Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary. I wonder if Chapin will remember that. He’s gone back to alternating between asking if I’m sure I want the divorce and then telling me I’d better be sure I’m ready to live with the consequences of losing him. I just want him to buy his ticket and leave the country already!
I am the most allergic person I know. In addition to latex, nickel, a variety of chemicals and medical tape, I actually developed a rash in reaction to the hospital armband. My whole left arm from the wrist halfway down to my elbow turned bright red and swelled and they had to wrap my right arm with a bandage and tape the wristband on top of that to avoid the problem from recurring. After three different creams, it’s finally healed and is now peeling to reveal brand new baby soft inner wrist skin. Pumpkinhead looked at the peeling arm today and said, “Mommy, do you want me to go get you the Ped Egg?” ROFL! The boy is so smart. My Mom has one and she got me one and somehow he knows what it’s for. That really cracked me up.
Pumpkinhead decided he wanted pudding today. We made fat-free/sugar-free vanilla Jello pudding with fresh blueberries and strawberries. YUM. He gets such a kick out of being a little helper and that quick 3-minute job was about all I was up to today.
Both of my great-aunts sent me handwritten get well cards. One is 93 and still works three mornings a week at a dentist’s office. I suck so bad because they only live about 45 minutes away and I hardly ever see them. I am definitely going to write back a thank you note to each of them. Bad, bad girl.
My Mom’s cousin has uterine cancer. The first round of chemo had left her tumor-free as of three weeks ago. Unfortunately this week the tumors came back as sarcoma (cancer of the connective/soft tissue). 
They are going to have to treat it very aggressively to get rid of it. She’s only 53, a talented teacher, never married, and lost her younger brother and father to cancer. Her older brother also had it and has been cancer-free for a few years now.
Last week my brother was sentenced to two years probation for smacking around his girlfriend earlier this year. Hopefully the probation officer will scare him into getting away from all the criminals he hangs out with. Hopefully he won’t screw it up. I had a long and detailed nightmare Friday night that he killed himself and I woke up crying, although that could have been as much from the incisional pain as from the dream trauma.
I’m not sure my nanny is going to work out. She has been doing some things that Chapin and I are just not sure we’re willing to put up with. We’re going to try talking to her, but after she lied to Chapin about my giving her permission to do something and after a few other inconsistencies, I’m starting to think she’s not very truthful about a lot of things and that worries me a lot. Plus my notary stamp and a gold bracelet somehow ended up in her top dresser drawer. And my wicked expensive CHI flat-iron somehow made it’s way from my bathroom to hers while I was in the hospital. WTF?!? Am I crazy to think that is just not okay? And I won’t even talk about how she let her 20 year-old daughter borrow my bathing suit. That said, what the hell am I going to do if I have to ask her to leave?!?
I sent an e-mail to the Dean about my next class (to see if I can skip it). If I can, I will see about putting Pumpkinhead in camp with after-care and kicking the nanny to the curb if we can’t make it work.
My workplace, like many, monitors our web use. In addition, they block a ton of sites. What’s weird is that when you log on to the network from home, it apparently puts the monitoring software on your computer. Strangely, even if I log off and restart my browser, some of the blocking has remained. I think I’m going to have to take my Mac to work and ask them to take the block off. That is, if I want to ever read Ana’s blog again. It’s currently blocked as a Sex-related site. Oddly enough, this site is not blocked…
I watched two movies today that had high school flashbacks in them. Did anyone actually enjoy high school? A few months ago I met up with a random guy I knew from high school. He wasn’t in my circle or anything but we were in all the same classes for several years and he was one of the nice, smart kids. His first comment to me was, “You haven’t changed a bit. You look the same as back in high school.” I must have been wearing white. I weighed considerably more in high school, had terrible acne and a frizzy perm. Ick. And my vision has gone down the crapper so I gained glasses in college. I may still not be thin but I’d like to think that losing almost 100lbs of weight and making way too many visits to a triple-digit-priced salon might have changed my appearance at least a teensy bit over the almost 15 years since I last saw that particular guy, but either he was blind/moronic or I’m deluding myself. Sigh… Not sure why I care or why I’m even thinking of it. I think that adding yet another huge abdominal scar to a belly that back in the days of wild and crazy pre-marriage backseat and outdoor sex had only the teensiest of scars from an appendectomy has me concerned. As sure as I am that I want to get this divorce, the last two weeks of hospitalization have given me plenty of time to ponder what man will ever want to date the still-overweight vitamin-depleted, nerve-damaged, super-scarred, over-extended sucky law student and well-intentioned but often failing mother of a rambunctious little wild child with a paranoid, controlling ex-husband? Maybe I should reuse that description for a future Match.com profile? 
If you’ve made it through my midnight Vicodin-induced random ramblings and am convinced my blog has finally gone off the deep end of over-sharing, you are probably right. Nervous breakdown, I think.
