Last night I had to stay late at school and then I came home to a bunch of changes to my editing job that had to be turned around before I could sleep. Need the money to pay the immigration attorney, so I dutifully sat at my computer until 1:30 a.m. This morning I woke up and it was like all of the stress of the past few weeks just came crashing down on me. I just wanted to pull the covers back over my head and stay there. I am staying home because I feel lousy but I did have to take Pumpkinhead to school (so much for languishing in bed all morning) and scrounge up some breakfast so I can take my myriad drugs. As I drove home from Pumpkinhead’s school, I just felt so down and overwhelmed by everything that’s going on right now. My supervisor got on me yesterday about having yet another doctor’s appointment (over my lunch hour, BTW), which just makes me want to scream because a) they know I’m sick – I even gave them a note, b) it scares me because I cannot afford to lose my job and c) I just don’t need this pressure right now.
SO… this morning, feeling guilty for not being at work because that sure doesn’t solve the problem above, I’m going to focus on catching up on my studies and try to get some much-needed rest to see if that kicks me back into “happy” mode. We haven’t heard from the immigration attorney, but I know she was planning to visit the local office tomorrow to talk about the two-week mailing delay and see about an extension. Oh, and I got the results of my tests. Apparently the pernicious anemia I’ve been battling for the past two years has left me with nerve damage (permanent?) in my legs, feet and arms and the Vitamin D deficiency isn’t helping matters. They said the misfiring/damaged nerves are probably what is causing all of this and they want me to see a neurologist, although they can’t get me in until early October. In the meantime, I just have to take the pain pills and bide my time until they figure out a way to counteract the damage or change the nerve signals (maybe through SSRIs). Bleech. I’m not thrilled with the diagnosis, but I am very, very happy to have some answers for why everything hurts so much!
