PT-LawMom

My DivorceCare group tells us to adjust our expectations of what our ex-husbands/co-parents should be doing in relationship to our children and in dealing with us so that reality isn’t as harsh and disappointing. As Jeff Mac would tell you, if what a man says and what he does are different, ALWAYS ignore what he says.

My favorite new bloggess, T, sent me over to Manslations today to check out the hilarious advice column written by Jeff Mac. This one, about the imbalance between male and female expectations and understandings was my favorite. Chapin never did understand why a girl likes flowers, an unexpected gift or a sexy midday e-mail. He always bitched that flowers were too expensive (not realizing that a garden pansy would have been just as romantic) and that he didn’t know my work address, where to get them from, etc. Of course, when I said I was divorcing him, he figured it out quick…. Hmmm. He was also the kind of guy who would either make me give him a list of exactly what I wanted for Christmas/birthdays or who would get me something he thought I would like (which, in his world, meant a stuffed animal with fake plastic flowers and some music inside or some nickel-laden earrings that gave me a plague-like rash). I would always open the box and graciously thank him but inside my heart would sink and I would think, “Am I invisible? Doesn’t he see who I am and what I want?” I won’t even start on his inability/refusal to learn to use a computer or pick up a pencil to even write “I love you” except on days it was mandated (birthday, valentines, etc.).

Reading this column made me wonder how many arguments I could have avoided with Chapin if I’d just looked at him like an alien. Even though, yes, I knew that men are from another planet, it’s easy to forget that they don’t have the built in female ESP. Wouldn’t life be easier if men were mind readers? If you ever watch women interact, we have an understanding, an easy give-and-take, a sense of the order of things. Men seem to have this with each other as well but put the sexes together and we’re like toddlers fumbling around in a cluttered toy room. I wonder if gay couples experience the same problems or if it’s a bit easier to get into that easy rhythm with someone of the same sex. Googie? Dakota? I’m not asking because I’m planning to switch teams, but this article made me wonder about how to change my perspective as I deal with men in the future in relationships, at work and in life generally.