PT-LawMom

The Anglican Communion meets at the end of this month to discuss the issue that some say threatens to divide the Episcopal Church from the more conservative arms of the Communion. My parents have been lifelong Anglicans (now Episcopalians here in the U.S.) and my mother, a Christian singer/songwriter, has many gay friends. I have been raised my whole life around same-sex couples, many of whom have just as much faith as my parents and even longer time together as couples. My heart tells me that God’s only concern is that we form a loving, monogamous relationship with one person, be it someone of the same sex or someone of the opposite sex. I do not believe homosexuality is a choice any more that I believe people choose to be short or tall. It is my heartfelt prayer that the church’s leaders will choose to continue to bless gay unions and place their values behind monogamy and long-term relationships rather than shaming or ignoring a huge segment of our population. I also believe that Rev. Lind is as qualified a candidate as the heterosexuals up for bishop of Chicago and I am hopeful that the leadership will see fit to let her continue as a candidate.

You may find this surprising, but I am really not a people person. I’ve never been that popular and I feel like I’m constantly saying the wrong thing or that people are playing hide the ball with me in the sense that they are obviously not thrilled by what I’ve said/done and I just don’t know why. Wish I could figure it out but people typically flee without telling me. Becoming a mother has helped some. Because I want my child to have friends, I make the effort to get out and meet people. If I had my way, I’d lock myself in my bedroom with piles of books and never leave. But then if I needed help, who would be there for me? I know that, realistically, connections are important. I put on a good face as “outgoing”, but I’m really not good at handling conflict if it arises. Although I enjoy helping others, I’m a much better solo worker than a team member. I need to work on that, especially the conflict-dodging thing.

I have found two things out since the hell that was high school. First, foreigners get me. Not sure what that’s all about, but I do know that my Spanish-speaking husband can’t easily misinterpret or twist my words if I’m speaking his language since I really have to work hard to pick the right ones. We work. Second, I’m so much cooler online. I’m one of those people that devours info. When I was pregnant with Pumpkinhead, I read every pregnancy book out there and joined several online communities. I gave up on most of them because the women could be really snarky/judgmental and, quite frankly, many of the groups were just too large and difficult to follow. I found one, however, that was really comforting, and we’ve stayed together for four years, meeting in person and supporting each other on a daily basis online. I was part of the “in crowd” in the group and it was a really important part of my life for a long time until something bad happened IRL and I had to step out of the popular kids’ group and back to the fringes. Now I think I may join several members who have decided to leave or, at the very least, become less active. As our kids have gotten older, we’ve all gotten busier, but a lot of the women have also gotten decidedly more opinionated about the “right” or “wrong” way to raise a child. There is nothing tougher than being made to feel like you are a bad mother and nothing touches a nerve more quickly than having your child-rearing decisions questioned. While no one is overtly doing this to me, it seems to happen to those I care about more and more and I find myself hesitant to post anything for fear of being slammed down. Lately every time I visit the group or receive a private message from one of the members, I really do want to just crawl back under the bed and hide.

As for the blog, I really enjoy this but I worry about getting judged. I enjoy keeping this little journal of my thoughts and feelings and experiences as I go through law school and I think it’s important for others to see the reality of life as a law school mother. Hopefully I can be true to that and provide a good perspective on the whole experience. I feel like I don’t blog enough about Pumpkinhead, but the truth is that the days just run together lately and it’s hard to remember what’s happened all week when I go to post. I’m going to try to remember the purpose of my blog and stay true to that. And I’m going to work on getting over my inability to handle judgments!

Any candidate who can actually put their money where their mouth is on the healthcare issue will get my vote. Even with a good job, we probably pay $5k just in out-of-pocket expenses (co-pays, deductibles, dental work, prescriptions, 20% of all procedures, etc.) Add that to our $280/mo. family premiums (I know, that’s low compared to some of you) and we’re talking about probably 7-10% of our annual income going towards healthcare! Yes, I’m a sicko. But imagine if we weren’t making fairly good incomes! There are so many families out there who are in devastating financial situations because of a major illness. I, for one, am not eligible for individual health insurance because of my chronic health issues and various past surgeries. Neither can I get life insurance individually without paying exorbitant premiums. Why do I work full-time during law school? This is why! I really would like to go solo after law school, but it’s the healthcare issue that makes it less likely. My misgivings about Sen. Clinton aside, if her proposed plan comes out on Monday and people actually get behind it to the point where it seems like it could pass, I will vote for her.

