves a partner whose heart will break for him. Mine wasn’t whole to begin with. I deserve someone who will adore and cherish me and do the little things that make me happy without feeling burdened by it.
Blue Eyes would tell you I am insecure and that I blow things out of proportion. He’d be right. I have a huge heart and I tend to lead with it. That means huge feelings throughout the spectrum and liking to know where I stand or at least get a bit of feedback. I would tell you he has anger and maturity issues and that’s a road I’m not willing to travel down again. He wouldn’t admit it but I’m right (any man that pulls his pants down and yells in frustration in the middle of a parking lot in front of his girlfriend and daughters has issues!) He’s also kind and smart and sweet and loving. But the other issues override those. Obviously we both have things to work on but, all that aside, relationships shouldn’t be that hard.
We were out on a boat with Blue Eyes’ brother and his fiance and daughter last weekend when I received a comment for approval basically pointing out that if I put up with bullshit from the men in my life, that is a strong message to Pumpkinhead. That comment slapped me hard. I tried to talk to Blue Eyes about it at the time but he blew me off. The commenter said, “Don’t let [Pumpkinhead] misunderstand what real love is.” He deserves more and, damn it, so do I! So even if it means being single for a long, long time, I am going to focus on not entering into a serious relationship with anyone who can’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. In the meantime, I’d better find a good FWB and get Chapin to actually exercise his visitation so I can have “me” time. And work on the damn self-esteem issues. If I don’t love me, no one else will.
Sunday Stealing: The Stolen Sex Meme
In honor of my recent breakup with Blue Eyes, I though this week’s Sunday Stealing meme was especially appropriate. May as well remember what I liked about sex while it’s somewhat fresh in my mind.
1. Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Sure, better to have sex with a friend than a stranger.
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night? Anytime is a good time, but I prefer morning or afternoon because it tends to energize me rather than wear me out.
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Left
4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? Not unless you count strip poker. Although I do think I was offered some money freshman year in college to put them back on after one particularly bad night streaking across campus in lingerie with my suitemate.
5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath? Yes
6. Do you watch/read pornography? Yes, but apparently this makes me an odd girl.
7. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? Both. Aggressive at the right times; passive at the right times.
8. Do you love someone on your blogroll? No
9. Would you choose love or money? Love, hands down.
10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed? That’s for me to know and the men who sleep with me to find out.
11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually? Yes, I was raped when I was a teenager.
12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex? Under the stars
13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? Up against the back of an outhouse in the middle of a field surrounded by pigs and cows (ties for weirdest with the middle of a public park in DC surrounded by homeless men on park benches and random strangers on the nearby streets).
14. Have you ever been caught having sex? Not unless you count the homeless guys in the park in DC. But they didn’t really “catch” us.
15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex? No. I’ve only ever had sex with people I know.
16. Ever been picked up in a bar? Nope. 
Guess I need to get out there, huh?
17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? My girlfriends and I all kissed each other when we were about 8 to see what a kiss felt like. It was weird and waaayyy too much teeth. That is all.
18. Had sex in a movie theater? Define sex…
20. Had sex in a bathroom? Yes
21. Have you ever had sex at work? No, but it’s a fantasy. Probably never would actually do it though.
22. Bought something from an adult store? Um,
hell yeah
23. Do you own any sex toys?
See #22
24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film? Yes to pics; no to film. But I have many, many more of them. TMI – Getting men to send you pictures of themselves naked or hop on a webcam is surprisingly easy.
25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name? Yes. 
I once called my ex-husband my son’s name during sex but it was totally innocuous and related to him jabbing me with his elbow. Knee-jerk reaction.
26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse? Yes, it is very intimate.
27. What’s your favorite sexual position? Again, that’s between me and the people I sleep with.
28. What’s your favorite sex act? Again, that’s between me and the people I sleep with.
29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time? No.
30. How many Sunday Stealing players do you think will not post this meme this week? A lot! People are surprisingly prudish about these things.
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