Lessons Learned
Part of growing up and working in the real world is learning who you can trust (probably very few) and what you should disclose (probably very little). Lisa Belkin has a very eye-opening, honest and sad article on this in the New York Times and it’s a good reminder to people as they head out into the work world.
In my case, I find it hard to reconcile the way I was raised — to be honest, forthright and direct — with what seems to me to be lying. It twists my gut and makes me feel dirty to tell a half-truth about why I have to take time off work. And when I am vague and return to work and someone asks me a direct question about where I was, I seem incapable of lying. My friend said, “Just tell them it’s none of your business.” But you see, I wasn’t raised that way. My parents taught me to see the good in people and have an open, welcoming heart. Ever seen those “The Episcopal Church Welcomes You” bumper stickers? My parents, having spent many years working for the church in England, live by that. Can’t tell you how many stray, random people have stayed at my house or come over for dinner over the years and they do it at their jobs as well. But I’m learning, and maybe it’s just in the legal field, that this friendly, bared, open attitude just leaves me vulnerable and exposed rather than engendering favor with anyone. You don’t realize it until things blow up in your face and you have to learn the hard way but there you go. Bottom line, Ms. Belkin’s article is dead on.
February 21st, 2008 at 11:48 am
This idea is interesting. I took 16 months off to be with my son when he was born, which I still feel was a very legitimate thing to do. I had a hard time getting back into the workforce, and I was told to lie about what was going on (as if I had been in rehab). I didn’t get another job until I made it look like the small amount of side work I had done was actually the reason why I didn’t have a regular job. In other words, instead of being at home with my son, I lied and said I had attempted self employment. It did not make me feel good at all to do this, but I decided to play the game in order to get hired.
February 21st, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I don’t disagree with you, but I also don’t feel guilty about not giving employers the full story. I was raised to believe I should be loyal to employers, only to discover that employers have no loyalty whatsoever to me. Last summer I passed up an internship that I really wanted because I had already agreed to work for another employer when I got the second offer. I felt that I would be “screwing” the first employer if I backed out of the job. Lo and behold, that first employer screwed me so badly I don’t even have words for it (e-mail me and I’ll tell you the whole sad story). In short, when it comes to employers, I’ve learned the hard way to look out for number one. Sad but true.
February 24th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I agree with your above comment about employers, and it is not just the legal field. Before I went to law school, I worked in a completely different field. I was upfront with my employer at one point that I was planning on leaving, which is why I had not pursued a promotion. My plans fell through, I didn’t leave, so I asked for the promotion. Not only was my boss thoroughly nasty about it, (she said, “Oh, so you changed your mind? Well, put your application in, unless you CHANGE your MIND AGAIN”) but it was another 9 months before I got the promotion. The employer is looking out for number one and their bottom line, you have to do the same.