Done

My brother called at like 2 p.m. and said, “Did you hear about your nephew?” My heart sank, “What?” He said, “He is in the ER with a collapsed lung.” THAT IS IT, WORLD. I take the message. I am done. Finito. Over.

The Very Wise Ms. ProtoAttorney (and others before her, but now I’m ready to listen) said to me today:

Is taking some time off of law school an option? I know you probably just want to be done and get it over with and move on, but sometimes just simplifying and cutting everything unessential to survival is the best thing you can for yourself. A few years back, I had a pretty shitty year (not your level of shitty year), and as much as I hated to do it, I took a semester off school, saved some money, did some soul-searching, and it put my head and heart back in the game. Maybe you need an opportunity to hang with Blue Eyes, spend time with other friends, splurge on a spa day, etc. Defer those loans for hardship reasons, I bet you could get it.

Gonna do it. Have an appointment with my neurologist on December 1, so sometime before that I will head over to the Dean’s office and get the medical absence paperwork. I am going to give myself (and Pumpkinhead) the break we deserve and help him through this first Kindergarten year and have a fun summer, complete with beach trips and vacations. I’m going to read books for pleasure, go to the gym (!!) and keep trying to get my head and heart on straight with the help of my therapist and DivorceCare groups.

My friend, Fred, told me this morning that when you feel like the walls are going up all around you and you can’t climb out of the bottomless pit, you should reframe it as God surrounding you with a padded room (haha) to keep you safe in your fragile state and show you that you need a break. So I am going to listen, finally, and take a break to spend time with me. And if I can spend more time focusing on my increasingly super-busy job, all the better. I really, really love it and hate being pulled in so many directions right now.

It’s 8 p.m. Pumpkinhead and I skipped the school event and picked up pizza, a movie and Nintendo game for him, and a movie for me. I’ve taken yet another anti-anxiety pill to try to calm my nerves. Now I am in bed and I am going to relax and BREATHE.

13 thoughts on “Done

  1. So glad to hear that you’re considering this option. I feel so bad that you have to go through all this at once. As flip as it sounds, this too will pass.

  2. Wow…what a terrible year. But I concur with everyone – a woman who had any less strength wouldn’t have gotten through half of it.

    Taking time off may be the best thing for you and Pumpkinhead. You’ve gotten through everything so far, and I have faith that you have the strength to get through all of this new crap that’s been dumped on you!

  3. Good grief – I’m just browsing through your older posts. What a shit festival.

    Anyway, I hope you can take some time off if that’s what you need to do and that stuff improves for you. ASAP.

  4. wow, something else to add to your struggles? you are so strong to have made it through everything so far. I have faith you’ll make the right decision for you regarding all that comes next. your blog readers are rooting for you!

  5. I made the decision to put school on hold this semester and it’s one of the best choices I have made. My daughter also started Kindergarten this year and it has given me the opportunity to really be there for her as she adjusts.

    It’s hard to take a step back, but once you’ve done it you’ll be glad.

  6. I think taking some time off from school is sooo smart. I did it in art school after some stuff had gone down and I had lost my dad very unexpectedly. It really helped ease the pressure and gave me space to breathe in. I hope it will do the same for you.

  7. *** Hugs ***

    Taking time off might just be what the universe ordered. Whatever you decide to do I hope things start looking up for you, we’re all rooting for you and we know you’ll come out of this dark phase even stronger and better than before it all started to rain.

  8. Sounds like a wise move. You have so many stressors that are out of control. This is something that you can control and that will lift a huge burden until everything else settles down a little.

  9. You need room to breathe – law school is not helpful when you’re in the middle of real life stress. I know it must have been a difficult call, but I’m sure you’ll be a less stressed person for it.

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