Barely breathing, but not dead

I told Chapin to bring me the truck and leave it here so I can sell it. We owe $29k and it is worth about $24k. The credit union said that he can pay the balance off over time but, regardless of the court order, we are both on the hook until it is paid off. I walked out of the credit union, made it two steps and threw up in a garbage can. Blue Eyes wants to know why I haven’t shopped around for cheap, non-insurance-covered glass to replace my passenger-side window. It’s the constant desire to throw up and the overwhelming pain in my body from all this stress that is why. I HAVE TO believe that if I can just make it through the next few weeks, finish school and deal with all of this, my path will change. I turn 30 on December 28 and by then I WILL start to have a happier, more peaceful life!

Another day has almost come and gone
I can’t imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war

‘Cause tomorrows another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing – but I’m not dead

4 thoughts on “Barely breathing, but not dead

  1. PT, I’m so sorry about all this shit in your life right now, there is no one less deserving. I am glad about your decision to take a “pause” law school and just (Just- ha, yeah right) focus on being a full-time single parent going through way more personal stuff than anyone should have to deal with. You are obviously an incredibly strong woman, I hope that you stop needing that strength quite so much.

  2. It sounds like life is throwing you some challenges right now — and look at you standing on your feet, even if you’re wobbly.

    This, too, shall pass. Really.

    If there’s anyway that you can ask for help, this is the time! Someone out there is just waiting to say “yes.” All you need to do is ask.

    Big hug.

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