The Weekly MILS (Moms In Law School) Roundup** is the brainchild of Saramel. It is hosted on a rotating basis at the Reasonable Expectations, PT-LawMom, and A Little Fish in Law School blogs and is usually posted no later than Monday morning. Next week’s MILS Roundup will be hosted by Butterflyfish.

It’s been a rough week for the MILS:

Bored - Diary of a Law School Mom
Deaf - Peanut Butter Burrito
Denied - PT-LawMom
Disconnected - JurisMama
Disillusioned - Knocked Up (and in Law School)
Drowning - Mommy on the Floor
Frightened - Legally Certifiable
Inadequate - Adventures of Law School Mama
Irritated - Magic Cookie
Medicated - Lag Liv
Nightmared - Frequent Citations
Secretive - 2L Wannabe
Stumbling - Butterflyfish

And to lighten it up…
Prepared - Reasonable Expectations

If you’d like to have your blog added to the MILS blogroll for weekly review or would like us to consider a specific post, drop the hostess(es) an email or leave a comment at their respective sites.

**Hat tip to the “original” Roundup — Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground and Divine Angst

One of the things I think is really important in finding a good job and performing well is mentoring. I’ve always tried to do the best job at whatever I do, which is one of the reasons I sought out certification once I entered the legal field (I have a paralegal certificate and have passed both the ALS and PLS legal secretary accreditation exams). I’ve always tried to learn more and find mentors to help me. I’ve approached law school much the same way, speaking with many attorneys over the last year to garner information about the legal field, especially regarding particular practice areas and life as a woman in the legal field. I’ve been amazingly fortunate to have been put in touch with some of the top U.S. immigration and labor/employment attorneys and have had both phone and in-person meetings with them.

One of the women I have been trying to meet with for several months now is a local immigration attorney who is currently building a practice as an immigration law consultant for family and criminal law attorneys, as well as acting as guardian ad litem in family cases involving immigration issues. I think her work is so cool! Anyway, we’ve been making dates and rescheduling them all summer and today we finally hooked up. Unfortunately, it was because Chapin got a certified letter from the USCIS denying his application for citizenship. (Actually he got a peach card telling us we missed the postman and I literally spent an hour driving around our subdivision searching for the guy and very fortunately got him to hand it over! I knew USCIS never sends anything but bad news via certified mail.) This wonderful woman agreed to meet with us this evening and we just got back from a 2 1/2-hour intake interview with her. A $5k retainer later and we’ve got representation to write an appeal brief and attend a hearing with us, plus we got to see her offices and hear about a variety of cases she’s worked on and tips/tricks for up-and-coming immigration lawyers. Granted, this was not the way I wanted to learn this and I wasn’t in the best shape for a meeting today, but both Chapin and I still came away impressed with her and her setup.

So why the denial? Well, in a former life, I was a bit of a dipstick. At 21 and rather broke, I married Chapin and we filed to adjust his work visa to permanent residency. Wisely, we retained a local immigration lawyer; unwisely, we trusted him and his staff blindly. The lawyer was a nice guy, but his wife was his secretary and her brother was their paralegal. Neither the wife nor the brother spoke much English (they were Chinese and usually represented Chinese clients) and Chapin didn’t speak any English. We very, very stupidly agreed to sign the immigration applications and let them fill them out later. They did not review the paperwork with us before sending it in, just sent us a final packet of what was mailed. The paralegal did all the paperwork. He spelled our last name wrong, a fact we didn’t realize until we were at a celebratory lunch after picking up his Green card. We had to race back to the local USCIS office and pay $100 for a replacement card with the right name! We counted our lucky stars that the name was the only issue… or so we thought.

Little did we know that when we filled out his N-400 (without benefit of counsel), we would include a material fact that had not been included in my I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative). It’s really kind of inconsequential, but apparently if the facts in your earlier petitions don’t match the facts in your current petition, you are a LIAR and morally bankrupt. This really sucks, especially because if we don’t fight it, they could decide to go back and say, “Since you “lied” on your original application, it should never have been approved and therefore you are deportable.” Thank God for the painkillers or I’d be really, really unhappy right now. Anyway, the lawyer thinks we can prove that the original omission was not willful since the lawyer didn’t properly review the form with us - had he reviewed the answers, we would have had the opportunity to correct the omission. By providing even more info in the current application, we were being forthcoming and truthful and therefore are not liars. Hopefully the local office official who hears our case will agree. It could be 6 months or more before a hearing is set, so the answers won’t come quickly. Wish us luck!

