Manning up for the job
Law.com has a provocative article today featuring female partner Mercedes Meyer of Drinker Biddle & Reath on the different male characteristics women should take on if they would like to be successful in the male-dominated legal world. I am not quite sure what I think of this. Part of me thinks, hey, if my colleagues don’t want to hear about my kid, screw them! If my male coworker can say, “I’ve got to leave early to coach little league” and everyone thinks he’s a big hero, why should the bar be any higher for me? The other part thinks that some of these tips wouldn’t be too hard to follow. I’m interested in hearing what you all think. Is it naive to believe that we shouldn’t have to do this? Is it necessary to take the gloves off, fight dirty and use a little potty mouth if we want to play with the big boys?
The problem is that women sometimes sabotage themselves with female mannerisms that men misread as hesitancy or uncertainty. As a result, the women don’t get tapped by partners to do important work, they don’t get called by clients, they start to stagnate and, eventually, they leave the law. The theory is that they miss out not because they’d rather be playing jacks with their daughters but because they haven’t learned the rules of the game.
At this point in the conversation, many people would start talking about flexible hours, telecommuting or part-time partnership tracks. Not Meyer. Instead, she is pushing women to reach the top in the traditional way: by figuring out what law firms expect and then supplying exactly that.
Take, for instance, the PowerPoint presentation Meyer gave at the 2007 spring meeting of the American Intellectual Property Law Association. At the time, she chaired the group’s Women in IP Law Committee. She called the talk “How to Pledge a Sorority When Your School Only Has Fraternities, or How Female Associates Can Become Partner.”
Fine-tuning one’s image was a big part of Meyer’s presentation. Think of the way Madonna keeps honing her public persona. But since pointy bras and elaborate dance routines are probably the wrong brand for lawyers, Meyer recommends instead a careful concoction of time-honored professionalism — a firm handshake and deliberate eye contact — with a determined avoidance of pre-feminist behaviors.
Translation: Don’t offer to take notes, make copies or get coffee. Don’t use a “questioning tonality” in phrasing questions — it makes you sound unsure of yourself. Don’t worry about whether everyone likes you. And think twice before you mention your offspring. In fact, Meyer says that women should treat the topic of children like politics or religion. Not everybody wants to hear about your kids, either.
Appearance, too, plays into the brand. Keep your hairstyle professional. Dress in a “classy” way. (There’s a good chance that means no cleavage and no tight skirts.)
October 26th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Interesting. Other than not focusing on your children, it doesn’t sound like she’s saying anything about hiding who you are or changing to be more manly. Instead, she’s talking about being assertive and authoritative, and fitting in with the office culture. It makes sense to me — I think I’ll check that “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” book out of the library.
October 27th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
I kind of take issue with, “In order to get ahead, you need to play the game in a traditional manner.” I feel like that’s basically what the excerpts say. To me the system is broken, needs to be fixed, and this style of play will only serve to perpetuate what we have…and women will continue to leave.
October 27th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Ana, that’s exactly the vibe I got. I think “fitting in” does mean exactly that — play the game the traditional way — and I’m not sure that is the answer.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:47 am
Regarding talking about kids, you have to know your audience. I have watched women wax on about poopy diapers to gay men and single women and have watched the listenes shut down. Kids are wonderful, but you don’t know if the person across from you had an abortion, is currently trying to conceive (male or female) and having problems conceiving, missed their biological clock and now regrets it, or simply is not interested. Treat it like politics and religion. Know your audience.
Regarding acting like a man. While that could come through in the article in some regards, that’s not what I espouse. You have to know the rules to win. You win, then perhaps you can change the rules. Women are better at some things (e.g, relationship maintenance) than men. Don’t stop being good at what you excel at, but know your weaknesses and address them. That’s why we started to book club. We are looking for books to help women succeed and excel as professions. It also helps us understand the rules, and the nuances such as male/female differences in linguistics. The goal is to help women to win under the rules. I never said you had to act like a man to do it. But you do have to develop your own brand to distinguish yourself.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Thank you for elaborating and clarifying, Ms. Meyer. I have discussed this article with colleagues at work and at school and many women are interested in picking up the book referenced in the article so perhaps the book club idea is a good one. It’s always helpful to try to understand how those around view the world. Working for mostly men at a large law firm, I see how they treat women and the comments they make behind closed doors. I’ve seen the double standards, but I sure don’t like them and I’m just not certain that change isn’t preferable over learning the rules of their game.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
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November 1st, 2007 at 9:52 am
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/01/fashion/01WORK.html
November 1st, 2007 at 9:59 am
Great article, Ana. Pink Magazine’s latest issue also has a really interesting article using transgender professionals to demonstrate how males are treated one way when male and then, after the change, are treated differently as females.
http://pinkmagazine.com/features/2007/Transgender_Nov.Dec.html
November 1st, 2007 at 10:35 am
That NYT article is disturbing — but at least it does make sense of all the advice for how women should behave. The advice conflicts because no matter how women behave, they still don’t get the corner office. It’ll be interesting comparing this perspective to the book.