I had a bad experience today with a colleague that got me wondering why some people step on others to raise themselves up. My colleague portrayed me in a bad light to another colleague in order to make her motives seem innocent and make me look like the bad guy. We probably all do it sometimes if we think we can get away with it, but it can come back to bite us. In this case, my colleagues negative remarks were exposed when my other colleague spoke with both of us about it and it turned into kind of an awkward scene.
I’ve noticed that men especially seem to do this with women, perhaps to make themselves feel big and strong. I have a good recent example of this. A female attorney friend of mine went to her male boss seeking additional work because her latest deal had closed. He advised her to go see one of his partners. So, doing as she was told, she asked for an appointment with the other partner and asked him for work. He seemed eager to use her and she left the meeting feeling happy. However, later that day one of her friends overheard him telling her boss that she’d come to him for work. Know what her boss said? He told the partner NOT to give her work and said “That girl is always complaining. She needs to understand that she is my associate and that when I have work, she will have work.” So you can guess what happened. The partner didn’t use her and probably lost some respect for her, thinking she was crying wolf. Her boss totally and inexplicably stabbed her in the back.
Of course females do this to each other, too. What is it that drives us to exploit others’ weaknesses or gossip about the latest rumor. Is it that it makes us feel superior? Do we think that making someone else look bad or exploiting their weaknesses will get us ahead? At least with men I can chalk it up to a pissing contest but with women it is so destructive. Shouldn’t we be helping each other? It often seems like women are each others’ worst critics. When a friend of mine came back from maternity leave for a month and then made the decision that she’d rather stay home for a few years, the men seemed fairly accepting (as if that was “her place”) whereas the women were up in arms. How dare she make it harder for them by making the executives think that women will take maternity leave benefits and then just leave anyway? Why couldn’t they see the other side and understand her point of view?
This isn’t well thought-out, but it is my rant for tonight. I’d love to hear other people’s examples and ways they have stopped doing this to others and also protected themselves.
