PT-LawMom

Busted?

With all the crapola that has happened in the last year, I am pretty much expecting that classmates are reading my blog now and I’m soon to be exposed. The hits from my particular town and surrounding areas are up. And, unfortunately, with my recent absence from class it would be very, very easy for someone to tie it all together (especially after one of the three people I told shared my location with the class even after I begged her not to!). That and when I come back in the fall with a different last name, that will be yet another clue in the puzzle.

When I made the ABA Journal, I decided to tell my study partner since I couldn’t tell my parents, friends, etc. I thought she’d think it was neat. She was like, “Whatever” and as far as I know has never read. Geez. She’s just like that, though. Then there are two people at my school who I am certain know who I am (because I told them) and both of them are bloggers. One is completely eponymous and the other is anonymous to the point of fictionalizing (not like that’s a huge clue or anything). I went into this about 18 months ago with no intention of being so revealing about my life. I also intended to write more about law school. But what I realized is that 1) I can’t really be anonymous and write about what happens in class without inviting debate and criticism from classmates who recognize themselves in the post and 2) if I blog honestly about the challenges I’m facing while working, raising a child and attending school, that could help someone. That said, I never expected so many things to go wrong this year. I have censored some details and sometimes changed identifying info of people I mention but I’m at the point where it would be easy-peasy for anyone I attend class with to figure out who I am.

It would almost be easier if I was uncovered because then I *could* blog more about school, but then I don’t think I could really face people IRL and “talk” the same way I can with commenters. It’s funny. The eponymous blogger at my school and I see each other fairly regularly and I’m certain I’ve started to blush lately when I see that person because I think, “Oh shit, what did I say several posts ago that is wicked embarrassing?” Still, that person is also very busy with little time to read my blog so I can delude myself into thinking that the person is just skimming or rarely visiting. Not sure I could be in such denial if I actually knew for certain more people were reading. And I also delude myself into thinking this is more of a diary or Mommy/Wife blog than a Blawg. Ha! I do avoid talking specifics about work because I’m not stupid enough to delude myself into thinking I could avoid termination or sanctions if discovered. I know some people hate the whole “work club” thing but, especially in this economy, people need to cover their butts.

The whole anonymity issue has come up on many law student blogs. What do you guys think? I know that some law student blogs I read are pretty vanilla in that they skimp SO MUCH on details that it’s almost disappointing. Then others go way out there only to be busted and delete their blog. How did you decide? What do you think about the issue? And if you are one of my classmates reading this and have some thoughts, don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail. You know who I am.

P.S. One unexpected and pleasant side effect of law student blogging is that many of the MILP bloggers freely share their identities offline and many of us are networked through e-mail and networking sites. It’s helpful to be able to expand on or seek additional advice from people when you can share more details. I’ve found a lot of support and wonderful women through my blog.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 at 9:47 pm and is filed under Blogging . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

12 Responses to “Busted?”

Angie C. Says:
July 1st, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I have been checking out your blog for the past few weeks and I want to tell you that I really admire the way you are handling everything that you have on your plate. I also respect the way you put yourself out there and if you get support and encouragement from your blog, more power to you!!
New Duck Says:
July 1st, 2008 at 11:42 pm
I cover my identity only to the point where a casual googler couldn’t connect my name with my blog. All of my friends know I blog, but my parents don’t. And that’s only because I’d feel constrained if I knew my parents were reading. As far as employers, I’ve done so many scandalous (although never illegal) things in my life that if an employer was willing to fire me over my blog, they’d have half a dozen better things to fire me over.

That said, I’ve blogged from the beginning with the knowledge that my friends, acquaintances, classmates and possibly even enemies are reading. If my blog was totally anonymous, I would have written different things, and I’d live in fear of being discovered. I believe that people can use secrets against you, but if your “secret” is already public knowledge, anyone who tries to hurt you by airing that information ends up looking like an idiot. I’ve been forced to take this approach because of the highly unorthodox choices I’ve made in my life, none of which I’m ashamed of, but many of which are highly inflamatory.

This probably doesn’t answer your question, but that’s my take on it.
New Kid on the Hallway Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:48 am
I’ve been blogging pseudonymously for a while now. I started writing under a pseudonym because that was what the bloggers I read did, and I wanted to be one of the cool kids! I stayed pseudonymous in my former job (college professor) because while I’m proud of my blog, I don’t consider it “scholarly work” and so I didn’t want people who google me (for jobs or whatnot) to find it and associate it with my professional persona. But like you with the MILPs, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people and networked in my former profession through blogging, and we share identities offline as well.

I don’t know what it’s going to be like once I start school this fall - my usual rule of thumb is that I don’t say anything on the blog that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face, so I probably won’t be blogging much along the lines of “If Fellow Student X raises their hand in class one more time I’m going to scream” or “Prof X is so amazingly obtuse I can’t believe it” (I have a friends-only LJ for such things!). My intent at the moment is to blog about what it’s like to change careers and go back to school at age X (where X=way older than most law students!), for the reasons you mention, that someone might find it useful - and if nothing else, I’ll find it useful, because I find it helpful to analyze things to death and blogging lets me do that.

