PT-LawMom

Mercedes Meyer very graciously chose to respond to my off-the-cuff post about her approach to succeeding as a woman in a male-dominated field. I would note that she has spent many years in male-dominated environments (background in chemistry and now working in IP) so she has had more practice at these skills than I have (I would point out here that I’m in my late 20s with work experience in mostly female-dominated fields, so what do I know?). I re-read the Law.com article and have decided to take the challenge she has set forth. Over the next few months, I will read the books listed in the article and discuss them here on my blog (starting with Nice Girls). If anyone would like to join me, perhaps we can have a little law student book club (in our spare time, right?).

This is the list of recommended books:
“Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” by Lois Frankel
“The Woman Lawyer’s Rainmaking Game: How to Build a Successful Law Practice” by Sylvia Coulter
“Ending the Gauntlet: Removing Barriers to Women’s Success in the Law” by Lauren Stiller Rikleen
“How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-at-Work Moms” by Wendy Sachs
“Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time” by Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz
“Trust-Based Selling,” by Charles Green

Ms. Meyer’s comments:

In the comments to my post

Regarding talking about kids, you have to know your audience. I have watched women wax on about poopy diapers to gay men and single women and have watched the listenes shut down. Kids are wonderful, but you don’t know if the person across from you had an abortion, is currently trying to conceive (male or female) and having problems conceiving, missed their biological clock and now regrets it, or simply is not interested. Treat it like politics and religion. Know your audience.
Regarding acting like a man. While that could come through in the article in some regards, that’s not what I espouse. You have to know the rules to win. You win, then perhaps you can change the rules. Women are better at some things (e.g, relationship maintenance) than men. Don’t stop being good at what you excel at, but know your weaknesses and address them. That’s why we started to book club. We are looking for books to help women succeed and excel as professions. It also helps us understand the rules, and the nuances such as male/female differences in linguistics. The goal is to help women to win under the rules. I never said you had to act like a man to do it. But you do have to develop your own brand to distinguish yourself.

Emailed to me

I’m not saying learn their rules. Just learn the rules. Its like playing the house in vegas. Learn the rules. Its not an even playing field. Women have their own skills which they are better at. There must be an awareness of them and how they fit the bigger picture. Its business. It is the rules of business. Some are male oriented. Some aren’t.

I’m grouchy today.

I got up at the crack of dawn to drive Big Ass Truck an hour (yes, an HOUR) to where we purchased it so that they could do install a part we’d ordered. Had to drop Pumpkinhead off at my mother’s house at 5:45! I made it to the dealer at 6:55, but didn’t get the rental contract settled until almost 7:30! A quick stop at the Starbucks drive-through (I was dying!) and I was back in bumper-to-bumper traffic. I ended up arriving at work a half-hour late and was racing through my day with nary a bathroom break. I couldn’t get a fax to go through, couldn’t get anyone to answer me about a reimbursement for one of my attorneys, and couldn’t get my partner to give me five minutes to respond to a client who Would.Not.Stop.Calling!

I was so busy that I COMPLETELY FORGOT I had lunch scheduled with a friend. A pregnant friend! Who drove all the way to the restaurant only to find out that a) it had shut down three weeks ago and b) I wasn’t there. Of course she didn’t have my cell (which she would have needed had I actually remembered ). In any case, she called my work and got me and I apologized profusely but felt so, so bad that I stood up this starving pregnant woman. Ack!

The day didn’t get any better. I went to call a coworker and her number had disappeared from our Intranet directory. Yep, she was fired. It was sad and unexpected (and scary that she would be treated that way after many years of service).

I still have not heard from HR about my request to transfer to a paralegal desk. Little did I know when I sent it up on Friday that it would arrive at the same time the HR director was firing my friend. Hopefully she’s had a chance to read it and consider it and I won’t get a Friday at 4 p.m. call telling me to leave in 5 minutes. I know, I’m a worrywart. Always have been; always will be.

I’m skipping class right now. Bad girl! Seeking comfort in a cup of spicy chili at a restaurant near work with a good Internet connection. I should have picked better — I didn’t even consider the fact that this particular restaurant does not serve alcohol of any kind. This is definitely a wine day. Wish Chapin wasn’t home because I would sooooo go get a bottle on the way home. He doesn’t drink (alcoholic parent) and isn’t a big fan of me doing so, so I rarely do.

Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with a brighter outlook. Spent all day furiously working on billing (wouldn’t have made lunch even if I HAD remembered because I had to work through) and tomorrow (last day of the month) is more of the same. Plus I have to get the house cleaned for the housecleaner and get Pumpkinhead dressed in his costume for his school’s Halloween party. I should have skipped the chili and headed home to sleep, but rush hour traffic is sooooo not worth it.

I have sent emails to three different people at school about various issues and no one is responding to me. What’s up with that? Plus my career counselor is now driving my friends batty, so I’m not the only one. Time to throw the covers over my head!

About a week or so ago, I posted some cute baby pictures of Pumpkinhead. Since then my hit count has soared with people looking for “cute baby pictures” or variations of that. The majority of those searches come from foreign countries, particularly in the Middle East and Asia. I’m a little disturbed by this phenomenon. It could honestly be that people are just looking for cute baby pics because who doesn’t smile when they see a little chubby baby. That said, I’m taking that particular post down because I really don’t like the idea of any random Tom, Dick or Harry looking at my child (especially if it’s for dirty reasons - bleech!).

Kim! Our very own LawMom won the $10,000 scholarship and gets to take a nice trip to Vegas to boot. Congratulations Kim!!!

So… I got a little freaked out while meeting with my law school’s career department last week. My counselor basically said, “Your job is going to screw you in terms of future employment opportunities,” which I think is pretty extreme but I get her point (although now, thinking about it, plenty of full-timers never work and get jobs, but I think she thinks never working is much better than working as a “lowly secretary” — shows what she knows!). She wanted me to start looking for something else in the next year or so. Chapin spazzed out (it would be hard to find another job that pays what I make now) and said I should wait until the last year of my four-year journey. I agreed with him… and then panicked on Friday. Sent a well-crafted, detailed memo to my HR director (who hired me) requesting that, should a paralegal position come open in one of two areas of practice in which I am interested, she seriously consider me for the job. I was confident about the decision to send the memo on Friday but now I’m a little worried. I doubt they would fire me for asking, but I was hired for this particular desk because of a special set of skills and, in the past, they’ve had a hard time filling the position. Hopefully they will take the request at face value and understand that I just want the chance to gain some practical skills sometime in the next few years. I made it clear that I want to stay with the firm and simply asked for consideration down the line if a position opens and/or the chance to pitch in during an extra-busy time for one of those departments. Please pray that this request doesn’t backfire on me. I sure can’t afford to lose my job!!

P.S. I do actually have paralegal experience. I have a paralegal certificate and worked as a contract paralegal for several months before landing a position with a judge, followed by a great position as a legal secretary. My last job (the great position) consisted of many more paralegal-type activities, such as research, cite-checking and document coding. I also do contract cite-checking/proofreading work for a local company. My current job is much more secretarial in nature.

Um, I could have told you this:

The NY Times has a fantastic editorial on the use of the word “illegal” as it relates to undocumented immigrants. Really good piece.

An excerpt:

America has a big problem with illegal immigration, but a big part of it stems from the word “illegal.” It pollutes the debate. It blocks solutions. Used dispassionately and technically, there is nothing wrong with it. Used as an irreducible modifier for a large and largely decent group of people, it is badly damaging. And as a code word for racial and ethnic hatred, it is detestable.

“Illegal” is accurate insofar as it describes a person’s immigration status. About 60 percent of the people it applies to entered the country unlawfully. The rest are those who entered legally but did not leave when they were supposed to. The statutory penalties associated with their misdeeds are not insignificant, but neither are they criminal. You get caught, you get sent home.

Since the word modifies not the crime but the whole person, it goes too far. It spreads, like a stain that cannot wash out. It leaves its target diminished as a human, a lifetime member of a presumptive criminal class. People are often surprised to learn that illegal immigrants have rights. Really? Constitutional rights? But aren’t they illegal? Of course they have rights: they have the presumption of innocence and the civil liberties that the Constitution wisely bestows on all people, not just citizens.

