PT-LawMom

I’ve talked about blogger anonymity in the past but a classmate encouraged me to speak about it again after I fake-hid from him in the hallway knowing from my stat checker that he’d read a certain post the night before. [For the record, he said he found the post entertaining. Hey, it's a public service, man - meant to be educational, not funny.] Luke’s posts on anonymity (well, all of his posts really) are much more thought-provoking and well-researched than anything I could come up with right now. After five years of motherhood, a year on brain-altering anti-convulsants and in the midst of the work/law school/single parenthood rollercoaster, my ability to speak eloquently on any topic is somewhat impaired (hence my complete silence in class these days).

Therefore, I am going to steal a few lines from one of my new drinking buddies: “I will continue to blog because I almost feel like it’s something I have to stand up for in the same way that I insist on wearing pants. Whenever I hear a woman attorney tell me the importance of buying into sexism and wearing a skirt to interviews I think, “Wow. If all women thought the way you did, we would have never gained the vote or been able to enter the workforce.”

I’m not a complete revolutionary over here. I can follow direction and do quite well in a professional environment. I don’t think I will ever be able to be a lemming though and I’d rather be at the beginning of change then catching up at the end.”

I agree with Ana. I come from the first country to give women the vote. I was raised by parents who taught me that my opinion mattered and that I should speak my mind no matter what others think. (In reality, I’ve learned that I DO need to think before I speak sometimes – LOL). I’ve always been an “out there” kind of girl. I’ve been in the Washington Post three times talking about topics from working motherhood to healthcare to gentrification. I’ve written embarrassing (to me) short stories and poems. I started a gay/straight alliance club in the middle of my preppy upper-class high school. God knows I’m outspoken, as do my parents. Would I want my boss to read my blog? Eh, probably not. But there are many, many sides to me and I am not ashamed of who I am, what I do or what I write. I do have a few “private” or “password-protected” posts but those are posts I wrote late at night or in the middle of a funk that have to do with my family members or a very sensitive, personal topic that I realized I just wasn’t willing to share with the world but also was not willing to delete.

Through my blog (and other online outlets), I have met some amazing people I would never have otherwise had the opportunity to know. But more than anything, the blog is an outlet for me to better know myself. Ever since my divorce, I’ve been trying exceptionally hard to be honest with the people in my life, hence the even more direct posts and the fact that I told Blue Eyes about my blog (Hi Cutie!). I don’t usually tell people about it but, like most things in my life, I wouldn’t lie about it if someone asked me. I do adhere to Luke’s Rule: “Don’t say something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t tell them to their face.” That is why you will rarely read me talking about my classmates or class in general. Nor do I plainly identify my school, although I have been much more open about my location as of late. [See Disclaimer]

I have always believed in, and will continue to, naively perhaps, believe in the basic good of humankind and trust that, in this day of more open communication about people’s lives, my classmates will respect my blogging as long as I don’t talk about them. The only reason they would have to smear me over it would be some desire to drag me down and, believe me, I’ve already hit rock bottom this year. Nowhere to go but up now. You’d think after years of being the picked-on fat kid, I’d know that some people are just mean for the sake of being mean, but I really believe that meanness stems from insecurity. And even when the kids picked on me growing up, I just smiled sweetly and continued to work hard. I have family that loves me, a job I enjoy and friends I treasure. That’s all that really matters.