My boss at my last job read my blog (before hiring me), and when I started the job it was weird because I’d say something to her and think, “Crap, I said that on my blog! She knows that already!” It made me feel really boring, like I had nothing else to talk about but what I’d put on the blog! But actually, she stopped reading it on her own while I worked there, because she didn’t want to be “creepy stalker boss,” which was really nice.
Law Ingenue Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:50 am
I think it’s very brave that you are able to share some personal information while still being anonymous. You are an example to other bloggers on how you open yourself up (figuratively and literally - considering the posts on your operation). You inspire me with your frankness and it makes me feel as if I am not so alone in my struggles with being a woman while being in law school.
Proto Attorney Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 am
I don’t really care if anyone I know in the real world finds my blog, several of my friends have. I try to make it a point not to badmouth anyone (or at least not anyone I would care to hurt their feelings… i.e. my last law firm can SUCK IT). Actually, I know at least one person from my school found my blog, but only realized it was me because of a picture containing our school logo (oops). But I’m pretty sure that most of the people who read my blog are parents in law school/in the legal profession, not my 23-year-old single classmates staying in the law library til midnight.

I made the blog anonymous because what I had to write about didn’t matter who I was personally, what I looked like, what my name is, even the city I live in, etc., and again, I didn’t want the blog to come up in a google search of my name either. I started the blog to tell about my experiences of having a baby in law school, good and bad. I think I’ve done that without making the blog “about” me personally, although sometimes it becomes very personal. It’s possible to still be introspective without full disclosure, I believe.

Don’t worry about the people at your school. Who cares what they think? If they’re interested enough to read your blog, likely they are interested about your life and what you’re going through, not looking to see if you’ve bad mouthed any of them. And if they are, you should probably be bad mouthing them.
five tomatoes Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I got busted when I was putting it out there (to the extent that I called one of my classmates a supergunnerdouche!) and ended up deleting the whole thing. I went to law school with the lawbitches and I think they had the same problem that you are having.
Tranny Head Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I’m one of the “vague for the purpose of google searches” and yet “approachable off-line” types. I just don’t want somebody to google my name and come up with my blog - other than that, I don’t care who knows I can’t stand ‘em!
LL Says:
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:53 am
I’m definitely only google anonymous and that has worked out well for me. I used my real law school’s name because when I was looking at schools I really wished I could talk to a current student there and now I’ve been able to help a few people deciding on schools. I also don’t really understand why people hide their schools when they share so much else, but everyone sets their own limits.

As far as my classmates goes, probably about half my class was checking in every day during the DCFS stuff. It felt wonderful to have their support. It was a little weird to come back to school knowing they’d read such emotional posts written at my worst, but I only received incredibly supportive feedback and comments or no comments at all. Most people seem to inherently respect a division between your blog and yourself in person. One guy at one point said, “I’m not sure if it’s okay to talk to you about a post in person, if there’s a line or anything, but that post the other day was hilarious.” I laughed because he seemed so genuinely concerned with not “breaching” any sort of blogger rules. Everyone was very respectful and I never worried about how much they knew about me.

As far as work goes, as long as neither me nor my firm will not show up in a google search, I’m not worried about it either. Of course I’m not going to describe my assignments in detail or mention anything about a client, but I think some people go way overboard in the no talking about work thing - to the point where you’d read their blog and have no idea they even have a job. I’d like to continue my blog to talk about balancing a Big Law career and family and mentioning work and hours and things like that will be an essential part of it.

So, to sum up this very long comment I should probably go up and edit, I have been very “out there” with my personal stories and I have had absolutely no reason to regret it. I’m not worried about my employer “finding” me and even if they did, I’m not sure why they’d care that I have a public forum to talk about motherhood. The feedback I’ve received from sharing more of myself during difficult times has been more than worth any discomfort that comes from knowing my classmates know more about me than they probably should.
Laurie Says:
July 4th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I do it anonymously and, at least to my knowledge, no one has really caught on. But I don’t know if I get very many hits either.

I really admire your willingness to discuss what is going on in your life. It has helped me a lot, knowing that you are out there. You are really strong and provide a wonderful example!

Thanks for blogging!
Cee Says:
July 6th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Why could you only tell your study partner about the ABA? Congrats on that!

I think people should blog about their experiences in law school in as much detail as they are comfortable with. Personally, a law school blog without much detail is hard to relate to. People should feel comfortable to open up on blogs- it’s a great forum to do so. But I think it is important to take some steps to protect yourself - so far I haven’t had any problems. I bet if a classmate found my blog they might be able to figure out who I was but I’m not very active on campus to begin with so not many people really know me.

Nice discussion topic though!
butterflyfish Says:
July 6th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Ummm… I had pretty much the same thing happen as five tomatoes. Butterflyfish is my second blog. More self-censored, less funny, but there is very litte there I wouldn’t mind my 23 year old classmates reading… and because of that, they don’t anymore
shell Says:
July 6th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’d say just leave it be (i.e., neither confirm nor deny). Maybe a few people might recognize the blog, but you’re in the part-time division, so the number of people will probably be small. The only concern I have about coming out in open is the soon-to-be-ex-spouse tracking down the blog. Sorry, not meaning to make you feel paranoid, although as a practical approach, I would not make it any easier for someone else to find the blog if you are concerned about privacy issues.

Busted?

12 Responses to “Busted?”

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