Thanks to everyone who commented or emailed me when I asked for Music to Study By. I went with Yo-Yo Ma’s “Essential Yo-Yo Ma”, Miles Davis’ “Kind of Blue” and Diana Krall’s “The Very Best of Diana Krall”. I intend to check out Genevieve’s very specific and comprehensive classical list, but I am just out of time today. Maybe closer to exam time? Thanks all!

The Weekly MILS (Moms In Law School) Roundup** is the brainchild of Saramel. It is hosted on a rotating basis at the PT-LawMom and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILS Roundup will be hosted by Butterflyfish.

If you haven’t already voted for Kim, today is the last day! Let’s ensure she wins the $10,000!

Prioritizing — Reasonable Expectations
Feeling the Love — Merits of the Case
Holding on Tight – LagLiv
Starting Over — 2L Wannabe
Trying to Be Strong — A Little Fish in Law School
Breathing it all in — Adventures of Law School Mama
Validated — Peanut Butter Burrito
Sharing the Magic — Magic Cookie
Hanging her Shingle – Legally Certifiable
Perfecting the Juggling Act — Knocked Up (and in Law School)
Staying Afloat in a Sea of Grief — KidSquared
Conspiracy Theories — Frequent Citations
Present and Accounted For — Diary of a Law School Mom

If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILS blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup — Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Divine Angst

Zuska tagged me so I figured I’d give this meme another shot:

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? Jay Leno
2. What were you doing at 0800? Laying in bed giving Pumpkinhead an early morning snuggle.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Playing Wow Wow Wubzy’s ring toss game on Noggin.com with Pumpkinhead.
4. What happened to you in 2006? Took the LSAT, got accepted into both law schools where I applied and lost one grandparent (lost two more in 2007).
5. What was the last thing you said out loud? That’s enough computer time! (Says the hypocrite now sitting on the couch on the computer!)
6. How many beverages did you have today? 10. Six glasses of water, one cup of coffee, one diet coke and two cups of hot tea.
7. What color is your hairbrush? Silver
8. What was the last thing you paid for? Winter clothes for Pumpkinhead at Old Navy. They grow so fast!!!
9. Where were you last night? At home with Chapin and Pumpkinhead.
10. What color is your front door? Red
11. Where do you keep your change? In my purse. Chapin has a big cookie tin he throws his in. Another blogger who did this meme keeps her quarters in a mini M&M container. I think that is such a great idea!
12. What’s the weather like today? Cold and breezy
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? My all-time favorite was Ben & Jerry’s Bovinity Divinity (chocolate ice cream with milk chocolate and white chocolate cows). I don’t really eat ice cream these days cause it makes me sick, but if I did I’d probably go Choc/PB or Choc Fudge. See a trend?
14. What excites you? A good book, an accomplishment by me or one of my family members, finding my favorite chocolate on sale
15. Do you want to cut your hair? I hate hair maintenance. I probably cut my hair four times each year
16. Are you over the age of 25? Oh yes!
17. Do you talk a lot? What do you think?
18. Do you watch the O.C.? Oh what?!?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Actually no.
20. Do you make up your own words? I always think I do and then I find out that someone else says it so I wonder where I must have heard it.
21. Are you a jealous person? Sometimes. My husband has a real problem with this so I try not to be but you sometimes find yourself matching the person you’re with.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Ashante
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Kakki
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? My mother
25. What does the last text message you received say? “I’ll be there!” (in response to my “Are you picking up Pumpkinhead?” message to my cousin)
26. Do you chew on your straw? Nope
27. Do you have curly hair? Not currently, but I have in the past
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Class tonight
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? My brother (close second to my obnoxious coworker)
30. What was the last thing you ate? A Skinny Cow fudgesicle
31. Will you get married in the future? Only if I get divorced first so hopefully not.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? Last good movie I saw was “Blood Diamond” but that was more like two months ago.
33. Is there anyone you like right now? Nope, hate everyone. Seriously, though, I like my sweet husband
34. When was the last time you did the dishes? If loading the dishwasher counts, this morning
35. Are you currently depressed? No
36. Did you cry today? No
37. Why did you answer and post this? Zuska tagged me!