So I have this brother. I try to forget sometimes, but, yes, it’s true. In the last year he’s been arrested twice for assault (on his girlfriend…), sued his landlord for stupid crap and sued his car financing company to try to get around paying his car note. My parents have sent him thousands of dollars to “help” because he has a medical condition that he uses to make them feel guilty. I got a call at 1 a.m. from my mother asking me to put $550 into his account (her money; my Internet connection) because:
a) He was $447 overdrawn (she just gave him $2k about two weeks ago!)
b) He was stuck on the side of the road somewhere in DC with no money.
c) He was FIRED from his job because he decided it would be fun to have an after-hours party with some cute, UNDERAGE girls and provide them with alcohol from the restaurant bar. What part of “jailable offense” does he not understand?

Okay, the boy is 26 years old, still in undergrad (supposed to graduate this semester, but no promises on that score), and now jobless and close to apartment-less if his landlady gets her way (she’s already removed the laundry to make it harder for him). He had a heart attack at 20 because he decided to take Ecstasy despite the counter-indication with his medial condition. It’s all about sex for him (I really, truly, believe he has bipolar disorder that has yet to be diagnosed) because he does crazy stuff for women, including spending all of his money on impressing them. Of course it’s all “poor me, why do THEY do this TO ME.” Uh-huh. And my parents want him to move here so they can “help him.” Um, yeah, just bring his drama this way, why don’t you?!?

I transfered $550 into his account, crawled back into bed and heard Chapin say, “That guy is not allowed in our house ever, ever, EVER again.”