Chapin called today to set up a time to meet on Saturday and go to Sprint to split our cell phones. We also still need to split insurance and he needs to give me the darn truck to sell. Anyway, he called and said, “I have a big favor to ask. Can I borrow $200?” I said, “For what?” He replied, “I need to pay some guys who are doing work down in Guatemala.” I said, “No.” Then he got mad and started to bitch about his taxes as a single person, high child support, etc. Finally he said, “Well I’m just going to go back to Guatemala then. My girlfriend isn’t handling living with my mother and I need to pay the guys so they will finish the house quickly so she can get out.” I told him he had some serious Cojones to even think of asking me to lend him money to help finance his relationship with a 14 year-old!!! And I said, “Fine, go back, but say goodbye to your child before you leave this time.” And we left it at that. What a dick. How could I have stayed with him so long?!?!
Oh, and his citizenship was officially denied. They rejected his appeal so he is stuck with residency until and unless they choose to deport him for “bad moral character.” They probably won’t and he will probably never apply for citizenship again. Oh well, at least he got something out of our eight-year marriage since, what with his cheating and high use of porn (found the big stash of
Busty Latina Babe DVDs as I was cleaning out the house), I apparently wasn’t enough for him.
Then tonight I went to the movies with Blue Eyes. That was fun and we had a good evening. Then he said something that bummed me out. It wasn’t intentional but I suddenly felt like crying. Welcome to my world. I live on a constant rollercoaster of emotion. My DivorceCare group sends a daily e-mail and today’s said this:
“I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart” (Romans 9:2).
One symptom of depression is a profound and sometimes overwhelming sense of sadness in your life.
“There’s an emptiness in you. You feel like a big hole has suddenly developed in the center of your being. Persistent sadness is there all the time,” says Dr. Archibald Hart.
Cindy says, “If I opened my mouth, I would start sobbing because I was so sad. I had lost a tremendous amount of weight. My hair fell out by the handfuls. Sadness had taken over my whole being.”
Cindy and I are sooooo in the same place right now. Up, down, up, down.