I hit a wall today. Last week while I was out of town for work, Pumpkinhead kept having tearful meltdowns at school and his teacher called my mother TWICE to suggest that we “adjust his meds”. Um, those would be the same meds he had just started a few days before. Sheesh!!

Also, work was insane while I was out of town so I was doing double duty between handling the meetings and the office. I love my job but I work for a boss who seems incapable of giving positive feedback. I understand he has a lot of pressure on him for a variety of reasons but I just can’t seem to do anything right in his eyes. He always finds the tiniest thing and says things like, “I would have expected you to do ____” or “I am disappointed that you didn’t catch ____”. WTF?!?

So today, after weeks of busting my ass at work and trying to juggle classes, Pumpkinhead’s drama, crap from my DivorceCare group about how I can’t heal properly unless I am single and lonely, and many other things, I finally melted down. I went to my first therapy appointment in three weeks only to find the doors locked. I burst into tears and didn’t stop all day. Turns out my appointment was at noon, not 11. Fortunately my therapist called me at 11:30 and I made it back for a half hour of weeping and wailing with her before I had to leave to jump on a conference call with my boss.

I left work at 3:30, bypassed school and went straight home. Met Blue Eyes and cried on his shoulder about how he should just walk away now because I’m totally broken, because everyone tells me I need to be alone and because he’s just going to get hurt by the “bad place” I’m in. He just gave me a big hug, told me that he can take care of himself and told me that, having been through bad breakups himself in the past, he thinks going through them with someone is 10,000 times better than going through them alone. And why be a martyr? He also said that I over-analyze/worry/try to plan way too much. Duh. And that I needed to go home, get a good night’s sleep and start hitting the books tomorrow before I flunk out of law school thanks to my super-funk. Have I mentioned that he is one of the most sensible, sweet and awesome guys ever? New rule: Don’t fall for someone unless they are willing to catch you.

I went to my masseuse and spent an hour letting him work the kinks out of my back and try to get the angry nerves in my arms and legs to calm down. Then I drove home, washed my face and went straight to bed. I’ve taken a Buspar (like Xanax) and am about to hit the hay and try to wake up and start all over again tomorrow. Hopefully I will be off this up and down emotional ride soon.