Where has the kindness gone?
In this age of blogs and Internet forums, while I’ve seen my share of kind gestures, more often I see snarky, downright nasty behavior and it has me wondering whether something has changed about our society. I’m a nice person. Yes, I get irritable and frustrated but I tend to be very trusting of others, generous and kind-hearted (modest, too!). 
It is my approach to the world that makes it hard for me to understand why people would choose to make mean, nasty comments on others’ blogs/web forums or only find negative things to say. Is there a small segment of the population out there so insecure with themselves that they need to rip others down? Do they find it easier to be nasty online? Would they say the same things if the person was in front of them?
Why am I thinking about this today? Fortunately it’s not due to any of my lovely blog readers. 
First off, my good friend, Christa, sent me a very thoughtful, measured editorial about the failure of the immigration legislation written by one of her family members. From the comments to that piece, you’d think his work was an act of treason! People were really hateful. One of the comments legislators made about the failure of this legislation is that those who supported the bill didn’t speak out but those who opposed it came out in force.
Those comments were nasty but the ones that really got me going were those cited by the author of yesterday’s On Parenting blog on the Washington Post. The author had written about the childcare dilemma she was facing during her nanny’s sudden trip out of the country and commenter trolls completely ripped her up one side and down the other, asking why she couldn’t just stay home and take care of her kids like a “good mother”. Yes, of course. Why didn’t she think of that? Cause it’s so easy to just take a few weeks off of work. 
What I don’t understand is why they couldn’t frame the comment like, “Could you possibly negotiate a few weeks off of work?” Why does it have to always be a character assassination? Especially in regards to everything to do with parenting, the comments can fast get heated and mean. I joined and quickly unjoined an iVillage birth group when I was pregnant after faced with nastiness. I have a great parenting group now but sometimes the “in crowd” on that board can get snarky and judgmental and make me want to leave.
I read with horror a few months back about the death threats one blogger was receiving and how she shut down her blog to keep her family safe. Who are these people?!? Are there monsters lurking behind the “normal” exteriors of the people we meet every day? At what point do we stand up and say that this harassing hate speech just isn’t acceptable? Sometimes free speech just goes too far. Where are peoples’ moral compass directing them?
Fortunately I have “met” many wonderful, kind, tender-hearted souls out there in the blogging community and I’d like to think there are more of “us” than there are of “them”. It’s just discouraging to see so much nastiness out there. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
July 4th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
You inspired me to atone for my own snarkiness on our forum. Thanks, hon. You are absolutely right. (((HUGS)))
July 5th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I know exactly what you’re talking about, and I too feel pretty traumatized by it. I think that a lot of people do say things over the computer that they would never say in person, but there are those people who just think that the way they view the world is the only way to view the world. I was on a listserve dealing with voluntary simplicity for a while, and the explosions of anger and nastiness on there about everything from salaries to what cleaners you use were unbelievable. Maybe we should start an effort to become aggressively and loudly kind.
July 5th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I like that idea, Quirky!! Blog surf and spread the kindness.
July 11th, 2007 at 11:22 am
I really like your blog…I discovered you through the Meme Mary Louisa carried from you into YesIDoCare…and so came to read you in the original.
This post really resonated.
The people who’ve commented on my blog are very, very nice…but it shocks and appalls me to see just hateful hatefulness in such nice places. To wit: read some of those snarky reviews on Epicurious! Man, those foodies can get nasty when they’re hungry! Sheesh, I just want a recipe for a good chicken frying batter, I don’t want to plough through all that INTRIGUE to find out what the majority believes to be the best proportion of flour and salt to soymilk.
Toward that end: do you or any of your followers have any suggestions? I want to learn how to make batter without witnessing battery!