A few notes:

1) If you ever ask a doctor, “Will this hurt?” and her response is, “Um, people’s reactions differ…”, brace yourself.
2) If anyone ever wants to stick needles into your nerves/muscles, just say no!
3) In this age of cell phones, never give your doctor your home number! Although they typically have the sense to call your office phone during daytime hours, the one time you actually NEED results, they will call your home and leave a message which, of course, you will get too late to return the call. And inevitably there will be a whole weekend ahead of you before you can call back.
4) Sometimes you just can’t do it all. I have a baby shower for a good friend to attend today and I can barely scrape myself off the couch. I also have a contract editing job to finish this weekend (couldn’t turn it down - big $$$$, but maybe I should have!). Pumpkinhead has a birthday party at 4:30 for one of his classmates and we still don’t have a present. I really just want to head back to bed and my poor legs have absolutely no desire to drive anywhere. I know, whine, whine, whine. Just stop reading my blog already. It’s depressing.
5) Pumpkinhead brought me a piece of paper and said, “Look, Mommy, I wrote ‘trampoline.’” The paper said “GALT.” He’s so smart! The brand of trampoline he has is a GALT nursery trampoline. It’s awesome for indoor exercise but the stupid screws keep falling out of one side. It has a little silver tube that holds the pieces together. I can’t really explain it, but when the screws fall out, the tube falls down into the pipe. I’ve replaced it twice today. I am so going to get Super Glue and permanently affix those suckers. Grrr.

In order to study law in my state, I have to “register” so they can start checking into my character and fitness. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with the CURRENT name and address of every supervisor you’ve had since you turned 18? I have lived all over the U.S in the past 10 years, worked almost 20 jobs (you have to include paid, unpaid, volunteer, etc.) and almost no one I worked for is still with their company. I also have to have a large number of personal references who cannot be family, fellow law students or former supervisors. I’m not sure I can come up with that many people, especially if they have to discuss me in-depth. I think people might vaguely remember who I am…

Anyway, of course I waited too long to start on this and now I’m rushing to finish. The good news is that (I think) I’ve tracked down two former supervisors who I’d actually enjoy reconnecting with. I need to call one tomorrow because her company web site just gave a general email and I’ve directly emailed the other after finding her web site (she’s a publisher-turned realtor). The other good news is that the kind old jewish lady I worked for as a proofreader at my first “real” job still works there! One less person to hunt down. Now I wonder if I should call everyone I’m listing to give them a heads up that sometime in the next year they might hear from a bar examiner?

And what do you do about restaurant jobs? The turnover in restaurants is so high that supervisors have come and gone. The instructions say that you should find an updated address for your supervisor. How on earth do I do that for restaurant managers? I also worked for a catering firm as one of many, many seasonal tuxedo-clad servers. I got to rub bosoms with Dana Delaney and direct Rob Lowe to the men’s room at a crowded White House Correspondents Dinner after-party and also got a brief glimpse of President Clinton at a White House state dinner. But could I tell you who the boss was among all of those earpiece-wearing glam gals and guys? Nope. Wonder if “HR Director” is appropriate in that case? Should I attach an addendum explaining? Am I overanalyzing a bit?

I’m sitting in Starbucks with a grande SF/NF cinnamon dolce latte, a bottle of water, a fruit/cheese tray and my laptop. My intention is to read for class tonight, but I decided to post first. About 45 minutes ago a man in a white coat shot my veins full of radioactive fluid, gave me a huge bottle of water and instructions to return in two hours, and then told me not to pee on myself or my clothes. I’m fully radioactive right now. And dizzy. These new pain pills really throw me for a loop. Pumpkinhead wanted to go with me this morning. He kept saying, “Mommy, I want to see what the doctor does to you!” I think after all of his allergy shots and assorted torture, he wants to know that Mommy gets tortured too.

Anyway, I thought about driving in to work… for about 5 seconds. I could have put in about 45-60 minutes, but it really isn’t worth it to fight traffic and parking for such a short time. So I’m going to close Firefox and try to concentrate on my books now. Starbucks is much better than a boring waiting room. I’m so glad they let me leave the building! The guy said that the bone scan will take about 45 minutes and hopefully will show something. Either way, I have the nerve test to look forward to on Friday.

Even though Congress couldn’t get the job done on immigration, I was very pleased to see that they have compromised on student loan reform and passed a bill that really seems like it might make a difference.

You can find the weekly roundup here at Saramel’s site.

The Weekly Moms In Law School (MILS) Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis by Reasonable Expectations, PT-LawMom and A Little Fish in Law School and is usually posted no later than Monday morning.

Next week’s MILS Roundup will be back here.